Tag: marriage

Marriage

Rob Says8 Comments
couple engagement hands human
It’s a nice thought.

Let’s talk about marriage…

Before I get into the “meat of the matter,” let me start off with a couple of things:

I’m not against marriage as a whole.

I have been married and I was the one who initiated the divorce when it was time for that to happen.

My ex-wife did not take me to the cleaners in the divorce. If anything, I came out of it in a pretty good position. I wasn’t set back financially for decades because of the divorce.

We did not have children.

Now that I’ve put those things out there, let us continue…

I’ve seen a lot of guys, especially young guys, on Twitter in the recent past talking about wanting to get married. All I can think when I see their talks, yearnings, and longings, is:

Why? Why would you WANT to get married?

Why would you want to get married in today’s day and age? Do you not understand that when you get a state sanctioned license to get married, you are not only married to the person that you wanted to get married to, but you are also now married to the State? Ask me how I know.

You may be the “bread winner.” You may be the “head of the household.” You may be the “man in charge.” You may be the “patriarch.” You may be whatever you think you are, until you are not.

In today’s world of no-fault divorce, either party can end the marriage for any reason, or for no reason whatsoever. When that happens, you are done. I don’t care that you think you are the bread winner, the man, the patriarch, or whatever you think you are. You are none of those things if and when she decides to end the marriage.

Enter the State.

The true Patriarch of the household in the West is also the One True God, and that is the State. We as a society have deemed this so. Which also means that the State is the one that we have allowed to use force to enforce agreements, contracts, and disputes. You either file or she files for divorce, the State now gets involved. Especially if you have children. Even if you don’t get married, but you have children together, and one or both of you decide to split up, the State gets involved on behalf of your children.

Any religion that is a part of the West bends the knee to the State. If a particular denomination of a particular flavor of faith tries to intervene in a legal proceeding, which a divorce is, that church, ward, denomination, etc. can lose their tax exempt status because it was the State that granted them that status to begin with. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. No religion, at least in the West, is going to jeapordize that. So religion isn’t going to “save your marriage.”

Many years ago, there was a stigma for having children out of wedlock. The children were referred to as “bastards.” That stigma is all but gone in today’s modern world. Marriage used to mean that a man had some type of authority, at least in his own home. Today men have no authority, only responsibility. Again, I ask:

Why would you want to get married?

If women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment, why do you (I’m assuming that you are a man reading this) want to rush into commitment and potentially ruin yourselves financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. when you can have everything that a marriage offers, without having to actually get married? Why do you want to give up the only real authority and agency that you have?

You want to live together? You can do that without getting married. You want to offer insurance and other types of benefits to her? You can do that now without getting married. You want to have children? You can do that without getting married. The only thing that you can’t have without a marriage is a divorce.

The only “positive” that I can think of that you can only get from being married is certain tax breaks. Even those don’t add up to a lot. Not in the long run at least.

When I got married, the marriage license cost me $50.00 We had a simple ceremony in my house where we only invited close family and friends. I don’t remember what I paid for the justice of the peace to come out and preside over the ceremony, but it wasn’t more than a hundred bucks at the most.

When I filed for divorce, that filing alone cost me almost $400.00 Getting married is cheap and easy, getting divorce takes time and is expensive.

Like I said at the very beginning of this article, I’m not against the institution of marriage itself, but I am against it in its current incarnation.

You want to “make marriage great again?” You need to start at the State level and with the laws. If men are expected to be the providers of food, a house, safety, and security, what are the women supposed to bring to the table? Let’s make whatever that is legally enforceable.

I was 37 years old when I got married. I have no regrets about my marriage and I certainly have no regrets about my divorce. I was also in no hurry to get married. Young men, especially one’s in their twenties need to slow down and take your time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life before considering getting married, especially in today’s day and age. The risks are too high in many cases and the cost usually isn’t worth the price that you could end up paying.

