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There Is No Remedy For Love, But To Love More

Rob SaysLeave a comment

There is no remedy for love but to love more – Henry David Thoreau

I follow a handful of blogs and guys on Twitter, and ThomasCrownPua on Twitter posted a great article.

Thomas Crown was doing a Q & A for some of his guys and someone asked, “Should women be a priority in your life?” To which he said, “women will always be your priority.“

It’s why we do anything.

Thomas Crown goes on and talks about hormones, your “mission,” (which is a fucking laugh, by the way) and other stuff. In many ways, he said things that I have already talked about, but he said it better. Go check out his post, you won’t regret it.

I quoted Henry David Thoreau at the beginning of this post. I found that quote in a book called “Drink, Play, Fuck” by Andrew Gottlieb. The book has been around for a moment, the copyright goes back to 2009.

Ah, 2009. That was the year that I got married. It’s funny what words or images will evoke when you look at them. Anyways, enough strolling down memory lane, that’s not what you are here for. You’re here for the “nuggets.”

So I started “Drink, Play, Fuck” on Sunday morning and finished it Sunday night. It’s an easy, light, entertaining read. The author mentioned going to Ireland, Vegas, and Thailand over the course of a year after his marriage of 8 years came to an abrupt end and his wife wasn’t “haaappy” and left him to go live with “David,” a guy that she was banging.

The author’s character started off drinking in Ireland for 4 months, went and gambled and golfed for 4 months in Vegas, and ended up in Thailand for the sex for the final 4 months. I’m not going to spoil it for you, and I would have made different choices than the author made, but that’s what life is all about.

That quote from Thoreau got to me though:

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.“

Get out of your heads and into your bodies and just “feel it.” He’s not wrong.

Every time I meet a new woman, I feel it. Every time things go great or they go south, or nowhere, I feel it. It can suck the big one, sometimes. But that’s the price of admission. I’ve talked to guys in the recent past and they say things like, “It’s all so tiresome.” Or “it’s a slog,” or “a grind.” And yes, it most certainly can be.

You meet a new woman, you chat, you text, you talk on the phone, you go out and have a drink or three, and maybe there’s some chemistry there, some spark. Maybe there isn’t. Maybe you take her home and fuck the shit out of her. Maybe you go home alone. Maybe you think to yourselves, “it’s just not worth it.”

I go through that sometimes too. There are times that I think, “I can’t stand another first meet. I can’t stand going out again.” And then I do it anyway.

Why?

Because the only remedy for love is more love. Going out and grinding or matching with yet another woman is better than sitting in my house, talking about my “mission,” and practicing semen retention.

There is no remedy for love but to love more, is:

You feel the pain of someone breaking it off with you. You feel the pain and disappointment of someone that you thought you had a connection with, ghosting you. And you smile and go out and do it again. You don’t hold the sins of the woman from the past against the women of the present and the future.

There is no remedy for love but to love more.

While it can suck and it can hurt, right to your very core, you carry on. My heart has been broken so many times that I have lost count. And yet, here I am. I’m still alive. My heart continues to beat. I still want and desire the company of women. I still lust for them, I still desire them. And yes, I still love them. Even and especially when it hurts. What is the alternative? There is no alternative for me.

Instead of closing myself down, shutting the women out, I open myself to even more. More pain, more disappointment, more heartache.

Do you know what has happened?

It doesn’t hurt as much as it did the last time. It still hurts, but not as much. It shows me how “tough” and resilient I am. And it allows me to love them even more. And so I do.

I was sitting at the belly dancer’s house on Easter Sunday when my Venezuelan girl sent me a wall of text. In short, she wanted to end things. My belly dancer and I have a unique relationship in many ways. She knows I see other women and I know that she sees other men. She saw that I was distracted when I looked at my phone. She asked me what was going on. I told her that it was over between the Venezuelan woman and me. She wanted to comfort me and she told me that she was sorry. I told her that I knew that it was over several days ago and it didn’t come as a surprise. The only surprise was that the Venezuelan girl decided to tell me it was over instead of just ghosting me, which is usually how it goes.

There is no remedy for love but to love more. I know without a doubt that I can and do love more than one woman at a time. Each one brings something different to my life and my experiences. There’s no one woman that can be “everything” for me.

