Call This What You Will

August 28, 2019August 26, 2019 Rob SaysLeave a comment

beach blur clouds dawn

A while back, I read the book How To Fail At Almost Everything And Still Win Big: Kind Of The Story Of My Life, by Scott Adams. In it, he talks about ways that we can view the world, or filters, so that we can better predict things that’ll happen and that make us happy. It’s a good read and I highly recommend it.

Lately I’ve been on a tirade of sorts about my own “axioms” or “ways that Rob does shit and views the world.” The origin of those ways that I choose to view things and how to deal with them so that I can be happy all originated from Scott’s book. His “truth filters” was the seed that was planted, so to speak.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, my axioms, my “mantras”, my way of viewing the world, being better able to predict what is happening in it, and also what makes me happy is:

I’ve learned over the years, by watching people do what they do, that they are consistent if anything. They’ll keep doing the same things over and over, getting into the same relationships, just with different people, and yet they think that “this time,” they’ll get it “right.” I’ve been guilty of doing this myself. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. You can show people where they need to do something different, you can even show them how to do it differently, but until they are ready and willing to actually do the work themselves, they are going to keep making the same mistakes and doing the same shit over and over. This is why they have to burn.

Somebody paraphrased my concept of being the villain as, “some people aren’t going to like you, get used to it.” They weren’t wrong, but they were only half right. It’s true that the majority of people that you are going to come into contact with are not going to have an opinion about you one way or another. They are going to be totally neutral towards you. Some are going to dislike you no matter what. Maybe you look like their Dad who abused them and abandoned them when they were young. Maybe it’s the color of your skin. Maybe it’s your name. All guys named Jason are assholes and you happen to be named Jason. People are funny that way. But being the villain is more than accepting that you’re going to piss people off and that they aren’t going to like you. Being the villain is also embracing the fact that you are going to piss people off and taking that concept all the way. Embrace being the villain. Relish it. Cherish it. Become the best villain you can be. Be ruthless in your villainry. Enjoy the role. Wax your black moustache to fine points while cackling wildly and donning your black hat. Don’t just accept that you are going to be the villain, enjoy being the villain. It’s okay if people hate you, that just means you are doing it right.

Scorched earth is that ability to be willing to lose it all, to burn it all right down to the ground. To be willing to lose your job, lose all your money, lose your family and kids even. It’s the ability to destroy anything and everything that you hold valuable to you. It doesn’t mean that you have to destroy everything that you hold dear to yourself, but it does mean that you are willing to destroy everything that matters to you. You can’t bluff someone who isn’t bluffing. You can’t lose when you are willing to destroy it all. That’s what it means when you hear that saying, “he has nothing to lose.” It also means destroying your opposition completely. Don’t pull any punches and don’t hold back. If you decide to go scorched earth, you go all the way or you don’t go at all. Being able and willing to go scorched earth is where you get that zero fucks mentality from, and it’s hard to beat someone who gives zero fucks.

Vote with your wallet is really simple. Stop giving money to people, businesses, and causes that don’t align with your values. Someone shitting on you for being a man? Stop buying their products. Stop going to their establishments. Get shitty service on a consistent basis? Stop eating there. Don’t bother with throwing reviews up on Yelp, that’s just mental masturbation. Nobody reads that shit anyways. Just stop showing up. Stop buying. When someone asks me about an establishment, a person, or a business that I refuse to give my money to, my only response to their inquiry is, “I don’t buy from them. I don’t shop there. I don’t do business with them.” I don’t need to say anything else really. They get the message. What they do with that information is up to them.

Vote with your attention is the simplest and probably the most powerful one. It’s the simplest, but it isn’t always the easiest. With so many things competing for our attention, it can be difficult to tune the bullshit out. When your emotions get engaged, it can be difficult to disconnect and let it go, but ultimately that’s what you have to do. You don’t like women selling nudie pics and vids on the internet? Don’t buy them. Don’t watch them. Don’t “like” them. This is simple economics 101. The market will collapse if there is a supply of whatever it is, but there’s no demand for it. Women acting bratty and disrespectful? Ignore the behavior as best you can and remove your attention, even if it means that by removing your attention, you are walking away from her. We can’t use the rod or the stick anymore, punishment is pretty much out of the question, but we can remove the carrot and not reward shitty behavior.

