Tag: manosphere

Life Coaches And Relationship Experts

Rob Says4 Comments
man and woman doing yoga
Naval Gazing. That’s what you will get from a “life coach.” If you are lucky.

There’s a lot of things that have irritated me throughout my life, but the one that pisses me off the most, hands down, is the so-called “life coach.” The only thing that is worse than a “life coach,” is a “life coach and relationship expert.”

What pisses me off so bad about these people you ask? Why I’m glad you mentioned it! Let’s get right down to it shall we?

First off, there are zero (zilch, nada, 0, none, no) requirements to become a “life coach.” You don’t have to have any specialized knowledge. You don’t have to have any certification. You don’t have to have any licensing. You don’t have to have anything at all actually. All you do have to have, is to say, “Hey guys! I’m a fucking life coach!” That’s it. That’s all you need. Just say that you’re a “life coach,” and guess what?! You’re a life coach. Did you know that convicted felons can be “life coaches?” That’s how low the bar is. Last I checked, the only thing that a convicted felon was good at, was getting caught. They can’t legally own firearms or vote in the United States of America, but they can be “life coaches.” Keep that in mind if and when you are out “shopping” for a “life coach.”

Now in my own personal, first hand experience, I have yet to meet someone who claims that they are a life coach, that are actually doing better than me. Without exception, every life coach I have personally met, their lives are steaming piles of dogshit on top of a trainwreck. And I’ve met quite a few life coaches over the last few years. None of them are worth the business cards that they are handing out like candy. Not a single one of them.

Second thing about life coaches that bugs the shit out of me:

Who are they to tell you how to live your life? They aren’t you. They don’t have your experiences, they don’t live your life, they don’t have your skills, and trust me, the only skill I’ve encountered that they do have is the ability to bullshit themselves and you if you aren’t careful. Being a “life coach” is such a broad, vague, and nebulous thing. Think about it. Supposedly these people are claiming that they have the solutions to most, if not all, of your problems. I mean, they are “life coaches” right? So they are going to “coach” you on life! What makes them so fucking special? Seriously.

Would you ask a mechanic that doesn’t play basketball, how to play basketball? Would you ask a plumber how to code? Would you ask your grandmother how to drive a race car? I’ll bet you wouldn’t. Asking a “life coach” about anything is pretty much tantamount to what I just mentioned. If you wouldn’t ask your grandmother how to fly an airplane or how to shoot hoops, why would you ask a “life coach” how to do those things? Trust me, they don’t know how to do those things either. If they did, they would be shooting hoops professionally, flying airplanes, or driving race cars, not giving out “life advice.”

Does your life suck so bad that you are actually considering asking a “life coach” for advice? You’re better off going and getting a “psychic” reading for all it will help. You’ll get about the same advice, and probably a lot cheaper than what a “life coach” is offering you. In fact, the only thing you’re going to get out of a “life coach” is a lighter wallet. That’s it.

What’s the difference between an expert and a “life coach?”

An expert knows a very specific area, job, or skill very well. An NBA basketball player could probably teach you a thing or two about basketball. A computer programmer could probably teach you a thing or two about computers and possibly coding. But a “life coach?” You’ve got to be kidding me. “Life coaches” are people who don’t want to actually go out and get a job and do any real sort of work. They would rather tell you what to do instead of doing it themselves.

Now let’s talk about “relationship experts.”

These people are “life coaches” masquerading as if they know relationships well. Now, to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they do. Maybe they have been in a relationship for years and years on end. They probably know a thing or two. Problem is, your relationships, or lack thereof, isn’t going to be their relationships. They aren’t you. Their partner isn’t your partner. What has worked for them, may not in fact, work for you. Tread carefully here, your love life, or future love life may depend on it.

Would you trust the advice of someone who is currently single, but will tell you that they are a “relationship expert?” Who would you trust more, your grandparents that have been married for 50 years, or some person off of the internet that bounces from one relationship to the next?

This one is directed specifically to the Men out there:

The worst thing you could possibly do is go to a woman “relationship expert.” Don’t do it. For the love of your future children, your future wife, girlfriend, significant other, just don’t fucking do it. You’ll end up a beta orbiter at best. At best. At worst, you’ll end up pissed off, broke, confused, and bitter. Oh and alone. You want to know how to get good with women? Go find a man who is good with women, and talk to him.

