Tag: life experience

Honor, Virtue, and Chivalry

Rob SaysLeave a comment
knight in front of woman in green dress
Bending The Knee For M’Lady.

The definition of honor according to Webster: A good name or public esteem.

The definition of virtue according to Webster: Conformity to a standard of right.

The definition of chivalry according to Webster: Literally, mounted men-at-arms. Or, a gallant or distinguished gentleman.

These things all sound great don’t they? Sure they do. They all sound great on paper and in theory. However, honor, virtue, and chivalry are nothing but “container” words. What is a “good name?” You get to decide what that is. You get to put that meaning in the container. What is a standard of right? Again, you get to put that meaning into the container. Same with a gallant or distinguished gentleman. As a bonus, gallant and distinguished are also container words.

They are vague. They are “hypnotic.” What they have in common though, is expectations. When you throw around words like honor, virtue, and chivalry, what you are really doing is telegraphing your expectations. Your expectations of you, and most likely, other people. News flash: You are setting yourself up for disappointment. People are going to do what they want to do and rationalize it and justify it after the fact, but they are still going to do it. Meanwhile, you are going to be disappointed because they didn’t live up to that expectation of your definition of honor, virtue, or chivalry. But hey, you get to burn.

I’ve had a problem with honor, virtue, and chivalry because they are going to mean something different to everybody. Sort of like the word, love. We all “know” what it is, but it’s going to be different for everybody. I have a problem with honor, virtue, and chivalry because more likely than not, your definition of these words are going to differ from mine. I know I’m not going to hold you to my definition of these words, and that’s because I don’t “deal” in them. I guess I’m not “honorable, virtuous, and chivalrous” like “everybody else.”

I would rather deal in “what is,” instead of what was, or even better, what ought to be.

To me, talking about honor, virtue, and chivalry is mostly mental masturbation. We are jerking off over definitions of something that is vague and is out of reach. It’s an ideal. Philosophers both recent and long deceased have argued the merits and terms of these words, and that’s fine. I don’t care. I’m just going to live my life and “do me.”

I would rather choose to live for experiences than argue or discuss what is or isn’t honorable or virtuous. I would rather feel the burn of a good scotch going down my throat than talk of the mythical days of yore.

I would rather feel the sting of cigar smoke in my eye, especially if it brings a tear. That’s an experience.

Here’s a fun experience I had recently:

Me: “Mmmm…You are salty!”

Her: “My attitude or my skin?”

Me: “Yes.”

Massive amounts of laughter ensued.

That’s the kind of shit I live for.

Maybe my lack of interest in honor, virtue, and chivalry may make me “immoral” in some people’s eyes. I don’t care. I don’t consider myself moral or immoral. I guess I’m amoral. I do what I want to do for the experience that doing whatever it is, brings. I try not to infringe on other people and what they are doing, because I don’t care for it when they infringe upon me.

I guess I spent so many years in my head, talking about ideals and codes and what ought to be, and ultimately ending up miserable, that now as I’ve gotten older, I realize that ultimately, nobody gives a shit, and that set me free. For the most part, I can do what I want. If people don’t like it, nobody gives a shit, especially me. As long as I’m not putting you in harm’s way, I’m good.

If you want to wax poetic about honor, virtue, and chivalry, that’s totally fine by me. You do you. You do your thing. I’m not interested in those subjects though, and frankly, I don’t think I would have anything to add to it, other than what I’m saying about it right here, right now.

I’ll be over here, feeling the burn of booze in the back of my throat, smelling the sweet smell of a good cigar, tasting the spice and heat of some good food, and enjoying her salty attitude and her salty skin.

Cheers.

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There Is No Spoon

Rob Says2 Comments

stainless steel spoon

Guys, I’m going to say something that might be considered anathema and controversial, but here goes.

There is no gender war. The only gender war that I’m seeing is on social media and in various media outlets. If all you do is consume what’s on the internet and on the television, of course there’s a gender war. When I go out at night, when I’m out and about doing my job, when I’m out grocery shopping or running errands, I don’t see a gender war anywhere around me.

I went out the other night to a couple different nightspots. I saw a handful of dudes and a bunch of women at one, and I saw about a 50-50 ratio of men to women at the other location. No gender war in sight. All I saw was a bunch of people having a good time dancing and drinking and mingling with one another. No toxic masculinity, no SJW’s on parade bitching about being oppressed. Just men and women enjoying their evenings with one another.

Does the gender war actually exist? I’m sure it does. At least in theory or on paper. It’s psychological warfare meant to divide and conquer. If you are getting sucked into it, guess what? You are the target at that point. Whoever is putting out this message is trying to divide you from other’s. Recognize it for what it is. It’s Wag The Dog writ large and in real time. Can you actually do something about it? Can you change it? Is it actually useful to you?

As Rian Stone put it, “Be Attractive, Don’t Be Unattractive.” How is getting fired up about a gender war attractive? Is getting fired up about “toxic masculinity” attractive? Is getting pissed off about some hit piece on some obscure website, written by some unattractive, outraged woman attractive, or unattractive? Is it useful to you? Besides the dopamine hit and being able to simmer in your own juices, does it do anything for you?

I’m all for a man or a woman being able to feed off their own emotions, god knows, I’ve done a lot of that over the years, but is it attractive or unattractive? Does it get you to do something useful for you? Or is it a form of masturbation and release? Are you becoming more attractive, or just jerking off?

I keep looking for the gender war around me and I keep missing it I guess. I’m not finding it. I see a lot of confused people trying to figure themselves and each other out and how they fit together in our world, but that’s been going on since I can remember. Not much has changed there.

I actually feel sorry for women today. Most of the garbage that is out there, claiming there is a gender war going on, was written by women for women. They are poisoning their own well, and then drinking it to boot. The women who stumble across it are stopping and having a big old drink of it and fucking themselves up even more than before. God help them. Oh well, I’ve said it before, and here it is again, they have to burn.

I think we as Men are too much in our heads most of the time. We overthink things and make them way more complicated than they need to be.

“This woman slid up to me and is grinding on me…What do I do? What do I say? I need to play it cool. I need to be calm and think straight. What if I put my arms around her and pull her in? What if she doesn’t like that? What if she doesn’t want that? Oh god, I don’t want her to think…Wait…She’s leaving! Dammit! I should have….”

Get out of your heads my Brothers. Get out of your heads and back into your bodies. Don’t think, just act. It’s a yes until it’s a no.

There’s no gender war. At least not in the streets that I occupy. Not in the space that I inhabit. Just men and women doing their thing.  I guess that none of them got the memo that there is a gender war going on. And man, those women? They are friendly as hell and looking for a little company, even if it’s only for a few moments.

Drop a few kind words. Crack a joke. Tease her just a little bit. Smile at her. That’s attractive. Or stay locked in your gender war, getting pissed off over imaginary boogeymen that you can’t do anything about anyways. The choice as always, is yours. You get to burn. Don’t worry though, I’ll be watching, eating popcorn, and laughing my ass off. And once you put that fire out, I’ll ask you just one question:

“How’s that working out for ya, bud?”

There is no spoon. There is no gender war. There is just being attractive or being unattractive. Choose.

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