You want to have an LTR? Fine, do that. You want to live together? Okay, maybe not your best option, but go for it. But get married? I would have to say don’t do it. Not unless you don’t have a problem with getting into bed with the State.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.

Jeremy Part 2

Rob Says3 Comments

jeremy-spoke-in-class-today-pearl-jam-1-600x450

I mentioned “Jeremy” in a prior post. I’m going to continue the tragi-comedy that is his life here. There’s been updates since I wrote the original post and published it.

The last time when we left off the story of our hero, “Jeremy” was still living with the woman and her two kids in a joint lease apartment. He was considering leaving her, and I even had suggested that that is what I would have done, if I had ended up in the same situation that he is currently in. Did “Jeremy” finally leave? Did he tell her to fuck off? Did “Jeremy” go scorched earth on her and set it all on fire?

No.

Not only didn’t he do any of what I just questioned, “Jeremy” is basically doubling down and wants to marry this woman. He’s waiting for the teenage daughter to become an adult (which is about another year or so from now) and then he wants to marry this woman.

“Jeremy” told me how he had a “talk” with his woman. He told me how he told her that he “didn’t feel appreciated for all of the things that he has done for her, her children, and their relationship.” He reasoned with her, he rationalized with her and with himself. Apparently things are going so well at the moment, he’s decided to marry her. She knows about this of course, because he’s told her.

I was done listening for the most part when he mentioned that he wants and is planning on marrying her. He thanked me for the advice that I had given him earlier. Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself, “when did I ever tell you to ‘man up and marry that ho?'” When did I ever tell him to sit down and have a “talk” with her and give her an ultimatum? When did I ever tell him to talk to her like she was a man? When did I tell him to try and reason with her?

I didn’t do any of those things. I didn’t tell him to do any of those things. I told him to get a different place to live in, change his phone number, and get the fuck out. That’s what I told him. I remember that, because I was there telling it to him. Apparently “Jeremy” is either two completely different guys, or he didn’t want to hear a thing I said.

Fuck it. “Jeremy” gets to burn. You can lead a horse to water and all of that.

It still amazes me to see grown men think and act like women are just better smelling, less hairy versions of men without penises.

Guys, women are NOT men. They never have been and they never will be men. They don’t think like men, let alone act like one. Get it through your thick skulls. You don’t talk to women like they are men. You don’t “reason” with them like you do with another man. Women don’t think and reason like men, and that’s because they aren’t men.

You will never cross that chasm. You will never truly understand how a woman thinks and why they think what they think and why they do what they do. Best give up trying to “get into their heads” and trying to understand their thought processes. Women themselves have admitted that they don’t know why they do the things they do.

Women can and do reason, they just do it differently than men do. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you let that shit go, the sooner you can get on with your life and be content. Women are going to women because they are women and that’s what they do.

Women do what they do because they can.

The only real power we have as men when dealing with women in today’s world is this:

The Takeaway.

Take away your attention. Take away your time. And if necessary and needed, take away your presence by walking out the fucking door. Stop throwing your time, money, and attention at someone who hasn’t earned it or is behaving badly. Stop doing the “Sunken Cost Fallacy” thing. Your time and as far as I’m concerned, your dignity is more important than how much money and “work” you’ve thrown at a woman.

Newsflash: She doesn’t care how much time, money, and effort you have thrown at a relationship with her. That’s your job, it’s expected. Stop looking for relational equity, there is none, there never was any, and there will never be any.

“Jeremy” is giving up the one thing that he truly has in his situation,  and that is the ability to walk away. He is giving it up and deciding on staying in his chains of bondage that he put on himself. “Jeremy” truly gets to burn.

When “Jeremy” mentioned that he wants to marry this gal, something inside me “snapped” and then died. I turned and looked at him and said with a smile,

“You’re gonna marry her? Good for you man! Sounds like you found your One! Your soulmate! I’m happy for you! Sounds like you guys were meant to be, and don’t worry about it, everything is going to work out just fine between you two.”

I need to stock up on matches and gasoline, it’s going to be a hot summer this year.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.