Morality and Biology

affection art backlit couple

Recently I’ve been listening to Sex at Dawn and Mating in Captivity while I’ve been out and about doing my route. (Hey it rhymes!) Both audio books have given me a lot of food for thought.

A lot of people have decried and discredited Sex at Dawn, saying that the research is biased and that the author’s have their own agenda. I would agree with the agenda part for sure, some of their language that they use and the way that they write (or in this case, the way that it was narrated) makes an agenda very apparent. I’ve seen and heard that there are other books and whatnot that, at the very minimum, refute a lot of what the author’s had to say. (Sex at Dusk comes to mind, as well as Promiscuity.)

There is a “statement” of sorts that the authors of Sex at Dawn mentioned several times throughout the book that got me to thinking though, and it goes something like this:

If monogamy is our “natural” state, if it is our “natural” sexual strategy, then why do we need to enforce it?

We’ve had years of religion and family forcing monogamy down our throats. We’ve enacted laws, both past and present, that either try to curtail “extramarital activities,” or provide punishments for those who get “caught.” We’ve even got tax break incentives for people to get married.

If monogamy is our “natural” sexual state/strategy, then why adultery? Why “cheating?” Why the “cock carousel?” Why do we need to enforce monogamy if that is our natural state? Why is it both men and women usually end up having multiple partners over the years?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe monogamy is our natural state. At least it’s not mine. The idea of being with just one woman for the rest of my life, at least sexually, doesn’t really appeal to me. I’m glad for the experiences that I have had, and intend to have more before I’m done.

My argument, my complaint, is with the fact that bias and morality end up in research when it comes to damn near everything. I know that confirmation bias is a real thing. I know that we as human beings, as people, are not infallible and that we end up usually looking for things to confirm our ideas, our outlooks if you will, instead of actually seeking “the truth.” It just gets so frustrating when you want to learn about a subject and it seems that for every article, or paper, or what-have-you, there is another article, paper, etc., that refutes it.

Sex at Dawn cites a lot of studies and research that points to the notion that we as human beings aren’t naturally inclined to monogamy. Apparently Sex at Dusk (I haven’t read it yet, so I don’t know for certain. It’s on my next to read list) refutes a lot of what Sex at Dawn had to say.

That seems to be the problem with a lot of “research” these days, and maybe it always has been this way. One study or finding points at one thing, and then another points in a totally different direction, refuting the orginal premise. Who is “right?” Who is “wrong?”

I just want to find the truth. That’s all I’m looking for, is the truth. What is, instead of what “ought to be” or what “should be.” This is what I find so frustrating with many things and is why I tend to “go off” on moralists and purists. I don’t want your morality, I just want the facts. I want the truth. Stop selling me your agenda and just show me the information that points to how things are.

This is why I take issue with the “patriarchy” and TradCon crowd. I don’t have a problem with their message as a whole, but I do have a problem when they are offering it up as “the truth” when clearly you can see, on a daily basis, that the only real patriarchy that exists in the United States and in the West today is the State. If monogamy and marriage were the “natural ways” of us being, then why no-fault divorce? If patriarchy really exists in our modern times, then why do men get divorce raped and have no authority in their marriages?

Again I ask, if monogamy is our “natural sexual strategy,” then why all of the laws and whatnot that enforces it? If monogamy was our “natural state,” then wouldn’t we be doing it as a whole? Why would we need laws and social or cultural customs to enforce it? We don’t need laws and codes of enforcement in order to make us take a shit or to eat, so if monogamy is “natural,” why the enforcement, and why do we as a whole seem to be going against what is supposed to be biologically natural for us?

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The Numbers Were Down

white graphing paper

Dwayne sat hunched over his computer monitor, looking at the screen. He had been sitting and staring at it for more than ten minutes. In that time, and no matter how hard he wanted it to be different, the numbers hadn’t changed.

They were down.

His course sales had fallen off dramatically. His online accountability club was losing memberships faster than he could gain them. Even his old friend, Tennessee said that things were looking grim. “It’s been a tough year Pard.”

“It sure has, Tennessee. What do you think can be done about it?”

