Category: Best Of

The Forgotten Man

Rob Says3 Comments

I happened across a book at the grocery store that I was servicing on Friday, and the book was titled, “The Woman In The Window.” I don’t know who the author is, nor do I care. I have no idea what the book is about either. This isn’t a book review. All I know is that the title and the cover art caught my eye.

When there is a woman standing in a window, like there was on the cover of the book, people are going to notice. People always notice women in windows. “Oh she’s lonely! Oh she’s been kidnapped and held against her will! Oh she’s…..” You get what I saying.

Whenever there is a woman in a window, even in silhouette, or even just barely a glimpse of a face, she will be noticed. She will be noticed by someone. Whether a cop on a beat, a detective looking to solve a mystery, some kids out riding their bikes, or Karen across the street looking for predators, that woman in the window will be noticed.

Who doesn’t get noticed though?

Most men.

Men are the forgotten ones. They are invisible until they are needed. I’m not complaining or crying about it, it’s just the truth.

I go from job to job, 10 hours a day, and I’m almost never noticed. In fact, I tend to startle people because they didn’t see me until I am literally right next to them. I guess it’s a good thing for them that I mean no harm or ill intent, because if I did, it would be too late for them to do anything about it.

In a Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, there are several classes of citizens. The most numerous and the one that is invisible and forgotten is the Epsilon class. These are the gardeners, the custodial staff, the power line workers, the trash collectors, the busboys, the miners, and the sewage treatment facility workers. These are the personnel that keep the world turning and keep the electricity flowing. Without them, everything grinds to a halt.

This is the great majority of men. Keeping the world turning, the oil flowing, the electricity on, the water going, and the internet on which you are reading this, and posting your latest selfie.

Without these men, you would be sitting in the dark, have no clean water to drink or bathe in, no internet to entertain yourself on, no heat to keep you warm in the winter and no air conditioning to keep you cool in the summer.

These men, these Epsilon’s of today are the unseen, unspoken, Forgotten Men. They are invisible to all until they are needed.

I’ve learned what it is like to be Unseen and Forgotten. It’s not a fun experience. It makes you question yourself, and ask yourself things like, “Do I even matter? What’s the point of life? Is my existence simply to show up, shut up, pay my taxes, and do what I’m told? Is my existence simply to be at the service of someone else? Someone else who doesn’t even know I exist, until they need me for something?”

We all want to be seen and heard. We all want to be noticed. We all want to matter. We all want to have a reason to live and exist and it can’t just be about living to serve and to pay taxes until we die. We don’t want to be Forgotten.

We want to be Remembered.

If we will be only seen when needed, how long will it take for us to decide to, say, not show up for work and keep the lights on? Or pick up your trash? Or keep the water running? How long can you last without your creature comforts and your internet before you need us? A week? A day?

An hour?

Less?

I wonder who will write the next book titled The Woman In The Window? I know I’ve seen that title before.

But who will truly write The Forgotten Man?

Are They Banging?

Rob Says3 Comments

A few days ago, Rollo was out and about with some people and he took the above picture and then asked Twitter, “Are they banging?” He’s referring to the woman and the man in the background in case there is any wonder or confusion.

I’ve seen guys over the years post pictures similar to this one, asking questions like:

“Is this alpha? Is this beta? Are they a couple? What do you think is going on here?” And many more.

Let’s take a look at some of the replies to this tweet:

And the list goes on and on and on… Lots of “Yes they are banging,” and a lot of “No, they aren’t.” Lot of why the person replying thinks they are banging or not. On Twitter, everybody is a fucking expert when it comes to body language and motive.

There was one reply in particular that really stood out to me though, and I think it is by far the most accurate one of them all:

“We don’t know.”

That’s right, we don’t know. We don’t know if they are banging or not. Maybe this is a father/daughter moment.

And when it comes to her legs being crossed:

Women are incredibly aware of their surroundings. She’s wearing a short skirt, for whatever reason. Maybe she just likes short skirts? She’s sitting on a tall chair at a tall table, her entire body is exposed to the world. Women know when they are wearing something that could reveal the color of their underwear, or the fact that they aren’t wearing any at all.

While we are playing amateur psychologist/psychic, let’s talk about something some of the replies are showing. Projection.

Good grief.

“Bitter, party of one. Bitter, party of one. Your table is ready.”

And to round it out, a woman decided to join in on the fun as well. I happen to like her reply:

The honest to god truth to Rollo’s question is: “We don’t know.” We don’t know if they are banging or not. This is a snapshot of a moment in time. We know nothing about this couple other than they are most likely a man and a woman.

If we are going to be honest, we need more information. Was Rollo there before they showed up? Did they leave before he did? Only Rollo can answer those questions. It would have been better to have video footage of this scene to come to a better conclusion. It would have been ideal to have filmed them from the time they entered and sat down to the time they got up and left. It would have been better to have overheard their conversation. Hell, it would have been great if Rollo had gotten up, walked over to them and asked them, “Are you guys banging?” I imagine that he didn’t.

I don’t mind these tweets when they pop up and sometimes it’s blatantly obvious if the people in the photo “are banging” or not. But in this particular case, as with the great majority of the ones that I have seen on Twitter, the only honest answer is, “We don’t know.”

Guys, realize that a picture is just that. A picture. It’s a brief moment in time that happened to be captured. By itself it is useless. You need more information and you need more context. Stop playing amateur armchair psychologist. Stop pretending that you truly understand body language. Just because a person folds their arms or crosses their legs doesn’t mean anything by itself. Stop reading into things that you know nothing about. Unless you were there, watching and talking to the people in the photo, you really have no idea of what is going on. Not even an “educated guess.” Just pulling shit right out of your ass is all you are doing. You need the context and you need more information. All you end up doing in cases like this is you look like an idiot.

