Failing? Or Failure?

I saw this tweet/poll the other day and of course, I answered it. I remember more the girls I have slept with than the girls that I have failed to sleep with. In more recent times, there’s only been one woman that I “failed” to sleep with that sticks out in my mind, and that was Sheila. The only reason that she sticks out to me is because she hit all of my physical buttons. She was short, petite, in shape, and didn’t have any children. However, her red flags were more than I could deal with, especially when all I wanted to do was bang. I’m reasonably certain that I could have banged her if I had put more time and energy into pursuing her, but the ROI wasn’t worth it to me.

Did I “fail?” If by failing you mean, I didn’t get what I wanted which was to have sex with her, then yes, I failed. But does that make me a failure? No.

This may come as a surprise to some of you out there, but I fail at something, sometimes many somethings, several times a day. I fuck shit up constantly, I don’t always get whatever it was that I was after, I fail and I get up, dust myself off and I go at it again. I learn from my failings and I learn to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Sometimes I learn that whatever it was that I was after wasn’t worth the price of admission. Sometimes I’m lazy and I just can’t be bothered because I don’t really want it that bad. Sometimes things are totally out of my control and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but admit defeat and do a tactical withdrawal and either go at it from a different direction or just let it go entirely.

Every woman that I have had any form of relationship with, I have learned something. Every woman that I didn’t have a relationship in one form or another, I learned something. I’m always failing and I’m always learning. But I’m not a failure.

It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to try something and fuck it up. It’s okay to not get what you were going after. It happens. It’s not okay to just give up and consider that somehow it’s you that is completely the problem. Giving up is failure. Failure is when you assume it’s something about you and you can do nothing about it. It becomes omnipresent, static, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s not about you, it is you.

Guys bitching that they can’t get laid because they are short are failures. They are making something that is completely out of their control their issue. Might as well just give up. If only you were taller, that would fix everything. Except it doesn’t. And women in general don’t give a fuck about your height. Not nearly as much as you do.

I’m not throwing shade at this guy for his comment to that poll. The truth is, I happen to really like this guy as far as being internet acquaintances goes. I’m also not going to try to read his mind. Why he focuses on his losses is anyone’s guess but his. He’s the only one that truly knows why he chooses to focus on the ones that got away versus the ones that he succeeded with. Does he think he is a failure? Hard to say for sure, but it appears that way to me. His last line “But I can still see the faces of all the attractive girls I’ve approached that I ultimately wasn’t good enough for,” tells me enough. I don’t know his situation, I don’t know the context, the nuance, and the details of his situation. In short, I don’t know enough about him to come to a solid decision as to what is going on here. It’s mostly a wild guess on my part but his tweet stood out to me. I like his honesty and personally, regardless of what he thinks or doesn’t think of himself, I don’t consider him a failure. Whatever he’s doing isn’t working is all. Maybe it’s time for him to try something different. Whether that be approaching women differently in different venues, or even moving to another town, city, state, or country. He has options whether he can see them or not. And if he doesn’t have options, it’s on him to create options for himself. I’m sure he’ll do just fine in the long run.

How does he know “he wasn’t good enough for them?” Because he didn’t have sex with them? Maybe it wasn’t about him. Maybe she (or they) had boyfriends, were married, in a relationship that they were happy with, on their periods, just broke up with somebody, were lesbians, or just weren’t interested at the time. God knows what and why women do what they do. They don’t know and we definitely don’t know, so who cares? Maybe they like guys from another race. I’ve had that happen to me. Met a gal years ago that I found hot and wanted to bang. Turns out she liked guys from another race. If I had been of that race I would have been in. Instead I wasn’t and that was that. It wasn’t personal and it wasn’t about me. She liked what she liked. It’s funny, but women have preferences and have “types,” just like we do.

The truth is, one woman, when it comes to the physical mechanics of sex, feels pretty much like the next one. There’s no such thing as bad pussy, just some better than others. This is why I didn’t put a lot of energy, time, or effort into pursuing Sheila. I know that she would feel pretty much like the next one or the one before her when I would have been up inside her. It was the price I would have had to pay in order to get to that sex that turned me away. Don’t get me wrong, if she would have been DTF the night I went out with her, I would have had sex with her, she was that hot to me. All of the logistical bullshit that I would have had to deal with in order to get her there on date #2 or more was more than I wanted to deal with though. So I simply reached out to her, got a sort of non-committal text from her, told her “Ah, okay,” and then left it in her court to see where it would go. Turns out it went nowhere, and that’s okay by me because there’s always another woman right around the corner.

Would I bang her today if she reached out to me? Probably not. Not unless she was willing to do most, if not all of the heavy lifting to make it happen. I have other options so there’s no sense in crying over spilled milk or a missed opportunity.

