Tag: men and women

Be Gone. Stay Gone.

Rob Says3 Comments

2020-10-12 (4)

I tweeted this little nugget the other day:

“If you’re gone, then be gone. Stay gone. I don’t have time for anything else.” – Me

I tweeted this because out of nowhere, my ex-girlfriend decided to text me. I haven’t texted with her in over 8 months and it’s been over 9 months since I last actually talked to her. The funny thing is, she texted me 9 months to the exact day from the last time that I talked to her.

I’m not going to go into the particulars of her text other than it felt like a “feeler.” Like she wanted to dip her toes in the water and test out the temperature. Maybe that’s what she is doing, maybe not. I do know that I had posted some videos and pictures to Instagram from The Village By The Lake that had been taken about a week before I posted them. I also happen to know that she follows me on Instagram.

According to her, she had been thinking about me lately. I guess seeing videos and pictures of someone from your past will do that.

I saw this little gem right before I started writing this particular post:

2020-10-12 (5)

“If your ex texts you, it’s probably because she tried to replace you, but failed.” – @GotPickup

I wonder if there is any truth to that.

I’ve always wondered about this when an ex shows up back in my life. I’ve always wondered why. I only did that one time, and that was over 28 years ago. I had reached out to my “One,” and I had wanted her back. I recall her saying, “I’m sorry Rob, but that door is closed to you forever.” It crushed me then, but looking back on it with the eyes of wisdom, it was a good thing that we never did try again.

I’ve never really been good at “being friends” when a relationship ends. If I end it, I realize that I don’t want her in my life anymore and I don’t see any reason for staying in touch. In a great majority of the cases, I don’t hold any animosity or harbor any grudges or bad feelings, I just don’t see the point in staying in touch. As I see it, the only thing that we have in common is our past and I don’t see the point in strolling down memory lane.

If my partner ended the relationship, well I don’t see any point in staying in touch there either. The hard truth that you need to accept is that that person decided that they no longer want to be with you and have you in their lives to the degree that you were when you were together. As far as I’m concerned, if someone doesn’t want to be with me, I don’t want to be with them. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?

I tried explaining this to my Mother many years ago and all she could say about it was that I “wasn’t a sentimental person.” Maybe that’s true to some degree. I don’t live in my past like a lot of people do, I would rather live in the present and look toward the future.

Here’s a short passage from Fuccfiles by Rian Stone:

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While he is talking more specifically about guys being beta orbiters, the point still stands. I think he’s totally correct here. She doesn’t want you, she wants to know she could have you. Otherwise you would be together. Maybe that’s just another way of saying what was said earlier about she tried to replace you and most likely failed. I honestly don’t know.

“She didn’t want me, but she didn’t want me to be with anyone else.” – My Dad talking about my Mother after she died.

I still get a sick feeling in my stomach and those words still ring in my ears when I think about what my Father said to me the day after my Mother died.

In all of my years and all of my experiences with women over those years, that has to be the most brutal thing I have ever heard from another man. I still try to fathom why a guy would choose to stick around a woman who doesn’t want to be with him and I can’t wrap my head around it. I can understand if he knows that she doesn’t want him and he’s just biding his time to exit, like waiting for his children who are close to adulthood to finish growing up, and then he is out. I can understand that ulterior motive, but the “unrequited love” thing, I just don’t get it. I can’t comprehend it.

I’m not sure how many women read my blog, but I imagine that there are a couple of you out there who do. I’m going to say something that is going to be pretty unpopular:

Men and women can’t “just be friends.”

Actually they can, but only in two circumstances:

  1. There is no attraction from either party.
  2. Both of you are gay.

If there is attraction from one side, but not the other, there will be “unrequited love,” covert contracts, and ultimately conflict, confusion, and heartbreak. While I do believe that men and women can possibly be friends if there is no attraction from either party, I also believe that we are different enough when it comes to the goals, aspirations, and desires that we each have. Basically, if there is no mutual attraction, there isn’t enough “other things” there to keep a serious, stable friendship between a man and a woman. In short, you want a friend? Get a dog.

When I have said that I would like to “remain friends” with a woman after a relationship had ended, the truth was that I was looking not for a chance to “get back together,” but more for a chance at still having sex with that person. If sex wasn’t an option, then why bother being friends? It was the sex and intimacy that was the glue of the relationship and our interests were different enough that they wouldn’t carry us through as “just friends.”

Basically, I don’t give a shit about her interests unless I’m having sex with her or that there could be the possibility of me having sex with her. My interests are going to be unique enough that most women aren’t going to be into the same things that I am and that’s okay. If we aren’t having sex or the possibility of us having sex isn’t there though, why should I care about what she cares about?

