Author: Rob Says

A man who loves and likes women.

Joey Wants To Be A “G.”

Rob SaysLeave a comment

close up of a sign against white background

Inspired by Nick August @thenickaugust, BarryNishizawa @BarryNishizawa, and Winkle. @CharlieWinkle1. All these fine gentlemen can be found at their respective handles on Twitter. Let us begin…

Joey flipped open his laptop and logged onto the membership site. He waited impatiently as the banner loaded and the secret forum booted up. He scrolled quickly, looking for something, anything new, from the Leader. There was nothing. Nothing since 4 am this morning. It was now 6 am.

“I wonder what’s keeping him?” Joey thought. He was slightly perspiring as he typed the Leader’s handle into the search function, hoping against hope that He had posted something that Joey had somehow over-looked. Nothing new.

When Joey first joined Twitter, a little over 3 weeks ago, he was pathetic. He didn’t have a girlfriend, he was fat, and his job, well, let’s not talk about that, shall we? But now? Now Joey had a mission. He was going to do it. He was going to become a G. He had no idea what a G was, but dammit, that’s what he was going to do!

The first step in becoming a G was joining the exclusive G Club. It was only $49.97 a month. Joey could do that, he had some money in the bank. So at the encouragement of the Leader, via Twitter, Joey hit the “subscribe” button on the website, pulled out his credit card, entered his information, and bam! He was in.

Oh the forum was glorious! The Leader was everywhere, all the time, it seemed. There were guys, guys just like Joey, who wanted to be G’s. They had all sorts of questions and topics, ranging anywhere from getting the girls, to bitcoin, to lifting weights and diet.

Joey was in heaven. Finally he found the answer. He was going to get his life in order, become a G, make millions doing drop-shipping, and end up driving lamborghini’s and banging hot babes. It was all here. All the answers he could ever want were here in the G Club.

The Leader had pinned a message welcoming all new G Potentiates. That’s what Joey was, a G Potentiate. There were helpful links to a F.A.Q. section. These were the most frequently asked questions. The Leader encouraged all new Potentiates to read the F.A.Q. because most of their questions had probably already been asked and had been answered here. Joey understood this. The Leader was a busy G. He didn’t have time to keep answering the same questions over and over again.

There was a section of the forum that was dedicated to Potentiate Second Class. Joey had access to this one too. For an additional $10.97 a month, he was able to unlock this section of the forum. Inside there were the guys known as The G Brotherhood. These were guys that were well on their way to becoming a G. One of the great things about being Potentiate Second Class, was you got a little star next to your avatar and you could give out information and advice to the standard Potentiates. Joey had been quiet so far, because well, he had only been a Potentiate Second Class for about a week. Besides, he felt he needed to watch the Leader’s video called “Being A G Is For Me” at least two or three more times before he felt comfortable handing out advice.

Joey clicked on “Being A G Is For Me” and began watching. The production was top notch. No expense was spared. Joey couldn’t believe that he bought this video for only $79.97. He would have easily payed four times that amount, that’s how good the video was. There was the Leader in all His Glory, standing there, flexing his biceps while a beautiful young woman was feeding him grapes. Joey couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was that he found the G Club and the Leader.

The video ended twenty minutes later and Joey was pumped. The Leader was so inspiring! Joey could still hear the Leader’s voice in his head, “Your life is fucked up because you’re a fuck up. Get your shit together. Be better than that. Be a G like me.” Joey then went back into the main forums to see if anything new had been posted.

Oh! There was! While Joey had been watching “Being A G Is For Me,” the Leader had spoken!

“You wanna Save the West? You wanna be a G like me? Come to G Con! You’ll get to meet like-minded guys from all over the world. There will be workshops, there will be drives in lambos, and there will be speakers from all corners of the earth! You’ll be able to meet up with me and I’ll make you into a G! Hurry though because seating is limited to only 50 hardcore G’s! Tickets are now available at the low price of $2999.97! This price is only available for a limited time, after that, they go up! So get in now while the getting is good! See you there!”

