Jeremy Part 2

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I mentioned “Jeremy” in a prior post. I’m going to continue the tragi-comedy that is his life here. There’s been updates since I wrote the original post and published it.

The last time when we left off the story of our hero, “Jeremy” was still living with the woman and her two kids in a joint lease apartment. He was considering leaving her, and I even had suggested that that is what I would have done, if I had ended up in the same situation that he is currently in. Did “Jeremy” finally leave? Did he tell her to fuck off? Did “Jeremy” go scorched earth on her and set it all on fire?

No.

Not only didn’t he do any of what I just questioned, “Jeremy” is basically doubling down and wants to marry this woman. He’s waiting for the teenage daughter to become an adult (which is about another year or so from now) and then he wants to marry this woman.

“Jeremy” told me how he had a “talk” with his woman. He told me how he told her that he “didn’t feel appreciated for all of the things that he has done for her, her children, and their relationship.” He reasoned with her, he rationalized with her and with himself. Apparently things are going so well at the moment, he’s decided to marry her. She knows about this of course, because he’s told her.

I was done listening for the most part when he mentioned that he wants and is planning on marrying her. He thanked me for the advice that I had given him earlier. Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself, “when did I ever tell you to ‘man up and marry that ho?'” When did I ever tell him to sit down and have a “talk” with her and give her an ultimatum? When did I ever tell him to talk to her like she was a man? When did I tell him to try and reason with her?

I didn’t do any of those things. I didn’t tell him to do any of those things. I told him to get a different place to live in, change his phone number, and get the fuck out. That’s what I told him. I remember that, because I was there telling it to him. Apparently “Jeremy” is either two completely different guys, or he didn’t want to hear a thing I said.

Fuck it. “Jeremy” gets to burn. You can lead a horse to water and all of that.

It still amazes me to see grown men think and act like women are just better smelling, less hairy versions of men without penises.

Guys, women are NOT men. They never have been and they never will be men. They don’t think like men, let alone act like one. Get it through your thick skulls. You don’t talk to women like they are men. You don’t “reason” with them like you do with another man. Women don’t think and reason like men, and that’s because they aren’t men.

You will never cross that chasm. You will never truly understand how a woman thinks and why they think what they think and why they do what they do. Best give up trying to “get into their heads” and trying to understand their thought processes. Women themselves have admitted that they don’t know why they do the things they do.

Women can and do reason, they just do it differently than men do. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you let that shit go, the sooner you can get on with your life and be content. Women are going to women because they are women and that’s what they do.

Women do what they do because they can.

The only real power we have as men when dealing with women in today’s world is this:

The Takeaway.

Take away your attention. Take away your time. And if necessary and needed, take away your presence by walking out the fucking door. Stop throwing your time, money, and attention at someone who hasn’t earned it or is behaving badly. Stop doing the “Sunken Cost Fallacy” thing. Your time and as far as I’m concerned, your dignity is more important than how much money and “work” you’ve thrown at a woman.

Newsflash: She doesn’t care how much time, money, and effort you have thrown at a relationship with her. That’s your job, it’s expected. Stop looking for relational equity, there is none, there never was any, and there will never be any.

“Jeremy” is giving up the one thing that he truly has in his situation,  and that is the ability to walk away. He is giving it up and deciding on staying in his chains of bondage that he put on himself. “Jeremy” truly gets to burn.

When “Jeremy” mentioned that he wants to marry this gal, something inside me “snapped” and then died. I turned and looked at him and said with a smile,

“You’re gonna marry her? Good for you man! Sounds like you found your One! Your soulmate! I’m happy for you! Sounds like you guys were meant to be, and don’t worry about it, everything is going to work out just fine between you two.”

I need to stock up on matches and gasoline, it’s going to be a hot summer this year.

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Let ‘Em Burn Part 2

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The Latest Dumpster Fire Brought To You By BullRush.

Hang on with me here for a minute while I give you some definitions. I promise, there’s a point to it.

The definition of sadism: A delight in cruelty. Yes, there’s a sexual component in the main definition as well, but for the purposes of this article, I’m not using the sexual part, just the delight in cruelty.

The definition of masochism: pleasure in being abused or dominated a taste for suffering.

Normally, I’m not one to go back and read my blog posts once I’ve done the initial proof-reading and submitted it for posting. I’m definitely a “one and done guy” when it comes to what I write. Otherwise I would be constantly going back, changing shit up, adding something here, deleting something there, and the work would probably never see the light of day. My perfectionism in what I do is one way that I definitely set myself on fire.

