False Bravado

Keeping your frame, being “alpha,” being stoic, focusing on your mission while crushing it, spin more plates, have more options, being hard to kill, and other assorted buzzwords, slogans, and jingles are great.

They are great until your world comes crashing down around you. They are great when everything is fine. What they aren’t, is great when you are falling apart.

I have had a guy reach out to me recently and his world is crumbling right before his eyes. He lost his job recently as well as a relationship that he didn’t want to end.

I imagine he is staring right into the abyss. I could hear it in the tone of his voice because I’ve had that same tone of voice a couple of years ago when my LTR of almost 4 years ended and my Mother died two weeks apart from each other. It definitely knocked the wind out of me. That’s pretty much what this guy is going through right now.

What isn’t going to help this guy is to tell him to “man up, alpha up, be stoic, spin more plates, focus on your mission,” yadda yadda yadda. This isn’t a time for cheap slogans and manosphere jingles, it’s time to shut the fuck up and just listen.

I don’t care how much Game you know or how tight your Game is. Game and the Red Pill itself aren’t safety nets from a crushing blow to your life. You can have the greatest Game on the planet and your woman or women may still leave you for whatever reason. Game and the Red Pill won’t stop you from getting hurt, getting burned, or getting your heart ripped out of your chest.

You can do everything right that your guru told you to do, or your parent’s told you to do, or society told you to do, or even what you told yourself to do and it can still all be taken from you in the blink of an eye. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

You can have a ton of cash in the bank, in bitcoin, stuffed in a mattress for all I care. It’ll all be gone if and when you get into a serious car accident and you end up in the ICU at your local hospital.

Sometimes life just fucking sucks and there’s no answer as to why that is. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes you get to take a big bite out of the shit sandwich that has been served to you and there’s no avoiding it, changing it, getting around it, or getting out of it. Chew slowly motherfucker, chew slowly.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be present for somebody, let them talk, and just listen. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get someone from stepping off of a ledge. Sometimes you get to be the sounding board while they are processing how and why their world is falling apart at the seams.

Sometimes all you can do is tell them, no matter what they are going through, they are not alone. And sometimes that’s all it takes to stop them from making matters worse for themselves.

For all the bullshit slogans and chest puffing that goes on in the ‘Sphere, there’s not a lot of empathy going on there. Too many guys are beating their chests to the sound of their own drums about how big of an island unto themselves that they are. Guess what guys? Just like men and women are better together than they are apart, so are men themselves.

We as men are better together than we are apart. We aren’t islands unto ourselves as much as we want to pretend that we are. “Lone wolves” perish faster than a pack. Keep that in mind the next time you want to throw a slogan around.

If you haven’t had your heart broken by a woman, you haven’t really lived. If you haven’t had your heart broken, you will if you dare to connect and care for someone other than yourself. If you can just, “go out and get another woman,” and walk away from what you had with the last woman, especially if she is the one initiating the walk, did you really care for her or about her? Or are you worried about your frame and if you talk about it, it’ll show the world just how “beta” you are?

I think a lot of guys put on a show of how “alpha” they are because deep down inside they are hurting, literally bleeding from the inside, but they are either too scared or too ashamed to show it. They are too ashamed to show their humanity and reach out for help because they will be judged by their peers as being weak and “beta.”

I’m not saying that it’s a great idea to emote and expose your world falling apart to everyone on the internet, but reaching out to someone and telling them you are in pain isn’t weakness. Sometimes that’s the strongest and bravest thing that you can do.

“I’m hurting man, and I don’t know what to do. My world is fucked, and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole that I dug for myself.”

I hear you. I can’t dig you out of the hole that you dug for yourself, you’re the only one that can do that, but I can listen. Pick up the phone and call me anytime.

You’re not alone.

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A “Real Man”

man in red button up shirt

Taken from men and women on Twitter:

A “Real Man”:

Will stay with you.

Will help you without asking for sex.

Wears pink.

Would stand up to (insert whatever here).

Will make sure you’re good.

Will help her heal.

Pleases me from head to toe.

Can wash the dishes and cut the grass.

Won’t put you in any type of position to make you look stupid.

Doesn’t love a thousand girls. He loves one girl in a thousand ways.

Doesn’t torture lost souls, but saves them.

Doesn’t make a woman cry tears of sadness, but rather joy.

Can wait for the girl he loves.

Never dates 100 women, he makes 99 women jealous of his one “Queen.”

Doesn’t put his hands on a woman.

Gives his lady the attention she deserves, gives her all of his love, calls her beautiful and treats her like a queen.