It’s hard for trolls and idiots to engage you when you ignore and/or block. It’s hard for anyone wanting to sperg out on you to get a reaction from you when you refuse to engage in it. There’s no argument when one party refuses to participate. I don’t get bullshit coming at me from dumpster fires because I refuse to jump in and participate in them. Life’s too short. You enjoy dumpster fires? You do you baby. I’ll sit back here eating popcorn, drinking a beer, and smoking a cigar and giggling profusely as that shitstorm rages on. Let it burn indeed.

I’m sure as time goes on, I’ll be updating or even replacing these “maxims.” I’ll change and grow as I always do. I’ll replace them when they no longer work and no longer make me happy. But until then, this is where I’m at and this is what works for me. Give them a shot, they may just work for you too.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.

Demons

August 26, 2019August 24, 2019 Rob Says2 Comments

1_1e8i4KFLv8IOBTkKtCD08A

I got into a discussion with a friend a few days ago about “demons.” Now I’m not talking about mystical, woo-woo, entities from another plane of existence here. I’m talking about that metaphorical idea of the dark thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that reside in us all to one degree or another.

Our “demons” can come to be from a variety of ways. Trauma of one form or another is what comes first to my mind. Violence, assault, that sort of thing. Those “demons” can become that voice, or voices inside our heads that are our inner critics. Those voices that hold us back in fear and doubt. Those voices that tell you that you can’t, and that you shouldn’t and that you’ll never be good enough.

Here’s the thing though:

What if those “demons” aren’t necessarily a bad thing? What if all “they” are is your own body and mind’s way of trying to protect you from the unknown or from repeated exposure to something? What if you “harnessed” them and put them to good use?

Awhile back I had a “chat” with my “demons.” Instead of assuming that they were bad and out to cause me harm, I just genuinely observed them, what they were, and what they were trying to tell me. I realized that they came from a place of good intention and that they were either trying to protect me or that they were trying to galvanize me into doing something else instead of continuing down the road that I was walking.

What if you shifted your perspective about your own personal demons? What are they actually trying to tell you? What place of comfort are they trying to move you from? What sort of action are they trying to get you to take?

I tend to view my demons as drill instructors from boot camp giving me a swift kick in the ass to get me up and over that obstacle in front of me. They are not my enemies or obstacles themselves, they are my allies and friends. They aren’t here to hinder me or slow me down, they are here to push me, to make me uncomfortable so that I’ll grow.

What if instead of viewing your demons as a hindrance and using them as some sort of excuse to play the victim, what if you allied yourself to them and actually gave them an ear to their counsel to hear what they are really trying to tell you? Do they serve you? Or do you serve them? You have a choice in this matter. You always have and you always will.

Maybe they are trying to make you stronger. Maybe they are telling you that it’s okay to play the villain. Maybe they are telling you that sometimes, people have to burn. Maybe they are telling you that sometimes, you have to burn the village in order to save it.

And what’s wrong with a little cleansing fire? Fire isn’t a bad thing, it just is. Sure it can be destructive, but it also eliminates the old, the decaying, and the decrepit so that something new can rise from the ashes.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.

Beautiful Mess

August 21, 2019August 19, 2019 Rob Says1 Comment

multicolored smoke

Here we are again, you and I. Which means I’m writing and you’re reading. I’ve spoken at some length about morality and my own take on it. Jack Napier and I talked about it too, on one of our Red Evenings.

I realize now what it is about so-called morality that really bugs me. It isn’t that your morality is different from mine. As far as I’m concerned, to each their own. You do your thing, just let me do mine. You don’t have to agree with how I choose to live my life, you don’t have to like it, and you don’t really even have to accept it. But please, don’t try and shove or enforce your morality upon me. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

I grew up in a home where my Mother was a master at guilt and shame. When I was little and needed discipline, she tried spanking initially. Apparently that didn’t go over too well with me. As she once told me, “I put you over my knee, spanked you, you cried, and then you gave me a look that basically said, ‘C’mon, do it again, give me another.'” I guess I had a look of defiance in my eyes. I don’t remember this incident, so maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t. I’ll just take her word that it did.

She then moved on from spanking to “time out” or “grounding.” Those I remember. Not really a punishment in my book, as being told to “go to your room,” wasn’t a bad thing. That’s where all my stuff was and in all honesty, it’s where I preferred being for the most part. Oh, she realized fairly quick that sending me to my room wasn’t the punishment that she thought it was, and so she would take things away so that I could utilize or interact with them. Still wasn’t a big deal to me. Having a strong and powerful imagination does wonders. I could literally sit and stare at a wall and entertain myself. Still can to this day if I so desire.