I had to go back today though and read my first post about letting them burn. I wanted to make sure that what I’m going to bring up today isn’t just an entire repeat and rehash of that prior work.

Side note:

I’m really proud of that post. I’m also really proud of myself that I didn’t go back and start nitpicking it and rearranging it like I thought I would. I guess while I doused myself in gasoline with the thought of going back and revisiting it, I didn’t actually strike a match and set myself on fire.

The post still stands. I should hope it does, since it’s sort of my mantra.  Most of the stuff I write about is more, “notes to myself” than anything.

Here’s a funny thing I’ve realized:

I have a little sadistic streak. I get a little giddy when I watch someone burn. I find myself giggling when it happens. I’m not going to lie, it’s fun to watch them burn. I want to pull out the marshmallows and start cooking them over the fire, and then ask them, “How’s that working out for ya, bud?” But I know they won’t hear me over the sound of the flames.

I’m beginning to think in terms of sadism and masochism lately. The only thing I can think of when someone sets themselves on fire is that they want to burn, that they want to suffer. You and have both seen someone set themselves on fire again and again, over the same issue or issues. I’m thinking that if you do that, you’re probably a masochist. You enjoy the suffering. With the power of the internet at your fingertips, a group of Men in the ‘Sphere who are willing and able to help you out, and you ignore that help, or even better, you refuse it? You are a masochist in my eyes. You definitely get to burn. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you are a decent person, but burn you will. And I will enjoy watching it happen. I’ll warm my hands over your fire.

Every now and then, I’ll stumble across someone burning and get this impulse to want to help them, to save them from themselves. I have to take a step back, take a deep breath, and tell myself, “Let ‘Em Burn.” And then I can smile and nod, tell them what they want to hear if necessary, and get on with my life. I don’t get nearly as pissed off as I used to.

I have empathy, believe me I do. Whatever dumb shit someone is doing at that moment, I’ve probably done it before. So I most likely know where they are coming from. I just don’t do pity. I’m not going to feel sorry for myself when I set myself on fire, and I’m not going to feel sorry for you or anyone else when they set themselves on fire. You just get to burn.

I’m finding myself wanting to add fuel to that fire these days. It’s that sadist in me. Instead of just sitting back and roasting marshmallows, I’m wanting to “agree and amplify” the inferno in front of me. I’m thinking and hoping that what will happen is that you will burn hotter, faster, and brighter than before, and therefore you’ll burn out or put your own fire out faster so that we can get on with the business of getting on. Maybe that will work out. Maybe not. We’ll see. Time will tell.

Guys, if you are going to take “Let ‘Em Burn” to heart and actually use it, you’re going to have to get merciless and ruthless, especially with yourselves. Don’t do pity on yourselves. Don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Don’t kill yourselves when you set yourselves on fire, but don’t have a pity party either. It’s okay when you burn, that’s hopefully when and where you will learn about yourselves. Maybe you won’t be so eager to light another match on the next go around. Then again, maybe you’re a masochist and you enjoy your suffering. I understand that too. And if you want, I’m more than happy and willing to help you in that endeavor as well. I like to watch people twist in the wind. I enjoy the bonfires. The marshmallows are especially tasty when I’m toasting them over you. I enjoy it when I roast those babies over myself. Guess I’m kind of a masochist too.

When you’re either done burning and have put yourself out, or it burned out on it’s own, I’ll be there for you if you would like. I can either hand you a damp towel so that you can wipe the soot off of your face, or I can hand you another container of gasoline and another match.

Either way, I’m good.

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Call This What You Will

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A while back, I read the book How To Fail At Almost Everything And Still Win Big: Kind Of The Story Of My Life, by Scott Adams. In it, he talks about ways that we can view the world, or filters, so that we can better predict things that’ll happen and that make us happy. It’s a good read and I highly recommend it.

Lately I’ve been on a tirade of sorts about my own “axioms” or “ways that Rob does shit and views the world.” The origin of those ways that I choose to view things and how to deal with them so that I can be happy all originated from Scott’s book. His “truth filters” was the seed that was planted, so to speak.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, my axioms, my “mantras”, my way of viewing the world, being better able to predict what is happening in it, and also what makes me happy is:

  1. Be The Villain.
  2. Let ‘Em Burn.
  3. Scorched Earth Policy.
  4. Vote With Your Wallet.
  5. Vote With Your Attention.