“I don’t know for sure Pard, but maybe we ought to come clean and own our shit and admit we fucked up. Maybe we backed the wrong guys.”

Dwayne sat and thought about it long and hard.

“No Tennessee, I don’t think that’s the answer. I can’t do that. I’m just going to keep looking the other way and pretend that what happened didn’t happen.”

“I get it Pard, it’s hard to eat shit and then some. So what do we do?”

Dwayne felt an icy chill run down his back, he was thinking about how he had quit his job to focus on his online club and to making courses. His wife couldn’t work at the moment, she was in the final trimester of her pregnancy. She was eight months along and could go into labor at any moment. She had complications during the last pregnancy and their son had been born a month premature.

Dwayne pulled up a spreadsheet. It showed the amount of money they had in the bank versus the amount of money that they owed. The amount owed was much higher than what they had available.

Tennessee was staring at Dwayne intently, watching his every move. Normally the older man was a rock, steadfast. The lines of worry that crossed his face unsettled Dwayne, he was used to the older man being an anchor. It was scary seeing the older man in the shape he was; like a trapped animal.

“I don’t know just yet Tennessee, but I’ve got to figure something out, the mortgage is coming up, the truck payment is overdue, and then there’s Maggie…” He trailed off.

Tennessee nodded his head, sat back and sighed. Then he snapped his fingers and said, “I’ve got it!”

Dwayne looked at the older man eagerly.

“Hand me your laptop there Pard.”

Dwayne handed the laptop over to Tennessee. Tennessee then logged onto his social media account and typed, “All the guys who have met me and have talked to me have gotten their bang for their buck. Pure value, hands down.” Then he hit send.

Tennessee handed back the laptop to Dwayne with a smile. “There we go Pard, I think we’ll weather this storm.”

Dwayne put the laptop back on the kitchen table, and opened up his own social media account. “I hope you’re right Tennessee. I don’t know what I’m going to do if the course sales and the accountablity club keep dropping off. I would hate to have to go and ask for my job back.”

“I hear ya Pard.” Tennesse told Dwayne, patting him on the back.

Dwayne looked at his social media account. “Goddammit, why can’t these guys just fucking forget about the shit that happened before? Why can’t they just let it go?”

Already there were what seemed like thousands of mentions of Dwayne’s name and guys asking him why he was turning a blind eye to the antics of his online friends.

Tennesee looked and winced. “It’s getting pretty bad Pard, what are you going to say or do?”

Dwayne rubbed his hand across his face, feeling the stubble rasp under his palm.

“I know what to say,” he said. Then he began to type.

“Fatherhood is about taking care of business and handling your shit,” The keys on the keyboard clicked. “Here’s my son crushing it at the hockey game on Saturday.” Dwayne uploaded a photo of his oldest son in his jersey, with a hockey stick in hand. “I couldn’t be more proud of him.” Dwayne pressed send.

“We just keep ignoring it, Tennesse. We have to.” Dwayne said as he looked at his friend.

An alert on the computer grabbed Dwayne’s attention. He clicked over to his online club account to see what the notification was.

Another two members had unsubscribed.

Both wanted refunds.

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Authenticity and Anonymity

photo of guy fawkes mask with red flower on top on hand

I’m sitting here drinking my third beer of the day and it’s already afternoon. Yeah you can’t drink all day if you don’t start drinking in the morning. I’ve been thinking about recent developments with the guys that I associate with online. What a bunch of magnificent bastards, each and every one of them. The funny thing is, most of them are totally anonymous. At least to the common masses and the riff raff. And yet they are some of the most authentic and genuine people that I’ve had the pleasure to get to know and interact with.

I know I’ve touched on anonymity before, so I’m not going to beat that dead horse too much. I do have to say that these guys that are running full-on anonymous, not only do they say what’s on their mind, they have to be some of the most authentic guys I’ve met. Way more authentic than some of the other accounts and people that I’ve followed who choose to show their faces and put their names out there.

