Category: Uncategorized

I Was Born In The Wrong Decade

Rob Says6 Comments

 

amplifier analogue audio board

1987. That was the year that I first started learning how to play guitar. I remember borrowing my uncle’s cheap acoustic that would never stay in tune for long, because it had a warped neck. I graduated from that to my first electric guitar about a year later. I can’t even remember the name of that guitar now.

It was some sort of Fender knock off though and between the guitar, the amplifier, the handful of guitar picks, the case, and the cord from guitar to amp, I think I spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $250 to $300 dollars total. It wasn’t a great sounding guitar, but compared to the crappy acoustic that I had been playing for the last year, it was a dream.

Fast-forward to 1989. My father had heard me playing this knock-off guitar and he knew that I wanted something “bigger and better.” I was listening to a ton of heavy metal because that was the music that I grew up with and that was what was popular at the time. Guys like Blackie Lawless from Wasp, Paul Stanley from Kiss, and of course, Metallica, were the guys that I idolized. I wanted something like what they played. I had my sights fixed on a B.C. Rich Warlock. Not one of the knock-off ones either, but an actual genuine B.C. Rich.

1989 was that year. My father took me to a local music shop and he bought me that B.C. Rich Warlock, and a Peavey amplifier to go with it.

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My Guitar

It played like a dream and it sounded so much better than that cheap Fender knock-off. Now I could really play music, now I could really get the sound that I was looking for.

Why did I play music? Because I loved and still love music. And to get the girls of course. Chicks dig musicians and music.

Back in the late 80’s and early to mid-90’s, when it came to recording music, everything was analog, which meant you recorded everything on tape. Whether reel-to-reel, or on a cassette tape, everything was done physically. I always wanted to get a track recorder, a 4-track specifically, and convert one of the rooms in my parent’s house into a studio. Making minimum wage back then, at $3.35 an hour made a $400 dollar 4-track recorder pretty much prohibitive. Never mind a mixing board and/or a larger track recorder.

The track recorder was a dream and life went on. College came and went and the guitar ended up in storage. Dreams and priorities change as life goes on.

2020. I haven’t picked up that B.C. Rich guitar in many years, and I honestly don’t know if I’m going to pick it up again or not. But I still desire to make music, it still runs in my veins. Nowadays you can buy a drum machine MIDI controller for $150 dollars. Ask me how I know. You can also purchase software that is literally a complete studio, that you can run on your laptop for $60 bucks. Again, ask me how I know.

What would have cost me thousands of dollars and dedicated an entire room of my house now costs about $250 after tax. I’m blown away. If only I had this technology when I was 18 and had a band. I could have made an album or two or ten.

But I still can.

While I may have “been born in the wrong decade,” I realize that I really haven’t. Now is the time. I may have a learning curve to go through again, it may take me some time, but I am going to create music once again. I’m going to make songs, whether short, sweet, and silly, or some sort of deep, dark, epic poetry of sound. I’m going to create music once again. I have to. I don’t have a choice in this matter, not really. I’ll drive myself insane if I don’t do this.

Now it’s not so much about getting chicks as it is about the creation of the music itself. As I’ve said in the past, and to anyone that cares to listen to me in person, my whole life is a soundtrack. Whatever events happen, there’s a song or two to accompany it. More often than not, those songs are songs that someone else created. Every now and then though, it’s a song that has never seen the light of day. Every now and then it’s a song that resides only in my head and it is screaming to be let out into the world.

It’s time to do that. Who knows? Maybe there’s an album or two or ten in there somewhere.

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Asceticism

Rob Says1 Comment

2020-09-05 (2)

The definition of asceticism according to Webster:

Definition of asceticism

1: the practice of strict self-denial as a measure of personal and especially spiritual discipline : the condition, practice, or mode of life of an ascetic : rigorous abstention from self-indulgence
//Sacrifice, renunciation, asceticism, fasting, returning again to God … : these are inclinations fueled as much by instinct as by religious idealism.— Joyce Carol Oates

 

A lot of guys are making the argument for asceticism recently. Whether it be “abstaining” from sex and/or masturbation, abstaining from alcohol and/or drugs, abstaining from different types of foods, or a myriad of other off-the-wall ideas, the concept of not doing is becoming popular again.