I’ve learned over the years, by watching people do what they do, that they are consistent if anything. They’ll keep doing the same things over and over, getting into the same relationships, just with different people, and yet they think that “this time,” they’ll get it “right.” I’ve been guilty of doing this myself. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. You can show people where they need to do something different, you can even show them how to do it differently, but until they are ready and willing to actually do the work themselves, they are going to keep making the same mistakes and doing the same shit over and over. This is why they have to burn.

Somebody paraphrased my concept of being the villain as, “some people aren’t going to like you, get used to it.” They weren’t wrong, but they were only half right. It’s true that the majority of people that you are going to come into contact with are not going to have an opinion about you one way or another. They are going to be totally neutral towards you. Some are going to dislike you no matter what. Maybe you look like their Dad who abused them and abandoned them when they were young. Maybe it’s the color of your skin. Maybe it’s your name. All guys named Jason are assholes and you happen to be named Jason. People are funny that way. But being the villain is more than accepting that you’re going to piss people off and that they aren’t going to like you. Being the villain is also embracing the fact that you are going to piss people off and taking that concept all the way. Embrace being the villain. Relish it. Cherish it. Become the best villain you can be. Be ruthless in your villainry. Enjoy the role. Wax your black moustache to fine points while cackling wildly and donning your black hat. Don’t just accept that you are going to be the villain, enjoy being the villain. It’s okay if people hate you, that just means you are doing it right.

Scorched earth is that ability to be willing to lose it all, to burn it all right down to the ground. To be willing to lose your job, lose all your money, lose your family and kids even. It’s the ability to destroy anything and everything that you hold valuable to you. It doesn’t mean that you have to destroy everything that you hold dear to yourself, but it does mean that you are willing to destroy everything that matters to you. You can’t bluff someone who isn’t bluffing. You can’t lose when you are willing to destroy it all. That’s what it means when you hear that saying, “he has nothing to lose.” It also means destroying your opposition completely. Don’t pull any punches and don’t hold back. If you decide to go scorched earth, you go all the way or you don’t go at all. Being able and willing to go scorched earth is where you get that zero fucks mentality from, and it’s hard to beat someone who gives zero fucks.

Vote with your wallet is really simple. Stop giving money to people, businesses, and causes that don’t align with your values. Someone shitting on you for being a man? Stop buying their products. Stop going to their establishments. Get shitty service on a consistent basis? Stop eating there. Don’t bother with throwing reviews up on Yelp, that’s just mental masturbation. Nobody reads that shit anyways. Just stop showing up. Stop buying. When someone asks me about an establishment, a person, or a business that I refuse to give my money to, my only response to their inquiry is, “I don’t buy from them. I don’t shop there. I don’t do business with them.” I don’t need to say anything else really. They get the message. What they do with that information is up to them.

Vote with your attention is the simplest and probably the most powerful one. It’s the simplest, but it isn’t always the easiest. With so many things competing for our attention, it can be difficult to tune the bullshit out. When your emotions get engaged, it can be difficult to disconnect and let it go, but ultimately that’s what you have to do. You don’t like women selling nudie pics and vids on the internet? Don’t buy them. Don’t watch them. Don’t “like” them. This is simple economics 101. The market will collapse if there is a supply of whatever it is, but there’s no demand for it. Women acting bratty and disrespectful? Ignore the behavior as best you can and remove your attention, even if it means that by removing your attention, you are walking away from her. We can’t use the rod or the stick anymore, punishment is pretty much out of the question, but we can remove the carrot and not reward shitty behavior.

It’s hard for trolls and idiots to engage you when you ignore and/or block. It’s hard for anyone wanting to sperg out on you to get a reaction from you when you refuse to engage in it. There’s no argument when one party refuses to participate. I don’t get bullshit coming at me from dumpster fires because I refuse to jump in and participate in them. Life’s too short. You enjoy dumpster fires? You do you baby. I’ll sit back here eating popcorn, drinking a beer, and smoking a cigar and giggling profusely as that shitstorm rages on. Let it burn indeed.

I’m sure as time goes on, I’ll be updating or even replacing these “maxims.” I’ll change and grow as I always do. I’ll replace them when they no longer work and no longer make me happy. But until then, this is where I’m at and this is what works for me. Give them a shot, they may just work for you too.

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