It takes a real man to embrace his feelings

If a real man loves you he won’t be confused with his feelings if another woman jumps in.

Has his shit together.

Knows one woman is enough.

Knows how a woman needs to be taken care of.

Takes care of others before himself.

Will treat you with respect, love, and honesty. And take care of their partner in every way.

When a real man loves you he’ll do anything and everything for you.

Isn’t worried about quantity but quality.

Doesn’t discuss his woman’s flaws.

Know how to treat women with respect they deserve.

Handles his business.

Takes care of his family.

Will never stop supporting his women.

Listens intently to her wild thoughts.

Always takes care of business, even when times get rough, and minds his own business.

Knows when to apologize.

Will buy you shit without fucking.

Only lies to his woman if it involves surprising her.

Doesn’t play games.

Is an authentic man.

Has nothing to hide. He tells the truth about anything you want to know.

Gives his woman his bank card.


Will respect you. Even on bad terms.

Eats his woman any time of the month.

Is reliable and knows what true love is.

Can marry a single mother.

Who loves you will stay for you, will always listen to you, and will always understand you.

Will love you for your heart, your bare face without makeup, and all your flaws.

Will reach out and thank his enemy.

Keeps his word.

Makes every day Valentine’s Day for his girl.

Will love everything you dislike about yourself.

Keeps his word no matter the circumstances or the situation.

It takes a real man to love someone else’s child.

Will eat anything a woman sets before him.

Understands that sex isn’t everything when it comes to satisfying a lady, comforting her, appreciating her, respecting her, and taking care of her emotionally.

Marries for the future, not for the present.

Is not afraid of standards.

Won’t care about your past.

Doesn’t ask for help. He would rather die.

Does what is expected of him.

Doesn’t care.

Will appreciate every inch of you. He will never get tired of you.

Will be patient with you. He will understand you. He will stay and figure things out.

Will hold her hand in public, hold her purse, open doors for her, and show her respect.

Doesn’t have time to cheat because he is too busy providing all of which a good woman deserves.

Is able to hold it together when being assaulted by a woman.

Endures the blazing sun and smouldering heat with a smile.

Can handle a redhead.

Steps up.

Offers his seat.


Doesn’t sneak or do anything.

Does not hit women or children.

Will die for his family.

Will die for his country.

Will die defending her honor.

Loves his mother.

Defends his own.

Rises up through controversy.

Will admit when he is wrong.

Believes in our Heavenly Father.

Handles every situation with poise and grace.

Knows that a period doesn’t stop anything except a sentence.

Makes babies.

Gives her “wife treatment” from the start.

Will pay his child support for what he did.

Looks for a wife, not another girlfriend.

“Accepts me for who I am.”

Knows your worth.

Wouldn’t talk to a woman “like that.”

Never stops trying to show his girl how much she means to him. Even after he’s got her.

Supports his women financially.

Protects his partner physically and emotionally.

Protects and loves his woman for who she is.

Doesn’t need sleep.

Will take his wife shopping at a supermarket.

Will “man up” and deal with it.

Would marry that girl.

Votes for…

Knows how to wait.

Desires respect from his wife the most.

Has a conscience.

Is not defined by how many girlfriends he’s had. It’s by how many girls cried when he said, “No I’m taken, and I love her.”

Makes his woman feel like she’s the only one out there.

Has rough, scaly hands.

Protects women, even in conversation.

Doesn’t get tired of seeing his girlfriend.

Provides, protects, and always keeps his promise.

Will try and save his family, whatever the consequences.

Handles his business and doesn’t need any recognition from the world of all the hard work he does. He simply continues on and puts in work, day in and day out.

Is concerned about his country.

Doesn’t need a woman that has to be done up all the time.

Doesn’t need guns.

Will remind his woman daily why she fell in love with him.

Is not intimidated by a strong woman.

Forgives a woman for her lies.

Has no insecurity.

Sets out to please.

Will never cheat.

Just can’t deny a woman’s worth.

Is a stand up guy who is dependable, compassionate, and fearless.

Will get rid of everything and everyone that jeopardizes his relationship.

Makes sure the mother of his children isn’t stressed.

Always controls his temper.

Knows what to do during her period.

Will not end the day in a bad mood.

Knows the importance of communication.

Is not offensive or rude.

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Integrity and Association

person shaking hands

I went over to my Father’s house the other day, it was and still is, a part of my ritual with him. I go over to check on him, see how he’s been doing, make sure he’s okay, and do some catching up. It’s good for the both of us really.