Some women like to camp and hike. I like to camp and hike, so I do that with them. Some like live theater, concerts, and being in large crowds. I like live theater, concerts, and being in large crowds, so I do that with them. Some like to drink and alter their states of consciousness. I like to drink and alter my state of consciousness, so I do that with them. Some like kink, and some don’t. I do kink with the one’s who like it, and I don’t with the one’s who don’t. Some like existential conversations about the meaning of life and why we are here. Some would rather talk about the latest gossip about the latest celebrity. And so I do both. And I love them all.

I wish I was a better writer and could convey my thoughts, feelings, and emotions better than I do. I really wish I could take “out of my head and body what goes on in there,” and just transfer it to you, Dear Reader. But I’m not that good at conveying it I fear. Somewhere the message falters or gets lost in the translation.

There is no remedy for love but to love more. The more you open yourself to it, the more you get in return. And while the hurt, disappointment, pain, and you name it, never go away entirely, it’s far better than shutting down, becoming a recluse, becoming numb.

The older I get, the more I realize that not only can I love more than one woman at a time, I also realize that I don’t want “peace,” whatever that means. I want experience. I want a ton of experience. I want more experience than I already have. And so I love. I love more.

Because that’s the only remedy for what ails me.

The “One Behind” Club

Rob Says2 Comments
Come on in, we got a seat waiting for ya.

Back in 1993, I worked for a school crew that poured urethane on gym floors for the district high schools and junior highs. It was a summer job for me, a way to earn money to go towards the next semester’s tuition. I was the only college kid on this crew of about 5. The rest were high school kids making some money to blow on booze or weed, or both. There was a supervisor over this crew of dipshits, and his name was Richard. Richard was about 35 at the time. He was dour, sour, scowled a whole bunch, called us dipshits and retards, and was a most unpleasant fellow to be around.

One day, right as we were about to take lunch in this sweltering gymnasium, I remember that I was talking with the high school retards, and we were talking about our favorite subject: Pussy.

I remember telling them something along the lines of how I turned down “some chick” because of reasons. I thought I was “smart” and that I was “cool.”

Now our supervisor, Richard, had already begun his lunch. He was eating a bologna sandwich and some chips and shit. He overheard our conversation and he stopped eating, looked up at us, looked me dead in the eye, and said, “Never turn down pussy.” He scowled and sneered as he said it.

“Why not?” I said.

“Because you’ll always be one behind.” And with that, Richard went back to scowling and eating his bologna sandwich.

At the time I was 21 and thought I knew it all. The truth was, I had no idea what Richard was talking about. It took me until I was about 35 to understand what he meant.

“You’ll always be one behind.“

I don’t regret the money I didn’t make, I don’t regret the jobs I didn’t take, and I don’t regret the places I haven’t visited. What I regret, what still haunts me to this very day, is the women that I didn’t bang because I was naive, stupid, or both.

I’m not talking about the women that I made a pass at and they told me in one form or another, “thank you, but no thank you.” I’m talking about the women, who in some cases, told me point-blank, that they wanted to fuck me. And stupid me, I didn’t get the message until it was much too late. Too late to take them up on their offer. Too late to say, “Let’s go.” Too late to have another chance because that chance was gone forever.

That’s what I regret.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dwell on it and I certainly don’t beat myself up over it, but it is my one and only regret. Like I said, I don’t regret the one’s that said no, I don’t regret lost job and money opportunities, and I don’t regret the places I haven’t been to. But I do regret not fucking those women when I had the chance.

I was talking with Swurv, Dante, Mish, Marty, and I think Jack Napier was still there too when “The One Behind Club” came up in our conversation. Don’t ask me how exactly it came up, but it did. All the guys had a gut, visceral reaction when I said it and what it was. All of them paused when I told them what Richard told me so long ago. All of them belong to The One Behind Club. It’s how Dante’s discord server got a name change.

I decided to write this post and hopefully you guys will see it and unfortunately, I’m sure far too many of you will relate to it. Far too many of you will be members of the One Behind Club. Can you “fix it?” No. If you passed up on a sure thing, a sure lay, you’re always going to be one behind. But learn from it. Don’t pass up on a good time again.