On a side note: on a few of the occasions that I was grounded, like during the summer, and I wanted to go outside, but wasn’t supposed to, all I had to do was “help” Mom around the house. A few “accidents” where plates and glassware ended up broken while doing the dishes, or getting under foot while she was vacuuming or dusting, and she would get exasperated with me and tell me to go outside. Think brier rabbit and the brier patch.

But sure enough, she found my Achille’s heel. Enter guilt and shame. All she would have to do is say something like, “Look what you did. You hurt Mommy really bad when you did that.” It was all over from there. A couple of tears from her, a few well placed words and I was done for.

And that shit went on for years. She got so good at it, it became second nature to her. I don’t think she was even aware that she was doing it after awhile. I don’t hold it against her, well, not much at least. It was one of the major reasons that I minimized my exposure to her as I got older and got on with my life. I didn’t want or need to hear that shit anymore.

My tolerance for guilt and shame is at an all time low these days. I barely tolerated it from my own Mother, and at least my Dad doesn’t pull that shit with me. I barely tolerated it from my own blood, why in the hell would I even dream of tolerating it from someone not even related to me? Why would I even consider it for one second of one moment from a complete stranger?

Feminists and white knights do this tactic all the time on Men. I’ve seen it so often that it doesn’t even faze me anymore. It’s expected. It’s what they do. I just shake my head, roll my eyes, laugh, ignore, and move on. But when it comes from people who claim to be “on your side,” that’s when I take issue.

I used to be very liberal when I was younger, hell, once upon a time, I considered myself a Democrat and voted that way for the most part. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself a lot more moderate, and even conservative in many of my views. Not necessarily a full on Republican, but definitely more Libertarian in my political views.

It’s the Traditional Conservatives that I seem to have a love-hate relationship with these days, and it’s because they dress like me, talk like me, act like me, and have very similar views as me. And then they start with the guilt and shame. They are no better than the feminists that they claim to despise. In fact, they are just the other side of the same coin. Same tactics, guilt, and shame. They just tend to dress better, tend to look better, and tend to be healthier in their weight and diet. Otherwise, there is not much difference between them and the feminists. Just better looking women is all.

If you are using guilt and shame, especially when it comes to what I do in the privacy of my own home and bedroom, you have the problem, not me. What I do behind closed doors is none of your business.

Trying to whitewash sexuality isn’t going to work bud. Trying to sanitize and diminish the sexual libido will only intensify it. While you wail that “PUA’s” and “men of low repute” are “spoiling your women” for you, understand this:

Your women are just women. Nothing more and nothing less. They are human beings full of desires and emotions. Trying to control that through guilt and shame, for them and for other men, is just going to backfire and blow up in your face eventually. All they are going to do is take those desires and hide them from you. Then they will find someone like me, who will accept their desires as normal and natural, and I will listen to them. I won’t judge them for what they yearn for. All I will do is accept it for what it is, and then become the invitation for them to act on those desires if they so choose.

I don’t know how someone cannot or will not appreciate an earthy, lusty woman. Someone who is fully embracing her sexuality and her desires and has no fear of showing them. All of the women I meet show me this side of them, eventually. Definitely sooner rather than later, and I love that about them. And no, these aren’t the “empowered, multicolored hair, don’t shave the pits, but shaves the side of the head, with a million piercings and tats” women. These are the girls next door. These are the so-called “sunhat gods.” These are the women who dress modestly, at least for you. These are the “fresh as a summer breeze, smells nice, and sits in a pew on Sunday,” women. These are the women that you want to “wife up.” These are the women that you wait six months before having sex with. These are the women that you marry.

All Women Are Like That. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A guy I follow on Twitter, @gospodin_rey, summed it up beautifully:

While you joke about degeneracy, the wild animal soul inside each one of us yearns to break out of the cage we put it in. And our giving permission to women and the world around us, to live true to the animal soul, is addictive and beautiful, key to the human experience.

But once you let the animal out, it is by definition… wild. And most people aren’t built for the jungle. We’re all trying to figure this crazy world out. We’re in a jungle whether we like it or not.

We are a sweaty, smelly, emotional, hormonal, lusty, angry, cranky, beautiful mess. Ignore and deny this at your own peril. Downplay it to your own dissatisfaction. Accept this for what it is and work with it, or perish on your platitudes. The choice is yours.

Welcome to the Jungle.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.