You ultimately have to decide if you have failed or if you are a failure. One is a lesson and it’s really the only way that we learn and sometimes we learn quick from it. The other one is a state of being where you have little to no control over it and it is usually a static state and part of your personality or your identity. Failing is okay and you’re going to fail, with whatever you do, especially in the beginning. The other is an identity complex and has more to do with your ego than anything else. One you can learn from, the other allows you to be a victim. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

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Women, Relationships, And Onions

Women and Relationships

I saw something interesting the other day on Twatter. Some guys I follow happen to follow a different guy who decided to write a blog post about “Investing In Genuine Desire.” What got me interested in trying to read this particular post was some of the replies to the author, this one in particular:

I know I’ve wrote about this before, but I’ll be damned if I can find it at the moment, so I’m going to sum up the most salient points.

Why do women leave? For every woman, or man for that matter, that leaves, they will have a reason that is unique to them and to you. Maybe she left you because you were a fat piece of shit with nothing going on in your life. The next woman left because you lost weight and became a skinny piece of shit. Point is: both left for their own reasons.

The real truth of women leaving is twofold:

1. They left because they wanted to.

2. They left because they could.

End of story. Trying to find out “why” isn’t going to change anything and it isn’t going to prevent a future woman from leaving if she so desires. Trying to mitigate her leaving is putting yourself in her “frame” and it smacks of covert contracts on your part.

If anything, you should be so busy with things in your life that if she leaves, it’s not going to be the end of the world. Sure it will be disappointing, sure it will hurt. That’s normal. You’ll be too busy to be worrying too much about it if it happens though. You have a life right?

Women and relationships are kind of like onions. Sometimes they stink, sometimes they taste really good and add flavor to your life, and sometimes they will make you cry.

They are also like onions in the way that an onion doesn’t have a core. We guys have this fascination with trying to get the “root” or the “core” of the matter. This includes sex, relationships, and everything in between. Hell, I just tried to read an approximately 2000 word essay about “Investing in Genuine Desire.”

I say tried, because I couldn’t finish it. The author is way overthinking things.

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.” – Oscar Wilde

He had a lot of interesting labels and terminology, but when I finally tapped out and cried uncle, it was because he’s peeling back the onion only he’s going to find out that there is no “core.” There is no “truth” to the mystery that he’s created for himself and that he’s trying to unravel.

Keep digging at women to understand them and eventually you will, but you won’t be able to love them anymore. The beauty, the mystery, the chemistry, all of it will be gone. Same goes for relationships. Pick them apart long enough and there will be nothing left in your hands but wisps and ashes.

Ideally, your life should be so full of interesting things to do and to see that you won’t have time to ask questions like what the author was asking. The guy has too much time on his hands if he has time to write a 2000 word essay on “Investing in Genuine Desire.”

If you have the time to sit around and think, “It took her two hours to text me back, so I’ll wait four hours before I text her back.” You have too much time on your hands. I work all day, write blog posts, create and edit videos and do live streams as well as find time to have sex and date. I don’t have time to sit around and wonder why she did or didn’t text me back and why it did or didn’t take “x” amount of time. I’m too fucking busy to worry about that. My girl will text me when she wants and I’ll get back to her when I get the time and get a chance. I’m not worried or thinking about what she is or isn’t doing.

You want to get genuine desire from her? Have a life that is more interesting than hers. That’s it. You don’t have to be “The World’s Most Interesting Man,” you just need to have a life that is more interesting than hers. And have you seen most women today?

Sorry ladies, I’m not trying to shit on you, but most of you don’t have fuck all going on in your lives. Most of you are outright boring. So just be more interesting than she is. That’s it. There’s your “hypergamy switch” for you.

Instead of sitting around overthinking things like you usually do, why not keep it simple, stupid?

Like Oscar Wilde said, “Women are made to be loved, not understood.” So stop trying to understand them and just love them. Enjoy them because they are there. Have fun with them, be fun for them, fuck them, and enjoy your time with them because one day it will be over. It could be that she decides to leave, it could be that you decide to leave, it could be that one of you dies. There’s no guarantees in life that you will outlive or outlast the other.

Have a life that is interesting. If your life is more interesting than hers, she’ll stick around. At least for awhile. Remember, “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” And your “turn” could last for 50+ years. Or it could be just one hour of one day.

Stop overthinking things and get a hobby. Ideally you should be too busy to be worrying about if she desires you or not. Your life should be so full that it’s great if she’s there, but it’s fine if she isn’t. Ideally you should be exhausted by the time you fall into bed.

Stop peeling back the layers of the onion because if you do, you’ll find the “truth” is that there is no “core,” no “center,” no “truth,” no “answer.” Just that it is, and now that you’ve peeled it back into oblivion, you’ll have nothing in your hand but shreds and shards of what was.

