Author: Rob Says

A man who loves and likes women.

Morality

Rob Says6 Comments

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I’ve unfollowed a handful of people on Twitter lately. Many of these guys I’ve followed for years. The two main reasons that I’ve stopped following them is part of the same thing really. Morality.

Older guys telling younger guys to “man up.” Older guys telling younger guys, “how it was back in the good old days.” When I say older guys, some of them are older than me, some are my age, and a couple are a few years younger than me. Don’t even get me started on the young guys who are preaching morality. All I can say to them is, “I appreciate what you are trying to do, I’ll give you credit for the effort, now sit down.” Not to sound condescending to these up and coming young men, but guys, the world hasn’t even begun to fuck with you yet. You have no idea. So sit down and close your mouths.

A lot of the guys that I’ve unfollowed are preaching their version of morality. Or what they learned in sunday school when they were kids. Nothing wrong with religion. If Jesus helps you be a better person, I’m all for it. If Jesus doesn’t do it for you, but Allah does, again, I’m all for it for you. But it isn’t for me.

When I say it isn’t for me, I mean all religions. I was raised under a certain religion from a tiny boy until about the age of 12 or so when I decided that that particular faith wasn’t for me. Through many years I’ve looked into a variety of religions and none of them fit me. I’ve gone down many rabbit holes of religion looking for answers only to find those rabbit holes either dead ended, or just kept spiralling around like a maze. I finally got to a place where I realized for me, that the religion rabbit hole doesn’t contain the answers that I have been looking for, and never did. Since that time, I’ve stopped looking for answers via religion.

One thing I’ve come to realize though is this, if you need religion to be moral, you’ve got problems. Big ones. If you need a book or scripture to tell you how to lead a moral life, if you can’t figure that out for yourself, you really have problems.

Morality is such a slippery thing in a lot of ways. When I grew up in the faith that I did, God and Jesus were perfect, we weren’t and aren’t. But man, you would be guilted and shamed for not doing everything in your power to be that perfection. Nothing you could do was good enough. You couldn’t pray enough. You couldn’t ask for forgiveness enough. And while God was a loving God, and was all-knowing and all-forgiving, somehow God just wouldn’t forgive you for that one little thing that you did that one time. God was all loving and a judgmental bastard at the same time. Now I realize that it wasn’t the religion itself per-se that was the problem, it was the “flock” or the “congregration.”

Still, religion is just not for me. You do you baby, and I’ll do me.

One of the things that I realized that helped me decide if I wanted to continue following these particular individuals on Twitter was the fact that they are preaching an outdated gospel. The times that they want to get back to are long dead and gone. Honestly I don’t think those time periods ever existed, I think what they are saying is mostly wishful thinking and delusional fantasy.

“Getting back to God” isn’t going to “save the west.” That ship has sailed. Religion has been compromised. The United States may have been founded under Christianity, but it won’t be saved by it. The only messiah that is going to save you is yourself. Stop looking to other’s to save you. They won’t. Stop wishing for “the good old days.” Those days are long gone or more likely never existed. We don’t live in a Normal Rockwell painting and we never have and we never will. Stop looking to the sky for your answers, they aren’t there. They are inside of you. You know what you need to do, so do it.

I’ve always been more interested in what IS than what OUGHT to be. I may not always like what I see, but I would rather deal with what is. Reality just is. It doesn’t care about you. It doesn’t care about me. It’s completely indifferent to you and me. It’s not benign nor is it malevolent. It’s like gravity. Gravity just is. It exists but is completely indifferent to us. You can rail against it when you fall down and tell it, “that’s not how it’s supposed to be!” But it won’t change anything. Gravity will do its thing to you again when you fall down. Might as well get used to that idea and maybe work on ways to not fall down so much.

I have my own moral code, just as I’m sure you have yours. I’m not going to tell you how to live, and I probably won’t judge you for the things that you do. I may not do things the way that you do, and that’s okay. Doing things my way doesn’t make me any less moral than you. At least in my book.

So yeah, I unfollowed a few dudes. I got tired of hearing guilt and shaming tactics that I heard almost 40 years ago. I got tired of hearing about “the good old days.” I got tired of hearing about things that amount to wishful thinking, platitudes, and living in a world that isn’t the world that I occupy. I got tired of hearing about how things ought to be instead of hearing about how things are.

Jack Donovan talked about being good at being a Man, and being a good Man. There is a difference between the two. Being a good Man is a moralistic perspective, while being good at being a Man, well, sometimes you do what you got to do to get things done, and sometimes those things can be immoral, or at least amoral.

In a perfect world, I think it would be best to be both, to be good at being a Man and a good Man. But when the shit hits the fan, being a good Man goes out the window and becomes irrelevant if and when the intruder is standing in front of you with a gun in his hand. You could be a good Man, but a dead Man. I know which one I would choose given that situation.

