I believe that men have an innate desire to help people out, especially women. The term “Captain Save a Ho” exists for a reason. I’ve seen guys get into the middle of arguments and fights between another man and a woman and I’ve watched some of those fights “go south” for the guy trying to do the intervention. Worst case scenario, the would-be “savior” ends up getting himself seriously injured or killed. I’ve seen women go from being the “victim” to turning on the guy who is trying to break the fight up. Now the would-be “hero” is getting his ass kicked by both the guy and the woman.

I’ve also seen people that are hell-bent on their own self-destruction. I’ve seen friends and family members get involved and try to help or to try and “save” the guy from himself. There’s a definition for that. It’s called “enabling.”

Many times, those that are doing some form of destructive behavior don’t actually want to be saved from themselves. Many times it’s a form of attention seeking and validation. By you giving them help or giving them assistance, you are actually encouraging them to continue their destructive behavior. You are rewarding the wrong thing. Honestly, most people won’t listen to you anyway. They want to do what they want to do because they can. Also it’s probably something that they have been doing for some time and it has gotten them positive results in the past.

You have to let them burn.

My ex-wife is a great example of this. She was a master of playing the “victim card.” She would talk shit about her family, about how so-and-so picked an abusive boyfriend and that the guy treated the family member like shit, and how the family member should leave the guy, and so on and so forth.

The thing is, all of her shit talking would get back to the family member(s) in question. It always does. Of course the family member(s) were none too pleased to hear what my ex-wife had to say. Drama would ensue, feelings would be hurt, and my ex-wife would end up in tears, saying things along the lines of “Why are they attacking me? I did nothing wrong. I just wanted to help.” Poor me indeed.

The thing is, the family member chose who they chose. Belittling the choice is saying a lot about the person who made the choice.

Going a bit back in time, I remember one day looking at the things that my ex-wife was doing and a realization came over me:

“She a 41 year old woman who has been doing these behaviors most, if not all, of her life. She does it because it has worked for her. She’s not going to change, because why would she? It’s benefited her.”

That’s when I decided to get divorced.

I realized that she wasn’t going to change and that if we kept going the way we were going, she was going to take me down with her. I could literally see the end of the road and what it would entail if I kept going down that road, so I got out.

I realized that she needed to burn and that the greatest thing I could do for her was let her burn. Maybe she would realize what she was doing and change that up and do something else. Maybe she wouldn’t and she would keep burning. Either way, it wasn’t and isn’t my problem anymore. (I hear from mutual acquaintances from time to time, and she’s still doing the same old shit, she’s still burning. Not a surprise.)

Sometimes you have to let them burn.

Every once in a while, I see a meme on social media that goes something like this:

“If you had a chance to talk to your younger self, what would you tell them?”

The truth is, I wouldn’t tell my younger self a damn thing. That younger me had all the answers and had it all figured out and wouldn’t listen to an “old guy” like me anyways, so why bother? Why waste the time and the breath? It would fall on deaf ears anyway.

That’s how it is for most people that I’ve encountered. They don’t want advice, not really. They want to be told that whatever they are doing is okay and that everything will work out. They don’t want to be told that their lives are exactly the way they are because of the choices that they have made. They don’t want to actually improve or change their lives, they want the people and the situations around them to change.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Insanity indeed.

I’m a big fan of letting them burn and this includes myself. First-hand experience is often the best teacher. Most of what I know, what I guess you could call wisdom, is what I’ve learned first-hand. I’ve made plenty of mistakes over the years and I’m positive that I’ll make many more as time goes on. But that’s what life is about isn’t it? Trying things out and seeing what results you will get? See if what you’re doing is working out for you or not? The awareness you need to have though, is to realize when something is not working out the way you thought it would, and then do it differently or do something else entirely. Keep doing it over and over the same way and expecting a different outcome? Yeah, you’re insane. You get to burn.

In the recent past, I have walked away from most of my online dating and swipe apps. Why? Because I wasn’t getting the results that I wanted. It was a huge waste of time for the little results that I got. I got caught up in swiping and liking and sending messages to only get little to nothing in return. The women that “matched” with me or “liked” me? Not my type of women. Not the women that I’m attracted to or desire. But doing the dating apps, doing the likes and the swipes and looking at the pictures and reading all the profiles, it felt like I was accomplishing something, but in reality I was just spinning my wheels and wasting my precious time. Time that I could have been doing something more meaningful and more productive to me. Time that I will never get back. I was setting myself on fire and burning gloriously. I definitely got to burn.

It’s a far better use of my time to meet women in the real world, in real time. That way I can approach the women that I find attractive and I’ll get immediate feedback as to whether she is interested in me or not. Either way I’ll know sooner than later and I won’t be wasting my time. I’m not saying “Don’t use dating apps,” I have. Do they “work?” They can. Don’t let it be your only means for dating though. Exercise every and any options you have.

Nowadays when it comes to other people, I don’t give out free advice. I’ll just nod my head, smile, and agree with whatever they are saying. Nobody wants unsolicited advice, and most people will treat free advice like it is. Nowadays if people want my advice, they will pay me for it. People tend to value and listen to what you have to say when they are paying for it, and pay for it they will.

They still get to burn though. Whether they take my advice or not, I’ll happily take their money and be on my way.

And that “damsel in distress?” If I’m not having sex with her, she most definitely gets to burn. And even if I am having sex with her, I’ll probably let her burn as well, as unpleasant as that may be, because first-hand experience is most often the best teacher.