This is why I don’t “remain friends” with women. I either know that sex isn’t a possibility or I don’t want it from her anymore, so why waste time talking about things that I don’t care about and she probably doesn’t care about either? Why waste either of our time?

No hard feelings, but if you are gone, then be gone and stay gone.

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Sheila Likes…

Rob Says2 Comments
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“Sheila”

Sheila likes Tequila – Steelheart

I swear to god that my entire life is a fucking soundtrack. Every major event for me and even some of the minor ones, have an accompanying soundtrack. It’s one part musical, one part opera, and one part concert that is constantly going on in the background.

Today is no exception.

Red Pill Dad wrote a totally awesome blog post the other day that specifically dealt with the question of, “Do you give a woman your phone number, or do you take her number from her?” While he definitely came at it from a particular angle and I do happen to agree with him, I can also see the “other side” as well. As a side-note, I’ve had some success with both approaches. To me, it all depends on the context and the woman. More importantly though, Red Pill Dad addressed the pudwacks in the Spergosphere. On that particular topic I agree with him 110% and then some. Maybe that is part of why I do what I do. I got tired of seeing the dipshits doing dipshittery and taking other guys down with them. It’s tough enough out in the world trying to be a Man, let alone have some dumbass filling your head with nothing but pure unadulterated bullshit.

Anyways, while I was reading his article, I was drinking a beer and listening to Steelheart, and the song “Sheila” came on. I have no idea why, but this song reminds me of a woman that I met this last December.

Now mind you, I met her online, and she’s 43 (Gasp! I can almost hear and see the pudwacks pulling their dicks out to have a masturbation circle over what I’m writing about. Dude! I only bang 9’s and 10’s! She’s old! Blah, blah, blah…)

“Sheila” is another woman with a bunch of red flags.

Now, I don’t want you, Gentle Reader, to misunderstand me. I’m not shitting on her. She was an amazing woman. She was under 5 feet tall, 4’9 if my memory serves me correctly, and to a short fucker like me, that made me a literal giant when she stood next to me. She weighed 95 pounds, had an athletic build, and had no children. She was intelligent, had a razor sharp wit, and even had the goth thing going on. Physically, this woman pressed ALL of my buttons. Well, almost all of my buttons. The only thing that I could bitch about was her hair was much shorter than I generally like. But now I’m just being picky.

But…

The red flags…. And oh man, were there red flags…

She was on SSRI’s. She had enough mental issues going on that she was able to get disability from the state. She didn’t have a job and she didn’t work. She didn’t have a car, and she didn’t have a drivers license. And at 43 years old, she lived at home with her parents.

Whew…

Being on disability is a big one for me. That means she’s on a fixed income with a minimal likelihood that it was going to improve unless things in her life changed in a major way and she was able to rejoin the workforce. I can’t have that in my life. Not in any medium to long term sense. I can’t be the only one bringing in the money. She has got to be able to pull her own weight to some degree.

The not having a car or the ability to drive legally was another big one for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lazy fucker and I like my women to be able to drive to me. I like it when they will come to my house, help me fix dinner, fuck me, maybe sleep over, but then drive their happy asses home the next morning, or even later that same night. The idea that I would have to play chauffeur for her happy ass is not something I wanted to do except maybe once or twice, but after that? Nah.

Did I mention that this poor woman had been engaged and that her fiance had committed suicide? Oh I must have forgotten that one earlier. That was something I learned from her on the first and only occasion that I went out with her. While we were driving to the bar to get a drink is when I learned about her guy and how less than a year earlier, he had taken his own life.

“Sheila” wasn’t ready to date. Why she was on dating apps still blows my mind to this day. She hadn’t dealt with her grief and her loss and here she was, out on the town with a guy who wanted to bang the fuck out of her.

Ultimately “Sheila” and I went nowhere. There was nowhere to go and the writing was clearly on the wall for me. I just wanted to bang because she pressed all of my physical buttons. Given half a chance, I would still take a swing at that one. The red flags though, they are too much, even for me, especially when all I wanted to do was bang.

Not every encounter is a win. Not every date is a lay. Sometimes they “get away,” and sometimes you release them because you know what you are getting yourself into and it’s not worth the energy or the effort. Sometimes the results aren’t worth the price you pay.

I like to think that “Sheila” is getting help for her myriad of ills and issues. I really hope she does. She’s a sweet girl who is highly intelligent, has a fantastic body that she takes a lot of pride in and takes care of, and whether you believe “deserve” has anything to do with anything, I believe she “deserves” another chance at finding love and happiness. She just won’t find it with me.

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Your Frame Is Everything

Rob Says1 Comment

white framed glass window

There’s a guy that I subscribe to on YouTube who put out a video recently that got me to thinking. I don’t always agree with this particular individual’s take on things, but I do think that he is highly intelligent, cares deeply about his topics, cares deeply about his subscribers, and that when he creates a video on a topic, he gives it a lot of thought.