Stop trying to prevent her from leaving or losing her desire. Stop trying to control and manipulate. You can’t keep her around if she wants to go and if you do it’ll be considered kidnapping. Also, why would you want to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around you? Better to cut your losses and move on.

There’s always more women. Always.

For God’s sake, stop worrying about “investing in her desire and in the relationship and getting her to invest herself into you and into the relationship.” Invest in yourself. Invest in your life.

Stop trying to anticipate and to control and just Let. Go.

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Yes, we are doing what you think we are doing.

This is “Teriyaki.” I call her that because of an inside joke between us. I met her back in July of this year. It all started with this text:

Screenshot_20200720-160444_LI (2)
The text that started it all.

It’s been a lot of fun hanging around her and getting to know her, and I can’t complain about the sex, there’s been plenty of it, and she’s pretty open-minded about trying and doing new and different things.

The woman has gone through some things in her life, some of them are totally out of her control, because sometimes shit just does happen, and some of the things are her doing. Watching her as she talks about those things, what she has learned about those things and herself, I think she’s seriously wanting to change her life around compared to when she was much younger. Let’s just say that her actions are speaking louder than her words when it comes to cleaning her life up.

I’m bringing her up today because of a post that I read earlier. Madd Monk is a blog that I follow and I read when he posts something. I haven’t read all of his stuff yet, but from what I gather, he’s a younger guy who got divorced, took the Red Pill, has been owning his shit, and has been learning game and spinning plates to one degree or another. I like reading his blog because he’s actually a really good writer. I feel like I’m right there, listening to him say what he’s got to say. His blog is mostly about his different adventures with the different women that he’s met over the last several months and how he feels about them and about himself. He’s definitely a guy who is blogging his own personal journey with women.

On one of his latest posts, he had this to say:

I genuinely enjoy Midwest’s [one of his girls -ed.] company whether we’re having sex or not. That’s enough for me to keep her around. I don’t feel drained when I’m around her.

I get where he’s coming from. While I enjoy random, casual sex with what my ex-wife referred to as my “strange women,” I also enjoy them for their company. I don’t always have to have sex, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood, although it doesn’t take much for me to get in the mood. That’s one of many things that I like about Teriyaki. We don’t just have sex. We have conversations and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. She’s actually fun to be around.

Nipple Alert

One of the things that I noticed pretty early on with her is that she is comfortable with silence. She doesn’t feel the need to fill up the empty space between us with a lot of conversation and sound. When I’m working on something like a video or a blog post, she’s perfectly content to do her own thing. She doesn’t need constant communication and constant talk. Just being in some form of proximity is good enough for her.

I like that about her. When I was married, my ex-wife couldn’t stand silence and so she constantly talked. She once told me, “There wasn’t an unspoken thought in her head,” and she wasn’t kidding. Having to constantly listen and keep track of all the babble that came out of that woman’s mouth was exhausting to say the least. I tried for a while, but eventually gave up as it became too much for me to keep track of everything going on in my own head, let alone her head. The only time that my ex-wife would shut up was when one of her favorite TV shows was on. Then at least I wouldn’t have to hear her ramble on about whatever was rattling around in her head. Until it was commercial time, then let the onslaught commence. That’s how it was for the entire duration of our marriage.

My ex-girlfriend was good with silence and was good with doing her own thing too. I didn’t have to listen and keep up with every little thought that ran around in her head. Teriyaki is no different. I guess I’m doing something “right.” It goes to show that you can teach an old dog new tricks.

My whole point of writing this post isn’t to wax poetically about Teriyaki, but it is to say that I know that I look for more than “just sex.” I may not be looking for monogamy and “playing house,” and while a fast “pump and dump” is nice on occasion, I mostly look for a stronger connection than just a sexual one. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons that guys will readily and willingly jump into monogamy and commitment isn’t just because of thirst and the availability of easy sex, but is also because they sometimes stumble upon someone, at least early on, who they genuinely enjoy being around, or they think that they enjoy being around. Someone that they can have a conversation and do stuff with as well as have sex with.

I’m pretty sure that this is the case to one degree or another, but I felt it needed to be said. Sometimes the guys on the internet get so caught up in “only banging 9’s and 10’s” and what is or isn’t “Alpha,” and painting green lines on pictures, and pointing out that the more you lean, the bigger simp you are, that they forget why they are there.

It isn’t about leaning or not leaning, it isn’t about what is or isn’t alpha, it’s about creating connections. Whether those connections only last for a few hours, or they last for years, it’s about creating connections.

Hopefully some of those guys that I previously mentioned will see this and read it and it’ll help them get themselves back on course.

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