Tag: relationship

What Are You Waiting For?

Rob SaysLeave a comment
man in red crew neck sweatshirt photography
What if you gave yourself permission to succeed?

You’ve chosen your direction, you’ve decided where you want to go, you’ve even decided when you want to go. And yet, you still stall and stay put.

What’s stopping you? Whose permission are you waiting on? 

Mom and Dad? Your boss? Your significant other? Who?

If you are sitting around waiting for someone to give you permission, I’ve got news for you.

You’ll be waiting a long time before that permission is granted. If ever.

What if the permission you’ve been waiting around for is only available from you? What would happen if you gave yourself permission to do whatever it is that you want to do? What would happen?

Do you think you would be able to go on with your life and do the things you want? Do you think you would be able to say the things you want? Do you think you just might have the relationships, both intimate and platonic, that you want?

Sitting around waiting for permission. Do you realize that you could sit around your entire life waiting for that permission? And it never comes?

Stop waiting around for someone else’s permission. If you have to ask someone else, the answer is usually going to be NO.

When I started this blog back in late 2016, I didn’t really give myself permission to do what I’m doing now. I didn’t take the blog seriously. I didn’t know for sure what direction that I was going to go. I hid behind an avatar and tried to stay as anonymous as possible about it.

I hid it from my friends, family, co-workers, everybody. Even myself at some times.

All through 2017 I was sporadic with posting on this blog. I would go months and months without posting a single thing, and then I would have a flurry of activity for a month or so, only to go back to nothing on end for a longer time period.

It wasn’t until late January of this year, 2018, that I decided to get serious about my blog. I decided I was going to post at least once a week. So I started doing that. I gave myself permission. I soon realized that I enjoyed what I was doing and that it was starting to create a response, so I upped it to twice a week. I gave myself permission to do that.

I then decided to change things up on Twitter. When I first started my Twitter account, it was an anonymous account with an anonymous avatar. Mostly I just trolled people and surfed nonsense. Most of the people I followed at that time had nothing of value to offer to me, and the same could be said of me to them.

I changed that up in February of this year and decided to go with my own name and changed my avatar to an actual picture of me. I dumped almost my entire list of who I was following and started over. Best decision I could have made. I gave myself permission.

The blog started getting some decent traffic on its own, I started following some really interesting and influential people on Twitter and things started to get clearer for me.

I gave myself permission to be me and start saying the things that I needed to say. And people started responding.

My Twitter feed is full of value now. I enjoy getting on and seeing what is going on there. I’m having conversations of impact with men and women that I respect. I’m learning things about myself, about them, and about life in general. I gave myself permission to have all of this.

I decided at the end of March of this year to start an e-mail list. I wanted to be able to interact with more people on a more personal level. To be able to share even more intimately than I do on this blog. Best decision I’ve made to date on that one. When I first started the e-mail list, I figured I would have it be a weekly or bi-weekly thing. That lasted a whole two weeks. Then I decided to make it a daily thing. From that time forward, I haven’t missed a single day of sending out something to my list.

That list continues to grow. My subscribers have become even more engaged with me. Man, it’s been awesome.

I was worried initially that doing a daily e-mail would be too annoying and spammy. Then I decided to hell with it, gave myself permission to do it anyway, and now I’m doing it.

Then I decided to resurrect my YouTube channel. I decided to start creating content there as well as here on my blog and on my e-mail list. I gave myself permission to do that as well.

My subscriber count there is nothing to brag about, but it’s starting to grow there as well. And I’m grateful for those that have subscribed, it tells me that they are finding something of value there as well.

I wondered and worried for a minute that I would run out of time, or worse that I would run out of things to say on all my different platforms. So far that hasn’t happened. I make the time to say the things I want to say for each platform that I want to say it on and I give myself permission to not worry so much about what I’m going to say.

Giving myself permission to not worry about what I’m going to say next has been huge. Now things show up. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking out my ass, not sure where I’m going to go with it, and that’s okay. It ends up going where it needs to go. I gave myself permission to let it go where ever it needs to go and let it end up being what it needs to be.

If I can do all of this while holding down a full time job with 50 hour workweeks sometimes, a part time side gig, a full time live-in relationship that just keeps getting better and better, and still find time to do stuff just for me, as well as doing a decent amount of self care and getting enough sleep, what do you think would be possible for you if you just gave yourself permission to do it?

 

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10 Years From Now

Rob Says2 Comments

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This is a follow up post to this post, right here.