The issue of morality has always been a pressure point for me. That’s because everybody has their idea of what is moral, and they always stand on the side of being right when it comes to morality. What is right for you may not in fact be right for me. In fact, I would rather find something that “works” and gets me results than worry about being “right.”

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The Internet Never Forgets.

Rob Says2 Comments

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Many years ago, I had a co-worker who was literally the poster boy for the company. He had an incident happen, that for that particular industry, it was a really big deal. He did everything right, he did it by the book and did it by the numbers. Everything went perfectly. He was held up as the standard to aspire to for his fellow employees.

Fast forward a year and the guy gets fired. He didn’t get fired for theft, embezzlement, or any other sort of crime. Nor did he get fired for not doing his job. You see, he got fired for talking about work on the internet. He had a bad day and decided to take his frustrations to the internet and to vent. Now, he could have gotten away with doing this, except that he named the company. This company had IT guys that did nothing all day but scour the internet using the company name as one of the search parameters. They wanted to keep their fingers on the pulse of what the world at large thought of the company.

The company is and was international and a lot rode on their name, their reputation, so when his post, his rant, showed up, and he was talking negatively about the company, he was fired. He went from poster boy to pariah within a year. And this was back in the early 2000’s.

Why am I bringing this up? We all know shit like this happens all the time. People get fired and ostracized for wrongthink, especially when it comes to their jobs. Old news, right?

I’m bringing it up because of something that was said in a group that I belong to online. This group consists of a bunch of ordinary guys, swapping notes, shooting the shit, and busting each other’s balls. Typical dude shit.

Somebody screenshotted a photo of a young woman off of Tinder though. Now, to me, her face was ordinary. She wasn’t ugly, nor was she attractive. She was average. A 5 out of 10. A plain Jane. Totally forgettable. Except…

Except that in her “bio” she mentioned something along the lines of accepting money for dates. Something about being a “sugar baby.” Basically a form of prostitution.

Her picture, her bio, they are out there. Out in the wild. Out on the internet. And the internet never forgets.

Right now, today, jobs are not only looking at your criminal backgrounds and your credit scores, they are looking at your social media profiles. They are looking to see what you are doing, what you are saying, and who you are saying and doing those things with. Old news.

But what about this young woman, who is 19 or so? Maybe her job hasn’t seen what she’s saying she’s looking for, what she’s willing to do. Maybe they don’t care. Maybe what she does on her personal time is none of their business and none of their concern. I get that. And honestly, that’s how it should be.

But what about a guy she meets, whether online or off? What if he decides to do a little digging, see what shows up you know? Facial recognition software already exists. It’s only a matter of time before it becomes affordable and publicly available to the masses. Hell, you can take any photo off of the internet, throw it into Google images, and have a reasonable chance of finding the origin of that photo, or at least finding similar ones out there. That’s old news.

What if this young woman, after spending several years, living it up, partying it up, posting her antics and her whatnot’s on the internet decides she wants to “settle down” one day? We all want love right? We all, for the most part, are looking to spend a significant portion of our time with somebody else. Spend our lives together, start a family, that sort of thing. What happens if and when that potential suitor does an internet search on her face and that Tinder profile, showing that she was willing to exchange sex for money shows up? What is he going to do then? What would he think?

Thank god, I’m the age I am and grew up when I did. The internet didn’t exist when I was a hooligan. All of my exploits are lost to time, and since there are no pics, it didn’t happen.

I get it though. We either were or are, young and dumb at some point in our lives. YOLO and all of that. But just remember, the internet never forgets. Whatever you post online is out of your hands the moment you post it. Sure, you can set your privacy settings to “friends only.” You can even set them to “just me.” But what about your “friend” that does a screen shot from their phone? What if somebody gets your password or hacks your account? So much for privacy settings.

It’s probably wiser to take one from the mafia on this:

Keep your mouth shut. Or in this case, don’t be posting photos or videos of you doing stupid shit that could have repercussions a decade from now.

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Here’s a picture worth a thousand words. You might also be lucky to be called “grandma,” as well. Let that sink in.

 

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Love Junkies

Rob SaysLeave a comment

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For any of my readers out there, whether you are new or returning, I want you to understand something about me. This will help with the rest of this post that I’m writing about today. I’ve always considered myself to be a “big picture” guy. I’ve always been more interested in application than theory for the most part. I don’t like to get bogged down into minutae, and so I try to find ways to “chunk up” as it were. Sayings like, “be attractive, don’t be unattractive,” are hugely appealing to me, as that way I have a lot of leeway where I can make things happen, and not get too caught up in the details. I’m the guy that had a lot of fun in applied psychology where I would try something out and if it worked, great! Do that again until it doesn’t. If it didn’t work out, well shit, let’s try something else. I have never worried too much about the “why’s” of things, I’m far more interested in the “how’s.” There are definitely better writer’s out there that can give you a lot of details, theories, and the “why’s” of something, nothing wrong with that, but for me, I’m the “fly by the seat of the pants” and see what happens guy. This may not be the best approach to doing things, especially when it comes to things of a highly dangerous or technical nature, but hey, I’m still here, breathing and running my mouth, and I’ve still got all my appendages.