That being said, I think for this particular video, it was a swing and a miss.

He talks about “hypergamy refuses to choose.” He talks about women in general refusing to choose either A or B, whatever those things might be. He mentions that women “want it all.” I agree with him on this. This is women’s nature. They don’t like to be “pinned down” and they don’t like to choose, not really. They don’t like to choose because they don’t know what they want.

Ask a woman what she wants and she’ll give you a different answer for the same question depending on the time of day, what’s going on in her life, and her mood. That’s just her nature. She doesn’t know what she wants, and that’s okay. Of course she wants it all. That’s just her nature.

“Would you rather spend time in the mountains, or on the beach?” “Both.”

“Would you rather go out or stay in?” “Both.”

The guy says, “Tell me about your values, your morals, and your ethics.” Women don’t know, not really. They are fluid. It doesn’t make women bad or inferior, it just makes them women. They are different.

I think the guy seemed pretty frustrated when he can’t get a woman to commit to an answer, and that’s because he’s still treating her like she is a man. She’s not.

Men will commit to an answer to the question of their values, morals, ethics, what they like to eat, and whether they would rather go to the mountains or to the beach. That’s what men do. We commit. That’s not what women do.

The guy mentions, “Pay attention to the girl who chooses everything, because that means she chooses nothing.” All women are like that. From 12 years old up until their deaths, women are like that. My 67 year old mother was like that right up until the day she died.

Women are the most responsible teenager in the house, so act accordingly.

I say his video was a swing and miss, not because he was wrong, but because he was asking the wrong questions.

It’s not about what she chooses, or what she stands for, or what she values. It’s about what do you stand for? What do you value? What do you choose?

Women are happy to go along, they are happy to support, they are usually happy with whatever you choose. So that’s what you do.

Instead of worrying and ending up chasing her around, you do what matters to you. Stop chasing her. Focus on your goals and desires. If she’s interested in you, she’ll be more than happy to come along for the ride. If not, she’ll go away.

Women want to be lead. They want to follow. Anything else will eventually lead to unhappiness and misery for the both of you.

Stop focusing on what she stands for. It changes and she doesn’t know what she stands for. Focus on what you stand for. Focus on what you want to do. Focus on where you want to go, and then invite her to come along. Either she will or she won’t. Either way, you’re doing what you want to do and you’re going where you want to go, and if she doesn’t want to come along, that’s fine. Worst case, you’ll find someone else who is more than eager and willing to go your direction.

You can’t be angry or upset that a cheetah has spots instead of stripes. You can’t be angry that a cheetah isn’t a tiger or a lion. A cheetah is going to cheetah. A tiger is going to tiger. It’s what they do, it’s their nature. Same goes for women. You can’t get angry over the fact that she doesn’t think and act like you do. That’s not her nature. It doesn’t mean that you put up with bad behavior, but you can’t be mad or overly concerned about her nature.

The guy goes on later in the video to say things like, “You can’t trust them.” Sure you can. You can trust them to be them. You can trust that they are going to act in their own best self interest. And then you act accordingly for your own best self interest. Maybe that means calling her out on bad behavior, maybe that means that you stop paying attention to her when she does something that you don’t care for. Maybe that means you let it slide because it’s honestly not that big of a deal. Or maybe that means you put her out the door or you walk out the door yourself and you don’t look back.

The guy more or less finishes the video with “Be very suspicious gentlemen and be very careful with women.” It was almost like he was about to say, “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze,” or something along those lines. I disagree with him here. That’s putting yourself in her frame, her reality. You are the one “worrying” about what she is going to do, say, etc. Worry about your goals and whatnot instead. Ultimately she either comes along or not.

Instead of asking her, “What would you like for dinner?” Ask instead, “Which would you rather have, chicken, steak, or pizza?” Whatever answer she gives you, you still “win” because you decided for yourself that either chicken, steak, or pizza sounded good for dinner for you.

When you make plans, you don’t have to do everything. Just the critical things. Give her things that she can help out with, but aren’t necessarily crucial. If you are going out of town for a few days, have her pack the clothes. Every woman I have met are master packers. They have it down to a science and are far better packers than I will ever be. Let her prep some of the food while you worry about making sure you have the tent, the batteries for the flashlights, the fuel and tinder for the campfire, and the firearms when you go camping. Let her support you. You don’t have to do it all. Just make sure that you handle the most critical stuff. Make sure if you are flying together that you have the airline tickets and ID’s. Let her worry about packing the luggage.

Stop trying to change a cheetah into a tiger, that’s not going to happen. Stop being concerned with why she does what she does and with what she wants. Focus on what you want and need and go from there.

In summation:

What do women want?

Who cares?

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