I’m not going to take issue with anyone if you are choosing to not drink or drug. Maybe you’ve gone that route and found out how easy it was for you to get hooked on a substance or two. Maybe the substance became too much for you and it became self-destructive, I don’t know.

Trying to toot your own horn and making it a lifestyle is a bit much to me though. “Look at me! I’m not having sex! I’m not drinking! I’m not eating (insert whatever it is here.) To me it looks like a participation trophy. “I get an award for not beating off.”

You want to not jerk off? That’s fine by me, go and not jerk off. You don’t need to announce it to the world. Whoopity-do.

The problem for me, besides the whole participation trophy thing, is the fact that almost inevitably, the religious card shows up in the program.

“I don’t jerk off anymore and I can show you how you too can give up touching your penis. Here’s my course and my book, sign up now! Oh, and did you know about our Lord and Savior (insert religious figure here)?”

I find asceticism to be absurd honestly. Life is short and there is so much to see, to do, and to experience, and you’ll never get to or through it all by the time you die. I can’t understand why you would willingly choose to abstain from all of what life has to offer.

Before someone brings it up in the comments, yes, I’m aware that not all people who abstain are doing it out of choice. Some people aren’t doing this voluntarily (incel). You know what though? If you put in the work, it won’t be involuntary anymore.

I think that choosing asceticism is coming from a lack of experience with life, but that’s just my take.

Throughout my life I’ve learned a lot of things about myself and about women in particular. Here are some of the things, both good and bad that I have learned:

Women are okay with one-night stands, sometimes it’s all they want.

Women are open about their sexuality as long as you don’t judge them for it.

Women don’t care about your “notch count” nearly as much as you care about theirs.

Women in general want a man with experience, they don’t want to train you. You either get it, or you don’t. Guys who don’t get it don’t get another shot.

Younger women like older men. This one may seem like a “duh” thing, but it was one that I had to experience first-hand to truly comprehend it and appreciate it. Guys have been so thoroughly conditioned and brain-washed to believe that you should stick to your own age group that the thought of being with someone who is much younger than you isn’t even a consideration.

I’ve learned that love doesn’t pay the bills. I’ve been with a couple of women that thought that loving me and having sex with me was enough. It’s not. What else are you bringing to the table besides sex and love? Can you contribute something more tangible or not?

Women will usually go along with whatever you want to do. Keep or make it fun and entertaining and the sky is the limit. This is one that I’m still learning about. I have yet to find something where the women in my life have had a hard “no” to, unless it is maybe something that is completely criminal. Even then… I’m still pushing that boundary to see where that one ends.

I’ve learned that being the “side guy” is oftentimes better than being the “main guy.” Love it or hate it, I’ve been the side guy who enjoyed the benefits of that relationship without the bullshit that the main guy gets to deal with. I’ve also learned that women can be incredibly brutal towards their main guy. The things I’ve heard women say about their main guy is sometimes astonishing.

You can date a woman, be totally honest with her about the relationship not working out for you, end that relationship, and still be friends with benefits for years afterwards. If and when that particular set up no longer works for her, she will end it, usually without a lot of drama or fanfare.

She usually wants sex harder and rougher than you could imagine. Don’t worry, you won’t “break” her. She’s tougher and more resilient than you know. If you get too rough somehow, she’ll let you know.

The more experience you get, the more you realize that “all women are really like that.” That’s not a negative or a bad thing, it just is. It has actually given me a better understanding of myself and what I like and want, and it has given me a better understanding of the women that show up in my life, and the things that they want and desire. It’s definitely made it easier to communicate those things as well.

For me, choosing or following a path of asceticism or abstinence is following a path of either naivety or willful ignorance. Life is far too beautiful, too lush, too brilliant, and too robust to choose not to know.

To me, asceticism is choosing to suffer. We all suffer to one degree or another. Life is like that, it’s just that way. To choose suffering over pleasure is the ultimate form of masochism to me and I honestly have a hard time wrapping my head around that one, because here’s a “truth” for you:

No one gives a shit about your struggles except you. No one cares about your suffering except you.