This one is directed specifically to the Women out there:

I know you mean well. Truly I do. But if you love Men, truly love, adore, and cherish them, stop giving them advice on how to get women. Stop giving them advice on how to be a man. You are not a Man. You have never been one. You will never, and I mean never, be one. Just like we Men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, you have no idea, and you never will, what it’s like to be a Man. So knock it off. I know you come with good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Stop it. Why don’t you focus on working on you and on becoming the best woman you can be, and let us Men figure our own shit out?

Guys, we have sat at the knee of women for most of our lives. First it was our Mother’s, sisters, cousin’s, and aunt’s. Then we sat at the knee of our female teachers from K through 12. Then many of us sat at the knee of our female professors during college. And then we sat at the knees of our wives and girlfriends. It’s time for us to figure our shit out. Maybe the absolute last thing we need to hear from is another woman? Ladies, we love you and we got this. Thanks for your concern and your caring, truly. But we got this.

To wrap this up:

Realize that anytime you see or hear the words “life coach,” you are dealing with someone who has no credentials, no required licensing, probably no degrees, and even if they do, so what? I have a degree. A BS in fact. Do you know what BS stands for. BullShit. Do you know what an MS degree is? More Shit. And can you guess what PHD stands for? Piled Higher and Deeper. That was actually a quote from a professor that I had when I was in college back in the early 90’s.

Your life experiences are your own. Are you willing to hand over your money, time, and trust to someone that doesn’t really know you? Someone that hasn’t actually walked in your shoes? Someone that isn’t and wouldn’t be held legally responsible for giving you bad, or inaccurate information? Because that’s the thing with “life coaches” and “relationship experts,” you won’t necessarily be able to hold them legally accountable in the event that you take their advice and fuck your life up even worse than it already is.

I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to do, or how to live your life. I’m not you. I don’t have your experiences and the last time I checked, you aren’t me, so you don’t have mine. Chances are, you already know what you need to do. So just do it. Don’t bother wasting your time and your money on a “life coach.”

You want to learn specific skills? Fine. Go find someone that actually knows those skills and can show them to you on demand. That’s an expert. A “life coach?” Tell them to go pound sand.

 

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Be Selective

Rob Says1 Comment

man in grey hoodie standing on bridge over the expressway

Here’s something I learned awhile ago, and it has made my life so much better.

Be Selective.

Be selective about who you spend time with.

There are a lot of people out there that will just waste your fucking time. Apparently, they don’t have much or anything going on in their worlds, so they will want to be in yours and waste it.

I see it all the time in my side gig.

People come to me for advice about whatever it is that is going on in their world, I give them advice based on what I see, what I know, and what I’ve experienced. What do they usually do?

Nothing.

They shoot the shit, they waste my time. There is a positive here though. They pay me for my time. I don’t do that shit for free. Trust me on this one Men, if you are going to “waste” my time, you are going to pay me for it. I’m getting something out of it.

Be selective.

Choose who you spend your time with. If you aren’t getting anything of value out of it, don’t do it.

I get value out of these blog posts with you guys. I get value out of your feedback. I get value knowing that you are getting something from this, even if it’s only a laugh.

My circle of friends has gotten smaller and smaller over the years, that’s because my tolerance and patience for bullshit is damn near zero these days.

You know what though? My quality of life has just improved over and over. The friends that are still there? They are true treasures. I wouldn’t give them up for anything. I get massive value from them. I give them massive value in return.

The time wasters either are gone entirely, or they pay me for my time. Either way I win.

Be selective what you watch and what you read. You can waste a whole bunch of time there too. Not everything you watch has value. Not every book you read has gold.

Zero Tolerance. It’s been a buzz word in the corporate world for some time.

What if you extended that into your personal world?

Zero Tolerance for bullshit.

Zero Tolerance for time wasters.

Do that and see what happens.

You might surprise yourself.

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No Free Lunch

Rob Says3 Comments
assorted gift boxes on red surface
Beware the stranger that comes bearing gifts

I was at a car show with my Dad and his buddies the other day. It was great to get out of the house and get away from everything that has been going on in my life, even if it was just for a few hours. It was great to be able to sit down, soak in the sun, drink a few beers, crack a shit ton of jokes, and listen and tell stories.

