Religion

Whatever religion you follow, whatever you believe in or align with, stop and ask yourself this:

Do you believe in it because it’s what you actually know? Or is it because it’s what you were told was so? What was “right?” What was “correct?”

Whatever particular belief, especially when it comes to religion, was most likely something that your parents and your society and culture put into you. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, but do you believe in it because it actually works for you? Or do you believe in it because it’s “just something you’ve always done?”

Have you given it more than a cursory thought? Or is it, “this is just the way it is?”

I started out as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or a Mormon. I didn’t “choose” this particular religion, it was chosen for me. It was chosen for me because my parents were both (not very active) members of the Church. It was chosen for me because I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah which is the “capital” for the LDS Church. It was chosen for me because that was what the majority of the people that I lived with, grew up with, and interacted with, believed in. When in Rome…

Chances are, if you grew up in the United States, or in the West in general, you are probably some flavor of Christian. Same can be said for being a Muslim in the Middle East.

If your faith, whatever it is, works for you, then that is fantastic. Honestly I don’t care what you believe in, or if you believe in anything at all. I’m not here to judge what you believe in or to “convert” you to something else.

I am asking you though, is what you believe in something that works for you? Is it something that you came about via your own judgement, your own informed choice and consent? Or is it something you struggle with and it was something that was “handed down” to you from your family, your society, and your culture? Is it actually what you believe in?

My religious beliefs were handed down to me via my parents and society. It caused me a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering because I couldn’t reconcile what I was being told was true with what I was seeing with my own eyes. The answer that I would invariably get to my questions was “You just have to have faith.” And that wasn’t good enough for me.

When I stepped away from religion, it wasn’t a “clean break.” It was something that I had to do in “stages.” That too, caused me a lot of grief and pain. It wasn’t until I made a clean break with religion, in all of its forms, that I was able to find peace and contentment, and even joy in my life. That was the choice that I made a long time ago and I’ve never looked back since.

My life is full of strife, conflict, worry, and doubt, just like anyone else’s. Taking religion out of the equation has made my life better for me in the long run. Like I said, I have no regrets, except that I wish I had made the clean break sooner rather than later.

Find whatever it is that works for you and choose that. If it doesn’t, discard it and move on to something else. My only suggestion would be is that if whatever it is isn’t working, stop trying to make it work and make a clean break from it and start anew.

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Groundhog Day: 2020 v2.0 Edition: The Year of LARP HARDER.

fluffy wild woodchuck gnawing nuts sitting on grass

It’s still a little early to be making predictions of any kind really, but I’m deciding to go ahead and do it anyway.

I’m not making predictions about our election, there’s plenty of assholes across the spectrum that are more than happy to do that for you. Opinions, and that’s all they are at this point, are like assholes, everyone has one. And boy, do they.

I’m making predictions for 2021.

2021 will be 2020 all over again. So let’s just call 2021, 2020 version 2.0

There will be:

More of the same.

More division.

More politics whether we like it or not.

Christ, people haven’t been able to shut up about politics since the last election, I don’t see them stopping now or any time soon for that matter. Guys, seriously. Get a fucking life. If politics is all you got, and for some of you, that is all I see from you, you really need to get a life. You need to get outside, whether you wear a face diaper or not. Get the fuck outside. Go and get laid. Even if you have to pay for it. Go and have an orgasm. Hell, have a bunch. Maybe it will help and make you more tolerable and less insufferable. I highly doubt it, but at least it’s something.

Lockdowns. I’m hoping they don’t happen again, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised if they do. We have become a people who are scared of our own shadows. We are jumping out of our skins over sounds and things that go bump in the night. We have become a nation of pussies. It didn’t happen overnight and it’s not going to go away overnight either, no matter what the “patriots” tell you.

Which brings me to my next prediction, which is the one that I hate the absolute most:

More LARPing.

2021, or 2020 version 2.0 will be the year of LARP HARDER.

More virtue signaling. More grandstanding. More white knighting. More Karen’s Karening. More outrage. More ridiculous theories about satanic cults, the illuminati, and let’s not forget the lizard people, who are secretly controlling everything. More shaming and guilt tactics. More calls from women and men telling the men to “man up” and save the West from itself. More, more, MOAR.

In the past when I saw some guy virtue signaling on the internet I would respond in kind with something like, “I hope she sees this, bro.” Or, “she still won’t fuck you.” 2020 version 2.0, I’m just going to respond with LARP HARDER.

Something tells me I’m going to be saying that a lot. It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it, might as well be me.

On a more positive note, I see more of the “pick up” guys getting better with their game and getting laid more often. I look forward to hearing and reading those stories. I don’t necessarily see new faces and names joining that circle though. No, no new faces. Those guys will be too busy bitching and LARPing instead of actually doing something different. Why do something else? Doing the work is actually hard and scary sometimes. Better to LARP and feel important than actually do something tangible and worthwhile. It’s easier to bitch about women than it is to actually go out and talk to one, so might as well do that instead.