“Oh man!” Joey thought. “I have to do this! I have to go to G Con!”

Joey opened another tab on his browser and typed in his financial institution. After logging onto the website, he was dismayed to find that he only had $401.23 in his savings account.

“No matter,” Joey thought, “I’ll just log onto my credit card account and see what I’ve got available there.” A moment later, he was logged on and checking his current balance and available credit.

“Perfect!” He cried. “I’ve got just enough to buy my ticket to G Con!” A small whisper of worry niggled in the back of Joey’s mind, purchasing that ticket was going to max his credit card to the limit. “No worries,” he thought. “I’ll just see if I can get some overtime at work. I have to do this. I have to be a G.”

Joey went back to the G Club website, and purchased his ticket. After the sale had been approved, Joey was offered a one time only deal, where he could purchase the “Be A G Course” for the low price of only $199.97! Normally you couldn’t touch this course for anything less than $499.97, but today, and today only, right now, was his one chance. If he didn’t do it, that opportunity would be lost forever.

Joey clicked the “Add To My Purchase” button and bought the “Be A G Course.”

“Yes!” Joey exclaimed. “Finally I’m going to be a G!” He threw his fists up into the air. He then went back into the forums to see what else was going on. Apparently there was some new activity in the “Bangin’ Ho’s” section.

TomSawyerRush1 had put up a post, asking the forum on how to get the girls. Joey rolled his eyes and then he typed:

“That question has already been answered TomSawyerRush1, it’s in the F.A.Q. Next time, please read the F.A.Q. before asking a question that has already been answered. Noob.” Joey then hit enter. A moment later he saw his comment appear underneath TomSawyerRush1’s post, with his avatar and star to boot! God Joey felt so good saying that! He hated how these new guys would just come in and start asking questions that had already been dealt with a million times before. A few moments after he answered the original post, a host of other Potentiates swarmed on TomSawyerRush1, calling him all sorts of names and doing lol’s and high-fiving each other for their remarks. About five minutes later, a moderator called BeatinMeat, came on and locked the thread. Joey couldn’t stand BeatinMeat, he was such a pompous asshole.

Joey felt an immediate surge of guilt run through his body. How could he think something like that of BeatinMeat? The guy was an Inner Elite! Rumor had it that Inner Elite guys got personal attention from the Leader. They got one on one chat time once a month with Him for 10 minutes, and they even got His personal e-mail address where they could ask him anything they wanted at any time!

Joey was jealous of the Inner Elite guys. He couldn’t afford to become one of them, at least not yet. There was no way he could afford paying $299.97 a month to become a member of the Inner Elite. But he did see that the Leader was having a sale on his “Make Money Like A G Through Drop-Shipping” course, and it was available for a limited time for only $149.97!

Joey sighed and pulled out his debit card….

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The New Little Rascals Building Forts

Rob SaysLeave a comment
two-cats-one-box-fort-asshole
The Problem Is, You Can Only Have One Asshole In Fort Asshole

Hat tip to Nick August, @StoicRed1 on Twitter, for the title and the inspiration for this post.

Without knowing it at the time, Nick brought up something for me that has been an itch that I’ve been needing to scratch. His quote above brought it to the surface for me, and now, hopefully, I’ll get to scratch that motherfucker.

So here’s the deal:

I’ve always considered myself as a guy who is interested in what “is” instead of what “ought to be,” or what “was.” I’ve always been interested in improving myself instead of trying to be a part of a group. I know that the desire to be a part of something “bigger” is a real thing, and we are herd animals by nature. We are social, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’ve been a part of different groups over the years. Everything from the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts when I was a kid, to having a band in high school, to being in an honor society during college, and the last group that I affliliated with and belonged to was a Motorcycle Club. I understand group affiliation and the need to belong.