My Dad mentioned “Andy” to me. He’s the guy that got both barrels from my Dad after my Mom’s funeral. Apparently, “Andy’s” ex-wife “Bobbie-Jo,” committed suicide a little while back. Their sixteen year old daughter found her mom hanging from a noose in the coat closet. I remember “Bobbie-Jo,” she’s around my age now, and she was a really good looking woman when I last saw her years ago. Tragic and sad. Tragic and really sad that it was her daughter that found her the way she found her.

“Andy” is in the upholstery business. One of the best upholsterer’s in this area. I know because I’ve seen his work first hand. Some of this work happens to be some of the seats in some of my Dad’s cars. His work is topnotch.

I’ve got to back up just a little bit. My Dad has been a car restoring aficionado for almost all of his life. Definitely all of my life. Some of my earliest memories of my Dad is him tinkering and restoring cars and trucks. I also remember him creating all sorts of new and creative swear words when something didn’t go as planned or was more difficult than expected. I also remember seeing the occasional tool getting thrown across the garage from time to time.

So my Dad has been doing the car restoration thing for at least fifty years. Maybe longer. My Dad knows his stuff and is very knowledgable about it. Car aficionado’s from all over the state know my Dad. They drop by to ask his advice about particular problems and ways to solve them. My Dad has also helped a lot of these guys restore their cars, or he has done it by himself for them. He’s always been forthright and honest in his dealings with this community of men. That’s one of the reason’s that they come to him, in some cases look up to him, and respect him. Not to toot my Dad’s horn, but when he’s got something to say about car restoration, these guys shut up and listen.

Now back to “Andy…..”

Like I said earlier, “Andy” is a class A upholsterer. His work is some of the finest I’ve ever seen. He uses quality materials and takes great care in his work. He doesn’t come cheap, and his work shows it.

No one questions the quality of “Andy’s” work.

But “Andy” does have a problem. He quotes a price for doing a job, and when it comes time to to pay up, the price has changed from his original quote. Significantly. I’m not talking about an extra fifty or even an extra hundred dollars. I’m talking about a price quote of $800.00 that ends up at $3,400.00 by the time all is said and done. How do I know about this quote and the end price? That’s what he charged my Dad the last time he did work for my Dad. Also “Andy” is horrible about meeting deadlines. What starts off as “a month or so” turns into almost a year.

My Dad isn’t the only person “Andy” has done this to. My Dad started naming a few other men that I happen to know that “Andy” charged way more than originally quoted. As far as my Dad is concerned, “Andy” is ripping people off. So he won’t use “Andy” anymore to do any of his upholstery needs. My Dad also stopped referring people to “Andy” as well. He doesn’t want to see other guys get ripped off, and he doesn’t want his name and reputation tarnished by what “Andy” is doing. He doesn’t want to been seen as endorsing “Andy’s” behavior.

“Andy” used to run his own upholstery business full time. Used to. Now days, he’s working for another business and moonlighting on weekends and evening’s doing upholstery. Why not full time? Because of his reputation.

As a Man, and this applies if you are going to go into business, your most important asset is your reputation. Your word is your bond. If you say you are going to do something, you do it. If you screw up, and we all do, you do what you can to make amends and make things right. “Andy” didn’t learn this lesson, which is why he has no repeat business.

You do something right, and the person you did right by will tell 10 people. You do wrong by somebody, they will go out and tell a thousand.

Perception is reality. How you are perceived is what is real to another person. Who you associate with reflects back on you.

Here’s another story about perception and association…

I grew up with a guy who had friends that were in a gang. Now this guy wasn’t in the gang himself, but he hung out with gangsters. One day, he was shot in the back by a guy wielding a twelve gauge shotgun in a drive by. The gangbanger’s didn’t care that he wasn’t actually in the gang, it was guilt by association. The guy recovered, but didn’t end his association with his gang friends.

Several years later, another incident happened. This time, the guy’s girlfriend ended up as a casualty. Unfortunately for her, she died. Apparently some rival gang members tried and botched a hit on the guy that I knew and she ended up caught in the crossfire. All because of who he associated with.

As a Man, be careful, or mindful, or conscious, or whatever other description you want to throw in here, of who you associate or attach yourself with or to. Guilt by association is a real thing. This goes for real life associations as well as online associations.

At the end of the day, if you are associating with someone who is doing something dishonest or something questionable, what does that say about you? What do you think other’s are going to think about you? If you don’t care, that’s fine. Don’t be surprised when people start distancing themselves from you though. Don’t be surprised when your business suffers because of who or what you are associating with. Perception is reality and guilt by association is a real thing. And sometimes you won’t be able to repair or recover your reputation. In fact, you may just take on a new reputation. A reputation that doesn’t work for you, but works against you.

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