Tag: men and women

The Ultimate Goal

Rob SaysLeave a comment

Screenshot_20200728-090239 (2)

“Is the ultimate goal of an older man to get so set in his life that there’s nothing consequential a woman can add to his lifestyle except herself?” – Dr. Lucas Bly

YES.

I saw a tweet the other day and it got me to thinking. When I was younger, back in my 20’s and even through my 30’s and into my very early 40’s, I always thought that I needed or even wanted a woman to be able to somehow “contribute” to my lifestyle. I wanted her to be able to “bring something to the relationship,” something that I either needed or wanted. Something that I was lacking.

Let me tell you right now, that way leads to disappointment and potentially to misery. Women are a compliment to your life, as Rollo is fond of saying, and I agree. You need to “have a life” though and your life itself can’t be about her.

I don’t mean that you can’t have women in your life and that if you do, the only thing that they will be able to offer is sex. You can and you will, if you put yourself out there, find women who have more to offer than just sex. But you need to “have a life” first. A life that regardless if she is in it or not, you are good. You are good with your life and where and how it is going. She has nothing to do with that.

Sometimes the most consequential thing a woman can bring to a man’s life is nothing more than herself. This isn’t pedestalization, this is simply man and woman dynamics at play. It doesn’t make her a princess or a special snowflake, but when she is in your life, for however long she is in your life, she adds to it. There is more being brought in than if she wasn’t there. But at the same time, you are good without her being there.

Part of my lifestyle is that I have my finances in order. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m completely debt free, because I’m not, but it does mean that whether there is  a woman, or more than one woman in my life, my finances will not suffer. I do not rely on her to pay any of my bills. I do not need her as a roommate to contribute to my mortgage. If I’m involved with women, my debts aren’t hers and vice versa. She gets to figure out how she is going to get herself out of the hole she has dug for herself. Her debts are not my problem.

My life is in order so whether women show up, leave, stick around, flake, ghost, or do anything else, I’m good. They can be in my company and we’ll have a great time for as long as that lasts, or she can go and do something else with somebody else. Either way I’m good.

Getting “set in life” doesn’t mean that you have become crystallized and are an immovable block of granite with no room to grow and to change or to enjoy things with a woman, or to enjoy her herself. It doesn’t mean that you don’t feel anything either. It just means that you have most if not all of your affairs in order and that no matter what happens, no matter who comes into your life, and no matter who leaves your life, you will ultimately be okay.

Living this way is not only reassuring to me, which is the most important reason for doing it, but it takes pressure off of her as well. You don’t need her for anything, so you don’t have an air of desperation about you. There are no covert contracts going on. In many ways, you can “just be yourself.”

I’ve played house twice in my life so far. The first time was my marriage, which lasted for a total of seven years, and the second time was a long term, live-in girlfriend which lasted for about four years. Both times I had the basic finances covered. The house and the mortgage are both in my name and my name alone. I make enough money to pay that and all of my utilities plus a few luxury expenditures as well as leaving enough behind to save up for a rainy day. Anything monetarily that I woman brings to me as far as our relationship goes, is gravy. I’m willing to let her spend money on me, but I don’t need her to and I’ve never become dependent on a woman for that.

I figured that one out for myself back in my mid-thirties, so it’s been over a decade that I’ve been living with that “blueprint.” It has not steered me wrong. I’ve had a bunch of casual and short term relationships as well as the two longest relationships of my life under the same roof, and when all of those relationships ended for one reason or another, I’ve come out fine in the end.

When I love women, I love them hard. I go all in. I don’t hold anything back. I guess that is the romantic in me, or the somewhat artistic side of me coming out. That doesn’t mean that I lose my mind and start doing stupid shit, but that also doesn’t mean that I need them or that I’m going to do something as foolish as take on their debt or sign up for more debt with them. Loving them hard and my fiscal decisions about my own life have nothing to do with each other. They are two completely seperate categories and as far as I’m concerned, they are mutually exclusive. I can love deeply, feel things profoundly, and I can also say that my life is in order enough and intact enough that if and/or when she leaves, I’ll be just fine.

So to answer that question that was asked, “Is the ultimate goal of an older man to get so set in his life that there’s nothing consequential a woman can add to his lifestyle except herself?”

The answer is yes.

There is ideally nothing consequential that a woman can bring to my lifestyle except herself, and honestly, that’s enough for me. That’s why I happen to like women and I keep going after them.

It’s more than enough.

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Lust, Sex, And Corona

Rob Says1 Comment

mona lisa protection protect virus

Since the beginning of the pandemic, women have been staying in their homes, which isn’t too surprising as the majority of women are risk assessors and tend to follow the herd. Since the bars closed down in mid-February, meeting eligible and willing women became, let’s say, a helluva task.