I also understand that you should seriously consider what it is that you’re looking for before joining a group. TJ Martinell wrote about it awhile ago, and it had something to do with “gamma’s” and also if you want to know how the group is, look to its leader. How is the leader, or leadership? The problem that I’ve encountered with most groups, especially those that are online, is that nothing actually gets accomplished or gets done except for possibly the “worship” of the leadership, and a lot of back patting each other. A lot of sitting around, talking shit, buying yet more “courses” or “secret information” from the leadership, a lot of digital “high-fives,” and a lot of mental masturbation.

I’m not part of any online groups at this time, other than hanging out with the guys from Masculine Geek. I do know and have happened to talk to some guys who either are, or were, a part of some online “exclusive” groups, groups coincidentally that you had to pay some sort of fee to join, and these people have given me a small taste of what is going on in these online groups. All the shit that I just mentioned? Yeah, that’s what’s going on.

Larping with a side of mental masturbation is what is going on. That and for a lot of guys in these groups, a lightening of their wallets. Personally, I don’t have an issue with the leadership fleecing its flock. A fool and his money are soon parted, or something like that. Sometimes that is the lesson that is needed. “What did you get out of that group, bud?” “Nothing but broke. But hey, I won’t be doing that again!” You get to burn.

The New Little Rascals Building Forts. In this case, cardboard box forts. Forts made of farts and hot air. But don’t worry Brother! We are going to save the West! Join us now and together we will rule the galaxy as father and son!

Ooops, my bad, wrong quote.

The West can’t be saved because it doesn’t want to be saved. It would have already been saved by now, but here we are, on an express train to hell, with no engineer at the controls, and if you were to get inside the engine cab, you would find that the controls are broken and nobody has the manual or the tools to fix it. And nobody wants to fix it. Except for maybe that one leader guy and his seven subscribers to his online group. But even they don’t want to “Save the West.” They just want to talk about saving the West. The leader just wants to keep them around longer in order to get more money from the monthly memberships and whatever online courses he can sell to them. Otherwise, he’ll have to go back out in the real world and get an actual job. But fuck it, you’ve got money to blow and the camaraderie is awesome, so why not?

I’m more interested in how I can be more self-sufficient and how the world actually operates, instead of how I wished it operated. I understand that a Man cannot be an island unto himself, that teamwork gets things done faster, better, and more efficiently. But when the leadership and the group itself has no real idea of what is going on, and they have no real idea of how to deal with the situation that they claim to know about, yeah, that can be a problem. But hey, go ahead and join that group and build a cardboard box fort with your new buddies. Tell me how’s that working out for ya, bud?

Like most platitudes, mantras, and slogans, “building forts” is another narcotic. It makes you feel good getting those high-fives and back slaps, but at the end of the day, are you actually accomplishing something? Did you learn a skill? Are you learning something of actual substance?

Or did you get the latest “secret?” The latest “insider information?” If whatever it is made you feel good, it’s probably bullshit and a narcotic. Have fun with that. At least when I hang out with my group, I drink beer.

I’ll be over here dealing with “what is,” instead of building paper forts with the buds.

Honestly, you would be better off looking for something in your locality, literally in your own neighborhood when it comes to joining a group. At least I got to drink and ride with my Brothers in the club and we had each other’s back when shit went down. Real life beats online hands down, every time.

Like Nick said, “The question is, what do you need for the most important part of your journey, the part where you have to go it alone?” Are your buddies in their digital online fort going to be there for you? Probably not. When the money runs out, your money, let’s see where you are left standing, and who is still standing with you. Hint: I’m not going to hold my breath.

Better hope your new online buddies in your new online group, building their new online cardboard box fort are teaching you how to go it alone. You’ve got to be able to go it alone, because at some point, you’ll have no other choice but to go it alone. I guarantee you that.

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Driven To Distraction

Rob Says1 Comment

blur car cellphone contemporary

It’s almost the holidays around here. Work has gotten crazy, life has gotten crazy. People around me are going crazy. I’m going crazy. Too much shit to do, not enough time to do it. Too many articles to write, too many videos to shoot, too much all at once it seems.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself and honestly, I’m not bitching. It’s just….Crazy. I don’t feel like I have enough time to breathe some days. Here’s a little “too much information” for you:

At the time of me writing this, I just got out of the shower. Freshly scrubbed and clean. God it feels good. I took a shower the night before as well. But before that? Sunday. It had seriously been almost 5 days since I had showered. I just got too caught up in everything that I have going on that I forgot to shower. Gross, I know.