Spoiler alert: You come to me bitching about the “wahmen?” My response is going to be: LARP HARDER. Yeah, I’m definitely going to be using that phrase a lot this upcoming year.

I’ve done a fairly decent job in muting accounts and words and phrases on Twatter. I know there is going to be a bunch of new words and phrases that I’m going to be permanently muting there in the near future. The world may indeed be going to hell, and not because of politics, but because of the LARPing, but at least I can have some peace and quiet and some peace of mind when I get on to social media.

So guys, go put on your face diapers, continue to talk about your favorite presidential candidate as if they are somebody who is actually going to save your ass, continue blaming and shaming men and women for everything that isn’t how you like it, continue to sit on your ass expecting someone, anyone else, to do the work, and continue to LARP HARDER.

I’ll be doing what I’ve always done. I’ll continue making friends where I can find them, I’ll continue chasing skirt, and I’ll continue with all of my different shows and projects.

And that’s because life goes on.

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Little Red

mohawk haan crows close up

Sit down everybody and listen closely, for I have a story to tell. You all know about things that go bump in the night, the mystical and mysterious creatures of legend. You all know about werewolves, witches, and vampires. You’ve all heard about The Jersey Devil and El Chupacabra, but how many of you know about Little Red?…

My name is Rob and I’m documenting what I know about Little Red on my voice-recorder. Why am I speaking into this machine instead of writing this down? Let’s just say that it’s easier to speak it than it is to write it down.

This all happened a few years ago when I lived in an apartment complex called “The Redwood.” The Redwood was, well, I’m not going to mince words, the Redwood was a shithole plain and simple. It was an apartment complex in the “bad part of town,” and it of course had its share of less than desirable people.

There was Paula from 2263 who I found out was only a few years older than me, but if you were to look at her, you would think that she was in her late 60’s or early 70’s. A lifetime of bad decisions from drinking daily to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day will do that to you. She had dingy, stringy black hair that was the worst dye job that you had ever seen on a woman. If Marilyn Manson had been a woman, this is what he would look like.

There was Linda from 2060 who had a string of failed marriages and had also made a bunch of bad decisions throughout her life and she ended up at The Redwood as well. I could always hear her coming while I was out and about in the complex because she had a bluetooth speaker that she wore attached to her belt loop and she would play the pop music that the Zoomers today find popular. Linda had short blonde hair and at first glance she looked sort of like a Q-Tip with her hairdo. She loved her whiskey, her weed, and her Lortabs though.

And then there was “The Troll.” I say that because I don’t even want to know her name. All I know is that she lives across from me in 2166. The first thing that I see when I go to leave for work is the Troll sitting out on her balcony every morning or every evening, depending on my work schedule. The Troll would sit out on her balcony and she would be blasting whatever horrible music that it was that she liked to listen to and usually she would be drinking and screaming at Jeff, her boyfriend. She would be so loud sometimes that her voice would carry over the entire complex. How else would I know that she hadn’t been properly laid in months and that she had chronic pain from an injury that she received in a car accident?

I remember the first time that I had any interaction with the Troll and it was one of the many times that she was screaming at Jeff about whatever. It was early August and I had the window to my apartment open, hoping to catch a little breeze to cool me off. The cheap, tiny air conditioner unit that was stuck in my window was dead. Again. And my apartment was an oven. I stared out the window at the Troll who happened to look in my direction at the same time. She screeched at me, “Mind your own fucking business!” Normally, that’s exactly what I do, but it was a hot afternoon and I had had enough and so I yelled back at her, “That’s what I’m trying to do, except you’re making your shit my fucking business! Go inside!” And it was “on” from there.

My war with the Troll never really escalated beyond sneers from her and smiles and waves from me and although she never tried to hide the fact that she didn’t like me, I just acted all the more nicer just to piss her off. It worked. Her daily yelling and screaming became so normal and so tiring that one day I couldn’t stand it anymore and so I turned her in to the apartment management and to my surprise, they actually did something about it for once. They called the cops on her.

While the police had corralled the Troll in her apartment with Jeff, I was standing out in the courtyard, having a cigarette. That’s when I first met Linda and Paula that I mentioned earlier. They were giggling like a couple of schoolgirls and I could smell the weed and the booze on them. It wafted and exuded out of their pores like a toxic fog.

Even though it was building management that had called the cops on the Troll, everybody in the complex just assumed it was me that did it. In a roundabout way, I guess they were right.

So there I was, having a cigarette and trying to cool off and relax when Linda and Paula came over to talk to me. Like I said earlier, both of them ended up at The Redwood due to poor life choices. Now that I think about it, what does that say about me? Nevermind. While I was standing there, listening to these two drunk, stoned women prattle on about the comings and goings in the complex, I noticed a young couple with a young child and a very large dog, walking through the complex. The dog’s name was “Bee.” I have no idea what it stands for or if it’s a shortened version of something else, I just know that I’ve heard the guy when he calls for the dog, he calls it “Bee.”