So I had to resort to Online Dating yet again. Ah yes, online dating. You love to hate it. Red Pill Dad on Twitter got me to see the light and get off it, and yet, here I am, back on it, like a junkie relapsing.

February, March, April, and May were all busts. Completely. Not a lot of matches and the ones that did match were bored and scared. I couldn’t get one of them, not ONE, to come out of the house and meet me face to face.

You see, when it comes to the idea of Game, I look at it as nothing more than getting a woman to show up to have sex. Game is about getting laid. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m sure different guys will have different opinions about what Game is or isn’t, but to me, that’s the literal definition of Game.

Getting women to give you their phone number is great, but it’s only first step in ultimately getting to sex. Texting with them and even calling them and talking with them is just more steps to getting them out of the house and into your bed.

Here’s how I do my version of online dating:

I start off by “carpet bombing” a lot of women. I “like” or “swipe right” on a lot of different girls. I don’t generally bother reading their profiles because, let’s be honest, the majority of them are cut and paste and are pretty much all the same. I look at their pictures and if I like what I see, I swipe right. Then I move right on to the next profile and I’ll do this until I either run out of options or I get busy or bored, whichever comes first.

Then I’ll see what shows up.

Once I get a match, then I’ll actually take the time to read their profiles and see what I can gather from it. I look at the usual suspects: Age, height, weight, location, kids, and so forth. From there I’ll craft my intro text. I tend to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. I also try and inject some humor into it.

For me, whenever a woman shows any interest in me, “it’s on.” I start to banter, flirt, joke, and gently tease. I tend to not do “hard negs” because 99 out of 100 women are walking bundles of insecurity and I don’t need to add to that. I tend to look for things where I can bust on her co-workers or her roommates, or her boss, or maybe some of her friends. I try and create an atmosphere of “us against them.”

If she “shit-tests” I either ignore it completely as if she didn’t say anything, or I’ll “agree and amplify” it.

My whole goal during these interactions is to get her out of the house and in front of me, face to face. My mindset is that I’m an awesome Man and once she meets me she’ll want to be with me. If I can get her out of the house and in front of me, she’s mine.

Texting on the dating apps is fine for a moment, but the sooner I can get her phone number, the better. I don’t waste my time with getting her IG account or any of that nonsense. A woman who gives you her IG instead of her phone number isn’t interested in you other than you becoming an orbiter on her social media. Move on.

Sometimes I’ll ask for her number, sometimes I give her mine first, and sometimes they’ll give me theirs unsolicited. Different guys will have different takes about this, but I honestly think you should do whatever feels natural and whatever works in that moment with that particular woman.

Here’s a screenshot from a recent example:

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This woman and I matched on a Sunday evening and we started bantering and she ended up giving me her phone number unsolicited.

I texted her in the morning and we bantered briefly and by Monday as I was leaving work, I decided to call her, which for me, is the next step to getting her out of the house. We ended up talking for three hours. Not what I had initially planned, but sometimes you have to adapt and improvise and roll with it. She all but asked me to come to her house. Being that it was Monday evening and I was wiped out from work, I declined at that time and set up a date for the upcoming Thursday night.

While I was talking to texting with her, I had also matched with my Goth girl that I mentioned that I wanted to meet in a prior post.

Here are some screenshots of her and I texting one another:

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Notice the “shit-test.” How do you think I handled it? Here’s how:

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Not very creative, I know. The point is though, if my age is going to be an issue, it’s either going to be an issue now or later. I would rather it be now than later and not waste any more of my or her time.

Here’s what she said:

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As I said in the screenshot, I knew she was 28. Obviously me being 48 wasn’t an issue for her either. She had more to say though:

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So now she’s qualifying herself to me.

I matched up with Goth Girl a couple of days before the other woman and I was conversing with both of them at the same time. I had gotten their phone numbers and I had talked to both of them on the phone. Remember what I said earlier:

My goal is to get them out of the house and meet me face to face. If I can get them to meet me face to face, she’s mine.

I had made a date to meet Goth Girl on Tuesday and the other woman on Thursday. Not too shabby. Except on Monday, Goth Girl cancelled and I knew that she would. You do this stuff long enough, and you start to see patterns and when certain things like flaking or cancelling become predictable.

When Goth Girl cancelled, I turned right around and texted the other woman to see if she was available for Tuesday night. Turns out she was. Turns out she came over after work and spent the night with me. She did this all without meeting me face to face and only seeing a handful of photos and hearing my voice on the phone.

I say this not to brag, but to show you what is possible. Can a woman meet you at your own place and climb into your bed without actually meeting you somewhere else beforehand? Absolutely. Was it because I was running tight fucking game or was it because I was the “right guy at the right place at the right time?”

Don’t care. Got laid.