My side job is reading Tarot cards for fun and profit. Most of my clients are women with a handful of men. Almost all of them want to know what’s going to happen in their futures. I don’t need to read cards, a crystal ball, or any other thing that is “woo-woo” to tell you your future.

What are you doing right now? (Besides reading this blog post.) What were you doing an hour ago? A day ago? A week ago? A month ago? A year ago? 5 years ago? 10 years ago?

Whatever you have been doing, that’s most likely what you are going to be doing in the future. That’s most likely what you are going to be doing in 10 years from now. Have you been living moment to moment, not thinking about your future? I’ve done it. It got me into a place that I didn’t want to be in. Overweight, unhappy, miserable, health on the verge of falling apart, eating junk food. That was me 10 years ago. A marriage that I settled for. A job I settled for. Real mediocre, real bland, real boring.

I woke up a couple years back because I could see my future. And it was more of the fucking same. I was going to keep on gaining weight, I was going to keep on eating the junk, I was going to still be “stuck” in a miserable marriage that was slowing killing me day by day, both emotionally and financially. I could see the ship sinking. I could see that there was no way to “save it.” My ex was perfectly content to eat, watch shit tv, not work, and spend my money on shit we didn’t need. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame her in the entirety. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, it was all my fault. I could have spoken up sooner, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” I could have gotten a better paying job, but I didn’t because I was comfortable. lazy.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I can see your future. Do you like to kick back and chill? More of the same for you. Do you like to drink, drug, and party? More of the same for you. Do you like to eat a bunch of shit? More of the same. I can see where you are going to be 10 years from now if this is your lifestyle. Your mental, physical, and emotional health are going to be in the toilet. If you are in a relationship now, it will be a different relationship 10 years from now. You’ll probably both be overweight with health issues, and probably pretty unhappy with yourselves and each other. If your partner is healthier and in better shape than you? You won’t have that relationship for long, guaranteed. And you know what else I can see in all of this? It’s all your fault. Every last bit of it. And you deserve it. Brutal I know. But I’m not here to tell you pretty little lies. I’m here to give you a dose of the truth.

While all of this can be your life 10 years from now, it doesn’t have to be. You can change it. It all starts with you asking a simple couple of questions. “Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Where do I want to be 10 years from now?” Be honest with yourself when you ask those questions. If you are leading a shit life now, it’s NOT going to magically change just because you asked a question. Wishing your life was different is the height of “magical thinking.” Wishing isn’t going to be enough. Visualizing is a good start, but when it comes right down to it, you’re going to have to get up off your ass and do something about it. Be honest with your answers. And then do something.

Get a membership and hit the gym if you are out of shape and fat. Ladies, you and I both know that men are highly visual. You want hot guys? Better become a hot woman. Men? I didn’t forget about you either. Just because women aren’t as visually stimulated as we are doesn’t mean you get a pass. Looks count.

Are you up to your ass in debt? Get that shit handled. Pay down your bills. Cut the fat in your budget. Get a cheaper cell phone plan, drop your cable provider, get a cheaper car, move into a cheaper place, ask for a raise or get a higher paying job, or work 2 jobs, or 3 jobs if necessary; sell a bunch of your shit that you aren’t using and don’t need. Stop buying some much goddamn stuff. All that shit you “think you need?” You don’t. Besides, it won’t fill that gaping hole that is inside of you. Only working on yourself can do that.

If the relationship you are in is making you absolutely miserable, get out of it. Seriously. Dump the dead-weight and move on. It will be better for all parties in the long run.

“But Rob! That’s so flippant and easy for you to say!” You’re right it is. Consider this though. Where you are at right now is your fault, you got yourself there, whether from poor choices and bad decisions, sitting around waiting for shit to “just happen,” letting other people call the shots, or whatever other excuse you come up with. Argue enough for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.

I owned my shit and did something about it. I lost a bunch of weight, I got a better paying job that is much less stressful. I got divorced. I cleaned out a ton of shit I didn’t need and was just hoarding. I cut a bunch of the bills out of my budget, I paid off a ton of debt and am in the process of finishing that up. I’m eating healthier, I’m working out. I’m not perfect, and neither are you. I don’t try to be anymore. I’ve still got work to do, and I’ve still got more shit to handle. But guess what? I’m handling it. I’m doing something about it. And I can see where I’m going to be 10 years from now.

The choice is yours. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? What’s it going to take to get you there?

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