I have seen the argument on Twitter, it comes and it goes. “Coffee vs Drinks.” Guys line up on both sides of the argument, extolling the virtues and benefits of one over the other. I’m pretty damn sure I have covered this particular subject before, but I’ll be damned if I can’t find the link to the post. Maybe I just talked about it on Twitter or a livestream. Anyways, here goes:

If I have to choose, I’ll take drinks over coffee any day of the week. I’ve gone on enough coffee dates and coffee meet ups and every one of them felt like a job interview to me. Awkward, too many questions, not enough of “her, in her body.”

When I meet a new woman, I always suggest the initial meet up happen over drinks. Why? Because it tells me a lot about her, right from the get-go. Is she a drinker? Does she not drink? If she doesn’t drink, why doesn’t she? If she is in recovery, that’s going to be a problem for me. I’m not giving up something that gives me pleasure, but I also don’t want to be the catalyst for her to have a relapse either. Maybe she chooses not to drink for religious reasons. Maybe she chooses not to drink because of a particular lifestyle. That’s fine, but it most likely won’t be compatible with my lifestyle.

But what if she’s a drinker? How much does she drink? Is she an alcoholic? Does she lose control and stir up drama in a public place, like a bar? Does she talk shit and start fights? Is she so out of control that she either passes out or ends up in the restroom, puking her guts out in the toilet? I have seen all of these behaviors. I don’t have time for that shit. I’m not a babysitter, and I’m not her babysitter specifically. I also won’t white knight for her either. She wants to start shit, she can finish it. Welcome to equality.

I do like a woman that enjoys a drink or two or three, though. It shows me that she is open to tingles. It loosens her tongue (which can be a good or a bad thing) and it tends to put her in a…. Mood. If she wasn’t already in that mood. It lets me know that she isn’t uptight, and that’s a big thing for me. Huge, actually.

I’ve dated and had sex and relationships with enough women now to know that I don’t do uptight. Can’t stand it actually. Too much bullshit and too many “rules.” I have only one rule. There are no rules.

Alcohol has been called a “Social Lubricant” for a reason. Even Jerry Seinfeld brought it up in an episode. “How do all the ugly people get together, Jerry?” “Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.” That’s not an exact quote, but you get the idea. And he’s not wrong.

“Beer goggles” are a thing. Been there, done that. But so did she.

Rian Stone called alcohol a “liquid panty remover.” He’s definitely not wrong. It is. Drinks are more conducive to sex vs coffee and a questionnaire about “what do you bring to the table.”

I get it. The guys who typically advocate against drinks will usually say something about “being sharp and on top of their game.” Or it’s something about consent. I understand that as well. I don’t want to go down a rabbit hole about consent here, so I’ll say this:

I’ve never had a woman have sex with me who later regretted it and filed rape charges. Never. She’s a grown ass woman who has agency and autonomy. Stop reading headlines on the internet. The reason those headlines exist is because they are the outlier. They are so far from the norm as to be exceptional. Do you want to go through being afraid of a possibility instead of a probability? Or do you want to see her “let her hair down?”

Drinks make my meet ups so much more interesting. I get to see how she handles her alcohol. I get to see her squirm in her seat. I get to see her as she becomes uncensored. I get to see her. And from there I can decide if she’s “good enough,” or not.

Live a little, why don’t you? You’re not going to make it off this rock alive, so you might as well enjoy your time while you’re here. And if you are enjoying yourself, do you know what? She’ll take her cue from you and she’ll enjoy herself too. And who knows? If you don’t step on your dick, you just might get laid.

It’s fun to listen to the guys I work with when I’m riding around with them. It’s fun to talk about women (wahmen for you unhappy folks) and relationships. It’s fun to hear their points of view. It’s fun to watch a guy, not on the internet, but in real life, step on his own dick. Chest Rockwell said it a while ago (and I’m paraphrasing heavily here, apologies, Chest) “All of your knowledge of women is in the abstract.”

It’s fun to watch an early 40-something year old dude squash his own nuts.

What’s even more fun is to show, not tell, not explain, how I view women. It’s fun to see lightbulbs’ go on in his head as he starts to make connections to things that he hasn’t thought about before.

Here’s an example:

“Chris”: I don’t want to “just have sex with a woman, I need a connection to her.”

Me, in my head: (Where have I heard this before? Why is this so familiar? What does this sound like? Who usually says this stuff?)

Me: “You don’t have to commit to them, you don’t have to fuck them, you don’t have to marry them, just enjoy them. Date them.”

“Chris”: “Well, she’s got ABC, and she doesn’t have XYZ.”

Me: “Yeah? So? What did I just say to you?”

And then we got out of the truck, started unloading our equipment, and I saw a woman, whom I would never marry or commit to, but I opened her anyway. Why? Because I would bang her, given a chance. But that’s me.

“Chris” nearly shit himself watching me teasing this total stranger, and she was enjoying it. Did I “get the digits?” Nope. Did it go anywhere? Nope. Did I get laid? Nope. Does it matter? It does not.

All day long we would drive around, doing our jobs and scoping out wandering and walking women. All day long, “Chris” would disqualify her for “reasons.” On the other hand, I would say she was “good enough, would bang.”

All day long, he would pull out his “list” of exclusions. All day long I would say “She got my dick hard, she’s a 10.” (h/t to BullRush.)

“Chris” mentioned to me that he has decided to try out online dating. With his list of requirements and all of his reasons to exclude, do you think he’ll fair well? I don’t. I think he’ll get discouraged and give it up and go back to whatever it is that he does to meet women. Trust me, he’s not doing “cold approach.”

Who do you think is having a great time meeting, dating, and fucking women? Who do you think is sucking at it?

At the time that I’m writing this, I’ve got my belly dancer, I just met a woman that I’ll call my “soccer mom,” (she fucking HATES that) and I have no less than 4 others in the early stages of texting and conversation. Two of them look really promising right now, but we will see. If I can get them off of their asses, off of the couch, and in front of me, their asses are mine.

If you can get beyond your own nose, if you can get beyond your bullshit lists of exclusion and imaginary ideals. If you can just find one or two things that you find attractive about them, you might stand a chance.

Or you can keep finding reasons to exclude them. She’s not a “quality woman.” “She’s not ABC or XYZ.” “She’s too (insert whatever bullshit here.) And you can keep stepping on your own dick. How’s that working out for you, bud?

Or you can decide that she’s “good enough.” At least for that moment. And you can decide that you’re “good enough,” too. At least for that moment. And who knows where you’ll end up?