I keep thinking about a post that TJ Martinell wrote for Masculine Geek. He titled it, “Authenticity Is The Future Coin Of The Realm.” I keep coming back to this post that he wrote, it’s like a piece of food stuck in my teeth, a “thorn in my side,” if you will. Not because what he wrote about isn’t true, but because it is true. The more technology advances and evolves, the easier it is for us to connect with one another, but it’s also easier to lie about who and what we are, and therein lies the problem.

We are social creatures looking for connection. Whether it be shooting the shit, expressing varied ideas, or looking to meet up with someone in real life and go out, have a drink, eat some food, and ultimately, hopefully, hop in the sack with someone and share ourselves sexually with them, it’s what we do.

Authenticity is what we ultimately seek I think. We want “something that is real.” I know I do. It doesn’t matter what form that connection is, but I want it to be “real.” To be genuine. To be authentic. I want to know that the people that I’m dealing with are indeed who they say they are, that they are expressing themselves however they do, but that they are indeed expressing who they actually are. Differences of opinion and moralities are fine by me, I’m not looking for an echo chamber or a clone of myself. I’m looking for you to be you, raw, warts and all.

You guys have no idea how frustrating it is for me to have all these thoughts and ideas swirling around in my head like a tornado, all screaming to be let out at the same time, and for me to try and get them all down here, and to hopefully have them make some sort of sense and have some sort of coherency. I worry more about, “do you fucking understand what I’m trying to say here?” than anything else. I can’t even begin to type fast enough to get this all out.

Hey techno-creator guys, it would be great if you could create an app or something that would literally be able to read my thoughts and spit them out here as fast as they show up for me, and to have them make some sort of sense. Could you get on that for me? I promise you, I’ll buy it if you do.

Anyways, back to anonymity. I’ve found an app or a site, I’m not really sure what it is to be exact. It’s both, but it’s not either really. It’s about as anonymous as you can get on the interwebs though. It’s become my guilty pleasure. I’m watching people say shit, under the guise of total anonymity, and they are being raw and real. All their dirty little secrets, all their hopes, dreams, and desires, all on public display. And the replies. Oh the replies. And then there is the private chats….

All these people saying what’s truly on their minds, because nobody knows who they really are. It’s messy. It’s sweaty. It’s high drama sometimes. It’s fucking brutal. And it’s who we are. We aren’t all clean, spotless, and shiny. We are a beautiful fucking mess. We swear, we fear, we attack sometimes. We smell. We sweat, and we are insecure. It’s all out there in full glory on display. And I love it.

I’m quasi-anonymous in the respect that I don’t reveal my exact location or my last name. My last name is so common though, that if anyone was to want to look for me, it would be like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. I put my real first name and my face out there though as a way of showing my authenticity. It’s also a form of exhibitionism I guess. I like having it out there. Maybe it’s a throwback to my younger days when I played guitar and had a band.

What’s the name of this app and/or site? First rule of fightclub is…

I’ve probably already said too much about it. I don’t know why I’m being possessive about it, but I am. Maybe if you are in my “inner circle,” I’ll let you know what I’m talking about and where it is, but for the common riff raff, nah. Figure it out for yourselves.

Here’s the question of the day for you:

How do we know when someone is being authentic? TJ talked about it in his essay. Did you read it?

The truth is, authenticity is something that has to happen over time. I think this is what the guys are talking about when they talking about “vetting.” It takes time to verify if someone is being authentic or not.

I strive for authenticity in myself because it is what I would like from others. What you see on my YouTube channel is who I am. It’s pretty much the same and consistent when I’m on Masculine Geek. It’s also who I am when I’m doing Red Evenings with Jack Napier. You’ll also see it show up on Twitter. I’m a clown sometimes. I’m an ass sometimes. I’m probably the guy, that when it comes down to it, I’m probably the poster boy of what NOT to do if you want to do better in your life. And yes, that was a shameless plug for all the things that I’m currently involved in.

You want to see Men being authentic? Go watch this video, and this video, for starts. That’s guys being authentic.

What’s the takeaway from this ramble? Be authentic. Whatever that is, be that. Be the Villain. Be an asshole. Be the serious guy if that’s you. Be the clown. Be whatever it is, but just be authentic. Even if you choose anonymity, be authentic. It works out better for you if you do.

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