I have had a lot of sex with a lot of different women over the years and not one of them was “bad.” It’s like pizza. There’s no such thing as “bad pizza.” Just some better than others. Same with sex. I’ve never had a bad sexual experience, just some better than others.

You want to pass up a sure thing because of your morals, virtues, or something that someone else told you was “the way to go,” you will always be one behind. And trust me, you’ll think about it at some point, and you’ll regret it. Even if you never say it out loud to another human being, you’ll still regret it. You’ll always wonder. And it’s that wonder that becomes an itch that you can never quite reach, you can never scratch.

The Guilded Cage

Rob Says1 Comment

Jack Donovan wrote about the Empire of Nothing in his books, The Way of Men, Becoming A Barbarian, and A More Complete Beast. And indeed we live in the Empire of Nothing. We live in a guilded cage.

If you live in the West, you live in a guilded cage. Sorry, not sorry, but it’s true. Unless you want to “ex-patriate,” give up your citizenship, and basically never come back, you live in a guilded cage. The United States of America is one the countries that require you, as a U.S. citizen to pay your taxes to Uncle Sam, even if you live in another part of the world, earning a living in a different currency. Tell me again how “living abroad” is so freeing, bro.

The truth is, if you live in the West, you have always lived in a guilded cage, from the time that you were born.

Something financially came up for me recently and I’ll be able to pay off my mortgage. I will officially be a home owner. Except I won’t. Sure, the bank won’t be able to come after me, but the One True God, the State, still can.

If I don’t stay current on my property taxes, the State can come in and seize my home, my property. It’s been that way for as long as I have been alive.

You can “squat” on “public” property and get away with it for awhile. You might even be able to pull it off in private sectors as well, but in the end, the State can and will eventually show up with force, since it has the monopoly on violence, and it will remove you from that property. Let me know how that works out for you, bro.

And it’s been this way ever since I have been alive.

Welcome to the guilded cage.

Now I might sound a little bitter about this, and if I’m being completely honest, I am a little bitter. But there is nothing I can do about it except accept it. I truly don’t “own” my property, none of it really. Not even the vehicles and “toys” I have purchased over the years. If I want to continue driving my car and motorcycles without the State impounding them, I have to keep the registration on each of those vehicles current. Welcome to the guilded cage.

You were born in a guilded cage and if you stay here, at least in the West, you will die in a guilded cage. I honestly can’t imagine that it is any better in any other part of the world. Sure I might actually be able to own some dirt in a third world shithole somewhere, but I’m trading dirt for something else. It might be something like being able to criticize the government without fear of retribution from the government. I might be able to own a patch of dirt somewhere else in the world, where I could pass it down through the generations, but good luck in having plumbing and clean, drinkable water.

I find it amusing when people squabble online about “property rights and ownership.” You don’t own it and you never truly will. Property taxes. Keep that in mind. Don’t pay your taxes and tell me how that ultimately works out for you, bro.

With all of that being said, living in a guilded cage isn’t terrible. I have clean, drinkable water. Consistent electricity. I can run my mouth here online as long as I don’t call a bundle of sticks a bundle of sticks. Even then I can do that as long as I don’t target a specific person. I can’t really complain to be honest.

Like Jack Donovan said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “You live in the Empire of Nothing and there is nowhere to go. You can’t escape it. So carve out your life inside of it. Do what works for you and thrive from within.” Like I said, paraphrasing. Everything else is irrelevant.

This is why I don’t get caught up in outrage anymore. I can’t do anything about it, and honestly it has no direct impact on my meager, little life, so who cares? Why bother? Life is too short.

Besides, most of the bullshit you see online is only happening online. I go outside into the real world and the great majority of people out there didn’t get the memo that we are all going to die any day now and that men and women should be and are hating one another.

So while you are arguing about “muh freedom,” realize that you have never been truly free, ever. Not for at least 70 years or more. You have been living in a guilded cage.

And honestly, do you think you could truly survive in a world where you had to be totally accountable for yourself, your health, and your safety? You think you could be truly self-reliant?

You truly think you could? Really? Interesting, bro. Tell me more.