My Dad and his buddies are “baby boomers.” Almost all of them are in their mid to late 60’s or even early 70’s now. The majority of them are retired, including my Dad. The majority of them are blue collar, working/middle class guys. They’ve destroyed their bodies doing physical labor in order to make a living and support/provide for their families. Many of them were in the military at one point or another. These guys are “stand up” guys. Most of them, I’ve known them for over 20 years. They would give you the shirt off of their back to help you out, and expect nothing in return.

None of these guys have a social media profile. None of them are on Facebook. Most of them have no idea about Twitter, or what a tweet even is. The bullshit and drama that I see online doesn’t even exist for these guys. Maybe they are on to something here.

Their concerns are about their health, their families, making sure they have enough money now that they are retired to do the things they want to do, and to insure that they have enough to keep them in the lifestyles that they have created for themselves and have become accustomed to. Oh and their cars. Can’t forget about those. Don’t get me wrong, these guys would sell every last car they have in order to pay the bills and keep food on the table. A lot of the guys, my Dad included, consider their cars to be investments of a sort. Buying, restoring, and in many cases, selling cars is a “side hustle” for my Dad. It’s been pretty profitable for him too.

Hanging out with these guys, watching them interact with each other and with “outsiders,” it’s pretty amazing. The joking around, the ball busting, the stories. The lack of caring for things that don’t affect them, I learn from them each time I’m around them. Sometimes it’s something that somebody said. Most of the time, it’s from watching what they do. How they act. How they carry themselves. You’re not going to get an idea of how a man carries himself by reading a tweet. You usually won’t get it in a picture either. Most of the time you have to be there and see it for yourself. You have to see it with your own eyes.

Now I’ve painted the picture for you. I’ve hopefully laid the backdrop down.

So there we are, sitting, drinking, bullshitting, and in walks “Steve.”

Steve is a nice guy. He’s not one of the “inner circle,” but he hangs around the periphery. Most of the guys know who he is, and they all tolerate him to a degree. Thing is though, Steve used to be an “inner circle” guy. He messed that up though.

Steve came in, shook hands, cracked jokes, and told stories with the best of them. And the guys would smile and nod and be polite. Then they would go back to their original conversations almost like Steve wasn’t there. Almost like he had never spoke. Almost like he didn’t exist.

When I met Steve years ago, he was an articulate, well spoken, exuberant guy. Still is. He would do all sorts of favors for you, hell, you didn’t even have to ask. He knew all sorts of people, had all sorts of connections, and would be what some would consider a “man of influence.” Problem is, Steve would do all sorts of things for you and introduce you to all sorts of other people, and then he would expect something in return. Usually it was something that wasn’t worth the “favor” that he did for you. Usually his “payment” was more expensive that whatever it was that he did for you.

Steve did this type of thing to pretty much all of the guys in my Dad’s group. That’s how he ended up on the perimeter. That’s how he got himself “outcast.” They guys didn’t kick him out per se, but they distanced themselves from Steve when they realized that his “gifts” had strings attached. They limited their interactions with him. They started refusing his “gifts,” because let’s be honest here, they weren’t “gifts” if they had strings attached.

Beware the stranger, or even the so-called friend who comes bearing gifts. Especially when you either don’t know them at all, or you don’t know them well. My Brother Ryan, he lives in Illinois at this time. I’ve known him for over 20 years. We’ve seen each other through some serious shit. I’ve had his back, and he’s had mine. He shows up on my doorstep with a gift in hand, I’m not going to think twice about it. He’s giving me something because he wants to. There’s no strings attached.

But if I don’t know you, or I barely know you, and you show up bearing gifts, it’s a caution flag from me. “There’s no free lunch,” is something my Dad told me a long time ago. That little nugget has stood the test of time. There is no free lunch indeed. I hate to sound cynical, but when someone that I don’t know or I barely know shows up bearing gifts, my first thought is, “What’s in it for them? What’s their angle? What do they want from me in return?” This also applies when the gift or the favor is large. Especially when I don’t know the person or I barely know them.

Beware the stranger or even the casual acquaintance that comes bearing gifts. The price may be more than you would want to pay. Look for the hook. It’s in there somewhere. Somewhere there are strings attached, and the cost may be more than what its worth.

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