What’s my point? My point is decide what is important to you and focus on that. To hell with literally everything else. You only have so many fucks to give, and you can’t give a fuck about everything, so choose what you are going to give a fuck about.

There are so many book recommendations I’ve been given over the last little while, that if I were to try and read them all, I would have to quit my day job, stop seeing my girls, stop writing and podcasting everywhere, and just read. The amount of material would probably take me the rest of my life to read too.

I’ve all but stopped listening to podcasts. I don’t have the time and there’s other things that I would rather do with my time. Life is too short. So basically, I don’t give a fuck about listening to podcasts. Same goes with almost all links and articles that are presented to me. I don’t give a fuck about those either. There’s a couple of blogs that I still read, and always will, unless the writers stop writing, they are that fun and entertaining to me, so I don’t give a fuck about blogs and articles with a couple of notable exceptions. Those writers/authors know who they are. I “like” their stuff and I enteract with them in the comments from time to time, and if it’s something that really hits home for me, or I find it valuable, I’ll share it on social media for others to enjoy.

I don’t give a fuck about the way things were or the way they ought to be. I don’t have time for that. We as a society, maybe even as a species, can’t go backwards. We never have and we never will. There are no time machines that exist as far as I know, and even if there were, I wouldn’t use it. As “bad” as things are, I like living in the time and era that I live in. There’s no machine to take us to an “alternate world” either. Too many people fantasize about shit that never happened and never will, wishing they lived in that alternate universe. That’s a complete waste of time to me. The only thing I can think is, “Wow, your life sucks that much, or you’re so bored, that you want to live in another different fantasy universe?” That’s sad to me. Again, I’m perfectly content with where I’m at in the world I’m in, right this moment. No sense living in the past or living in the future. Better to live in the present. Live in the past or the future and your life is going to pass you by regardless. Might as well be present and enjoy what you have while you have it.

My ex-wife and I used to have a sort of “argument.” She had an opinion about anything and everything, and she wanted to know my opinion about whatever it was that she had an opinion on. My answer almost every time was, “I don’t have an opinion. I don’t care about [insert thing here].” It drove her crazy. She couldn’t understand how I couldn’t have an opinion about [insert thing here]. Whatever [insert thing here] was, it was usually something outside of my control and something I couldn’t affect. So why care about it? Why give a fuck?

So what do I give a fuck about? I give a fuck about the time I spend with my girls. They are fun. They whisper nasty things in my ear and that’s really fun. I give a fuck about beer, because well, it’s beer. Beer is fun. Getting a good buzz going is fun.

I give a fuck about what I’m doing on Patreon. Talking with my guys there, I feel like we are a bunch of evil, cackling dudes rubbing our hands together, saying shit like, “Excellent!” as we are watching the world burn. I’ve decided to make my Patreon page be about things that are nearest and dearest to me, stuff that I don’t necessarily want to share here or elsewhere. I’m giving a fuck about that big time. By the way, this isn’t a plug. In a way, I like that I only have a few patrons, it’s more intimate that way.

Apparently I give a fuck about this blog, because here I am, writing some more nonsense for you to enjoy. Or not enjoy. That part I don’t give a fuck about. I guess I enjoy the process of writing, especially when I “get into a groove,” and things just flow and go, you know?

Right now, I give a fuck about sleep. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go to bed. But before that, I’m going to turn off the computer, turn off the alarm, and turn off my phone. I’m pulling the plug on it all, at least for the night. Maybe even for a full day or two. The world will keep on keeping on without me. Nothing and nobody needs my attention that bad. The world won’t end while I take a siesta.

Decide what is important to you and focus on that.

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