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Social Wasteland

Rob Says1 Comment

sand dunes scenery

I’m sitting here writing this and watching a couple of YHT (younger, hotter, tighter) drinking and dancing on Facebook Live. They are listening to an eclectic bunch of music, everything from Fleetwood Mac to Type O Negative, and they are really getting into it when Tool comes on.

Ah, the goth scene. Where everyone dresses in black and the music bleeds like heroin and melancholy. I remember those days. Apparently there is a revival going on, goth is trying to make a comeback.

Watching these YHT dancing and drinking in front of the camera makes me a little sad. Sad for the fact that I’m reading the comments and listening to the girls interacting with the chat, and none of these souls know how to communicate with each other.

It would be fun and sexy, these girls have great moves and the curves in the right places to match, but they don’t know how to honestly interact with others. They are the very definition of “socially awkward.”

And it’s not just the girls on the video stream, it’s the entire chat. It’s their “friends” on Facebook. Nobody knows how to flirt. Nobody knows how to give or receive a compliment. Nobody knows how to communicate. And they want to. So fucking bad. Everybody wants to genuinely engage, they want to actually communicate with one another, but it’s like they don’t know how.

It’s something like:

“Hey, you’re cute.”

“I like corn bread and music and flowers?”

I sat and watched this for a while, watching those girls, and by girls, I’m talking about late 20-somethings. I watched them dance, and laugh, sometimes sing but mostly lip sync to their favorite songs. And I got sad. Sad because these girls were lonely. I could see it in their eyes. I could see it in their behavior. They weren’t drinking. They were medicating. They so desperately wanted to connect with someone and they didn’t know how. And the chat wasn’t any better. There wasn’t as much “thirst” going on there, since this wasn’t a public performance, but nobody knew how to really interact with each other.

It’s a malaise. No wonder people do the drugs they do. No wonder we drink to excess. No wonder anti-depressants and other SSRI use is off the charts.

We live in a time of relative peace, plenty, and prosperity. At no other point in history have we had it so good. We are living longer in general, we have the best medical technology to date, and we literally want for nothing.

And yet we do. Want. We want for something. We want for connection. We want for some form of intimacy and understanding. I saw all of this in those young women’s faces. I could see their lives of quiet desperation by the fact that they were “trying too hard.” Trying too hard to look like they were having fun. Trying too hard to get inebriated as quickly as possible so that they could be numb.

Numb from their malaise. Numb from their fear. Numb from life in general. Numb from the fact that things don’t always work out the way that you had intended.

That’s part of the problem though, being numb. You medicate away your pain, longing, and loneliness and all that is left after a brief high is numbness. And then that numbness becomes a sort of “pain” itself.

I stopped watching the video shortly after one of the young women decided to flash her tits. Of course she flashed her tits, it’s part of the script, it’s part of what you do when “you only live once” and “fuck the world” and give it the finger while sticking your tongue out.

I really worry about younger people today. They aren’t just starting at zero, they are starting at a deficit, a negative. Who is to blame and what is to blame doesn’t really matter because it’s not going to change the situation that they are in. Pointing fingers isn’t going to solve the problem.

I’m glad that I am where I am in my life and that I am who I am. I wouldn’t trade places with anyone.

Someone asked me what I thought about dating these days compared to when I was younger. I think dating has gotten easier as I have gotten older. In many ways I have more options now than I did when I was in my 20’s or even in my 30’s.

I know how to flirt and how to communicate and it blows women away when I can carry a conversation with them and it just flows. This isn’t just younger women who say these things to me, this is women in my own age group as well. Maybe that’s part of my “edge.” I don’t know and I don’t really care all that much.

It seems that at least with the younger crowd, the women don’t know what they want, and guys are too scared to speak their minds and say things that could be considered offensive. Basically guys don’t know how to communicate and I’m not talking about that tired trope of “communication is everything,” but I am talking about being able to not give a fuck if somebody doesn’t like what you have to say, but you’re willing to say it anyway.

It’s like watching two magnets where the “north” ends are pushing away from each other instead of a “north/south” dynamic that pulls them in together.

Where does all of this go from here? I honestly have no idea. It was a little bit of a shock to me to watch these videos of these young women and see them literally baring their souls for the whole world to see. To see their loneliness behind the booze and the sexy dancing. To see their awkwardness as they fumbled with communicating with their chat and to watch the chat fumble around as well. And to think, these were people that were in their mid to late 20’s, possibly into their early 30’s.

They were having a “not-conversation.” They were doing “not-flirting.” It was like fumbling around in the dark trying to find a light switch, because you could tell they were looking for it, everyone was. And yet nobody could find it and turn the light on. It was like they knew they were looking for something (the light switch) but they couldn’t describe it or knew what it looked like.

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