Paula noticed me looking at the couple and the dog, and she said, “Lots of pets in this complex. You got Bee over there, a mangy, yellow tabby cat named Rufus from 1839 that runs around here, pissing on everything like he owns it, and somewhere around here, there’s a three legged, one earred, half blind mongrel named Lucky. He looks good compared to his owner.”

“Sure are a lot of animals around here,” I agreed noncommittally. “I’m still waiting to wake up and see deer in the common area.”

“Oh for sure!” Linda cackled. “It’s only a matter of time before they come in.”

“Hey have you seen the chicken?” Paula butted in.

“Chicken?” I asked.

“Lord yes! There’s a chicken that hangs around here!” Linda piped up before Paula could get the chance to continue.

I started wondering about this chicken and where it was and where it had come from. I guess I got so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that Linda and Paula had started fighting with each other. All I know is that I had to jump in the middle of these two older ladies and pull them off of each other. Both of them had small clumps of each other’s hair in their hands.

I told them both goodnight and went back to my apartment, I don’t have time for that kind of bullshit and I don’t want any part of it. Besides, the police were still there dealing with Jeff and the Troll and the last thing that I needed was them turning their attention towards us.

I woke up early the next morning since I was on the morning shift at my job that day and when I went outside to go and get into my car, that’s when I saw it for the first time.

The chicken.

I didn’t know what to expect when I saw it, but it was somewhat disappointing. I guess I was hoping for a big, red rooster. This bird was a little, brownish colored hen. She was sitting on the landing of my building, next to my neighbor’s door. She had been sitting there, roosting from last night if I had to guess, and if she hadn’t stood up, done that head bobbing thing that chickens do, and flapped her wings, I would have stepped on her. That’s how close she had been to me.

I stopped and slowly backed up and went back inside my apartment. I had some bread in the fridge that I wanted to feed to her because to me, she looked hungry. I came back out and she was still there. I pulled pieces and chunks from the couple of slices of bread that I had and threw them towards her. She initially flapped and kind of ran away from them, but when she realized what they were, she came back and began pecking at them and eating them. I finished throwing the pieces of bread towards her and then I left and went to work.

If she was still around later when I got back, I would feed her some birdseed, I thought. If she’s still around when I get back, I’m going to give her a name. I’m going to call her, Little Red.

When I got home from work that afternoon, Little Red was down by the dog run. Pecking around, looking for worms I imagine. I tore open the bag of birdseed that I had picked up after I got off work and threw a couple of handfuls towards her. She immediately darted towards where I threw the seed and began pecking away.

I felt so happy that she was eating my birdseed and I knew that I was doing a good and kind thing. I kept sprinkling out little handfuls of seed and was working my way closer to her, I wanted to see if I could actually touch her.

So there I was, sprinkling and moving ever closer, and Little Red, the now unofficial mascot of The Redwood, was pecking and clucking at the seed. I finally ended up right next to her and I slowly leaned down and touched her.

She was soft and sort of silky and she didn’t seem the least bit scared of me. In fact, she cocked her head to the side and looked at me quizzically, as if trying to decide something. She made a couple of clucks and pecked at the ground while I had visions and fantasies of this chicken being the mascot and sort of “pet” for the apartment complex. Paula and Linda would “ooh and ahh” over my taming of the bird, and everybody would come around and want to see and pet my new friend.

I was talking softly to Little Red about this, about her status as the mascot for The Redwood and how everybody would want to pet her and feed her and how everybody would go looking for her after that day, telling each other and anybody who would listen about her, when it happened.

Although it’s been several years since it happened, I can see it in my mind’s eye plain as day as if it had happened yesterday.

I was talking to Little Red about all of these wonderful things that were going to happen for her here at The Redwood, when she cocked her head as if listening to me, and maybe she actually was, and then she opened her beak, clucked once, and then she flapped her wings and attacked me.

I was so startled by her change of behavior and demeanor that she totally caught me off-guard. I was too slow and had my hands full with birdseed in one and the bag of seed in the other that I wasn’t able to fend her off or defend myself.

The pain of her talons scratching my face was excruciating and when she went for my eyes, it was as if someone had poked me with a white-hot poker. I saw blazing white and felt warm liquid running down my face and I remember screaming and beating about my head, trying to get Little Red off of me, and that’s when everything went dark.

I woke up later in the hospital and to my shock and horror, everything was black. No hint of grey, no blurry images or smeared colors, but complete and absolute black.

I told you at the beginning that I was documenting this on my voice recorder because it was easier to say it than it was to write it down, and that’s because Little Red scratched both of my eyes out.

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