While these photos and short snippets of video are fun to look at, that’s all they are. Fun, and nothing more. Keep that in mind.

Let me show you one last photo and ask you the same question that Rollo did.

“Are they banging?”

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“Social Proof”

Rob Says2 Comments

It all starts with this screen shot from Rian Stone:

“Most things guys think they are doing to attract women actually attracts men.”

So far, so good. He’s not wrong.

Then Midlife Moves saw Rian’s tweet and raised him one of his own:

Midlife Moves: “Other men like your six-pack more than women do.”

Not in every case obviously, but Midlife isn’t wrong here either. Most guys obsess over shit that isn’t as important as they think it is or want it to be. Investing in yourself and in whatever it is that you believe in can create huge blind spots and make you question your very existence at times when those beliefs are called into question. Here’s a thing about the “six-pack” question:

I don’t have “six-pack” abs. Not even close. Never have, never will. I’m lazy and I don’t want to put the work in to get six-pack abs. I like my junk food and my alcohol too much, so I know I’ll never have those type of abs, and I’m okay with that. The women that have been in my life didn’t care that I didn’t have six-pack abs either. They still enjoyed running their hands, fingers, and tongues all over my body.

Back to the screen shots though:

Here’s a guy who has no clue and it shows: “Which then attracts women because of the social proof placed on you by other men…” This was in response to Midlife saying that “other men like your six-pack more than women do.” Here’s the full screen shot of that:

Now it’s time for a little history lesson, so bear with me here…

I remember dating and meeting women back in through the 90’s and even into the early 2000’s. I was single, ready to mingle, and going to the bar was pretty much my thing and what I did. The internet as we know it today either didn’t exist or was in its infancy.

“Back in the day,” guys were clueless about “how to get da gurlz.” I know I was. I had no idea what to say or to do. The difference between then and now was that at least guys understood to a certain degree how to dress, most guys were not overweight, and hygiene was mandatory, not optional, like today. In short, while guys didn’t have Game, they at least looked and smelled presentable compared to today. Looking and smelling good went far back then and I would say that it is even more crucial today than ever.

Guys “back in the day” were clueless, but today? I almost think the majority of guys are beyond hope and are a lost cause. When they don’t understand the concept of social proof, you know things are bad.

I agree with what Midlife is saying here. Being surrounded by a bunch of guys isn’t social proof to women that you are “the man.” Being surrounded by women is.

Considering that most guys are horrible at game and have no idea what to say or do to pick up women, being surrounded by guys is a liability, not an asset, when it comes to seduction. Guys step on their own dicks all by themselves, but put them into a group together and you might not step on your own dick, but your bro will step on it for you. Most of the time it won’t be intentional, but sometimes it is. I’ve seen guys throw other guys under the bus in order to get a chance to get the girl.

Back in 2019 when I got back into the dating scene, I remember taking a date to the bar that I liked going to. We were sitting down, enjoying a drink, and then I saw this:

Here’s your “social proof” of guys in a group. Does that look like a group of guys that are “getting da gurlz?” Hanging around in a bar, huddled over beers, at a bare minimum, is going to be seen as neutral to a woman. Worst case, your value to her is going to go down. I remember my date saw me filming this little interaction and so she looked over at them, rolled her eyes, and said, “My god, what a bunch of dorks.” That’s attractive fellas. As a bonus: notice the lack of awareness this group of guys has. Notice their clothing. This is the norm today.

Here’s another picture from that same scene, same night:

Chad Thundercock, your competition.

That video and that snapshot was taken in early 2019. A year later in 2020, right before the pandemic hit and shut everything down, nothing had changed.

Even back in the 90’s groups of guys that were huddled together over their beers wasn’t seen as social proof to women. It was just social proof to other men. Get three guys together at the bar and soon you’ll have a whole gaggle of guys standing around you, one hand in their pocket, the other clutching their beer as a shield. I have seen this phenomenon over and over again. In this respect, nothing has changed today. You think it is hard to isolate a woman from her group of girlfriends? Try getting a woman to walk up to a group of dudes in order to separate one guy from that herd. It’s never happened and it never will, and that’s because women don’t approach. Guys hanging around other guys and it will get you social proof in order to get the girls? No. That’s not how this works.

Guys talk about “unicorns” when it comes to women. You want to know a true “unicorn?” A guy that knows Game and can run as your wing man. In all of my years of chasing skirt, I have yet to meet a guy locally who knows how to run Game and be a wing for me. My Game isn’t spectacular, but I have Game and I can wing for another guy if that is what needs to happen. The problem is most guys have no clue, so there’s no point running wing for the clueless.

Speaking of clueless, I think technology has made people stupid. We don’t know how to interact with one another on a face to face level anymore. We have no idea about social cues, body language, tonality, and nuance. And it’s only going to get worse if what I’m seeing now continues. Technology is constantly changing and evolving and it’s doing it at lightning speed. Human nature hasn’t changed in years.

I have gotten to a point in my life that if I’m going to go out to a bar with guy friends, I have a choice. I can separate myself from the herd and run Game solo, or I can just hang with my friends and not worry about chasing skirt. Trying to get a guy to run as a wing is damn near impossible, so I don’t even bother anymore.

Guys running their mouths on the internet, I see you. Your ignorance and your lack of experience shows.

To all of you that are reading this post, be very careful and very skeptical of whose “advice” you listen to. In many cases it will do more harm than good.

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