That being said, let’s move on…

What do you think is the most powerful drug in the world?

It isn’t meth. It isn’t coke. It isn’t pot, LSD, ‘shrooms, XTC, or alcohol.

It’s “love.”

Now why did I throw quotes around love? Because I’m pretty sure that it’s a complex chemical cocktail that goes on in our heads and bodies. I could throw around words like dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, ad nauseum, but I’m not going to. I’m also not going to give the word love a divine, mystical, other worldly or other being connotation either. Let’s leave the mystic, magical thinking, mumbo-jumbo out of it for today’s ramble and just agree for now that love is a chemical reaction that goes on in our bodies.

Yes, I know, I’m not being very romantic here. Deal with it.

It’s the highest high you will ever experience. The feelings of it can last longer than any other drug that you happen to ingest in whatever way. Most drugs last a few hours at most, maybe even a day. Seldom longer than that though. Some drugs only last a few minutes before you are either maintaining, sustaining, or chasing after that next high. Gotta take another hit, dose, shot, whatever.

Not love though. That one first hit of it, can go for days, weeks, even months. I would know because I’ve been in love several times throughout the years. I’m not talking about lust, or being horny. Yes, they are similar in nature, but I don’t believe that the rush is as intense nor does it last very long. Being horny or in a state of lust is powerful, but it can be abated pretty quickly. Have an orgasm and the horniness is slaked for the time being.

Love isn’t quite like that though. When I’ve been in love, I couldn’t think straight. The weird part is, on a certain level, I knew this. I don’t know about you guys reading this, but there’s been times in my past where I would get drunk or something, and yet there was this little part of me that was always sober. That part, usually in my brain, at least for descriptive purposes, would usually speak up at some point and say something like, “I just want to be sober right now,” or “What the fuck are you doing?” That last message was the more common one. Usually right after that message, the rest of me that was drunk would say something like, “Whee! Gimme another! Watch this! Hold my beer! Check this out!” And it would all be downhill from there until I actually sobered up.

That’s also how it’s been for me when I’ve been in love. Part of me knows that I can’t think straight, but then the “love drunk” part of me is saying, “Wheee! This is fun! She is awesome and I just want to run naked through her hair, lick every inch of her body, devour every last part of her, consume her, so that she’s inside of me, and burrow my nose and face on her so that I can inhale her.”

When I first met my ex girlfriend, in the very beginning, it was just lust. She looked good and I wanted to fuck and fuck and fuck, but then the love kicked in. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t think straight. I was consumed. It was the highest high. And that high went on for about six months, maybe more. That sober part of me would take control for awhile and things would be “normal” for a bit, but then she would show up, my brain would get a chemical bath, and it was off to the races again.

It’s something else, love. To feel that you have someone that sees you for who you really are. And they accept you for who you really are. They just get you. And they are okay with you being you. They are even turned on by you being you. Powerful stuff. Now these things, are they in fact, “real?” I don’t believe so, not in a literal sense. No one can truly know who you are, nor you them. But it’s what we create in our minds with that chemical bath. Powerful stuff indeed.

Now, I don’t know if this is how everyone is when they first “fall in love.” I would imagine that it’s something like this based on what I’ve heard people say, watched what they do, so on and so forth.

I’m pretty sure that “why” we experience this is hardwired so that we want to procreate and have children, and also the way that we pair bond. Like I said earlier, I’m not going to get into the “science” of it all, and I’m not going to get bogged down into the details. Let’s just leave it at we can all experience love, and it’s what we chase after, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. If not, then why do we get up in the morning? Why do we do what we do? Why do we bother with doing anything at all? Why not just lie down and wait to die?

That all being said, I think it (love) is a wonderful thing. It’s a drug though. In my opinion it’s probably the most powerful and potent one out there. We all do some stupid and crazy shit to get a hit of it.

Where am I going with all of this? Here’s the wrap up:

When you, or somebody you know is in love, especially in the beginning, they can’t think straight. They are literally drunk or fucked up. And that’s okay. Hell, I think it’s a function and a feature, not a glitch or a bug in how we are. But keep that in mind when you are dealing with someone that is in love. Their mind isn’t focused or really in the here and now. They can’t think straight. So take whatever they say or do with a grain of salt. Don’t get caught up in their emotional high. Especially when they are handing out advice.

I know that I would give them some space to enjoy the rush and let it course through them, maybe six months or more, before I would take them seriously again. Gotta get through that good shit, if you know what I mean.

At the end of the day, we are all just a bunch of “love” junkies.

Ah “love.” Best drug ever.

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