So why struggle and suffer unnecessarily and for no reason other than to say that you struggle and suffer? Nobody gives a shit, and you won’t be a martyr for it. You’ll be forgotten an hour after your funeral because life goes on. Might as well enjoy your life and experience as much of it as possible.

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Trust

Rob Says2 Comments

adult affection bed closeness

Trust. What is it? According to Webster, trust is:

a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed

We as Men want to trust. We want to trust that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. We want to know that if someone says they will do something, they will do it. We want to know that if we say something to you in confidence, that you will keep your mouth shut and not repeat it.

We want to trust.

As I have gone on through my life, I’ve realized one thing:

I can trust that you will do what is in your best interest. I can trust that you will do what works best for you. Whatever that is, may not in fact be in my best interest. If I confide in you, will you repeat what I said to you, to someone else? Will you use it against me?

Your previous actions and behaviors will show me the way.

But what if I don’t know you or your previous actions and behaviors? What if I don’t know what you will do? Better to keep whatever it is to myself. And even if your previous actions and behaviors say that I can confide in you on a great many things, can I confide in you with “this?” (Insert whatever here.)

One of the conundrums that we as Men face is the limitations and abilities to trust the women that show up in our lives. We want them to be “Ride or Die Bitches,” and I truly believe that women mean well when they say that they are that for us.

It’s another thing entirely when you actually go to your woman and tell her that you need her to create an alibi for you. It’s one thing to talk about hiding the bodies and it’s another thing entirely when you actually have to go and hide the bodies.

Being able to honestly trust a man is a fucking superpower. – Rian Stone

The above quote got me to thinking and this is why I’m writing this post. I believe that we as Men are looking for people that we can honestly trust. People that we can pretty much tell them whatever is on our minds, or what we have done, and that they will keep what we said or did quiet. Minimal to no judgement. No real fear of consequences whether it be a loss of friendship or being turned into authorities or having other people we value knowing what it is that we said or did.

There lies the quandary. Most people, women included, can’t keep their mouths shut. I’m finding throughout my life that most men are that way as well, they can’t keep their mouths shut either.

Rian calls it “Mess Culture.” It’s a military thing apparently. I say this because I have never been in the military, so I’m only able to speculate. From what I gather, “Mess Culture” takes place in the mess hall, where guys sit down to eat, and whatever bullshit happens there, it’s handled there, and it stays there. It doesn’t go outside the mess hall. It doesn’t get reported up the chain of command. It doesn’t go out on to the battlefield or on to the patrol ground. It doesn’t get carried forward.

I think a lot of guys today are looking for “Mess Culture” in their girlfriends, women in general, and their wives. I would like to believe that it may be possible to find that “Mess Culture” or that “Ride or Die” in a particular woman, but in over 40 years I haven’t encountered her yet. Maybe she is out there and maybe I just haven’t encountered her, but I haven’t met a woman yet that I would truly trust enough to help me bury a body if that circumstance ever presented itself.

To be honest, with maybe an exception of one or two Men in my life, I haven’t encountered a Man that I would be comfortable enough and willing to trust enough to help me bury a body. Their are very few Men that I would actually trust with my life on the line. One of those few Men would happen to be my Father in case you were wondering. I think that level of trust comes through not only in consistent behavior, but in time. The guys I trust the most, I’ve known for years.

That’s the conundrum that I think we as Men are encountering. We want to trust. We want to trust each other as Men. We want to trust our women. We want to trust that all parties involved will help us out if needed and that they will keep their fucking mouths shut.

All we can really do though is trust that they will act in their best self interests. Know this and act accordingly. Know that people are going to do whatever it is that they think is in their best interests.

Know that for the most part, that whatever it is that you want to share, whatever it is that you want to divulge, will end up being said to others. Are you willing and able to deal with that fallout when that time comes? Will you be able to recover from it when it happens? Will it affect you adversely if and when whatever it is comes to the light of day?

If you can’t deal with the fallout or it will affect you too adversely if it ever came to light, it may be better to keep your mouth shut and live with it, whatever it is.

Sometimes there are things that you will need to take to the grave. Accept that.

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