False Bravado

Keeping your frame, being “alpha,” being stoic, focusing on your mission while crushing it, spin more plates, have more options, being hard to kill, and other assorted buzzwords, slogans, and jingles are great.

They are great until your world comes crashing down around you. They are great when everything is fine. What they aren’t, is great when you are falling apart.

I have had a guy reach out to me recently and his world is crumbling right before his eyes. He lost his job recently as well as a relationship that he didn’t want to end.

I imagine he is staring right into the abyss. I could hear it in the tone of his voice because I’ve had that same tone of voice a couple of years ago when my LTR of almost 4 years ended and my Mother died two weeks apart from each other. It definitely knocked the wind out of me. That’s pretty much what this guy is going through right now.

What isn’t going to help this guy is to tell him to “man up, alpha up, be stoic, spin more plates, focus on your mission,” yadda yadda yadda. This isn’t a time for cheap slogans and manosphere jingles, it’s time to shut the fuck up and just listen.

I don’t care how much Game you know or how tight your Game is. Game and the Red Pill itself aren’t safety nets from a crushing blow to your life. You can have the greatest Game on the planet and your woman or women may still leave you for whatever reason. Game and the Red Pill won’t stop you from getting hurt, getting burned, or getting your heart ripped out of your chest.

You can do everything right that your guru told you to do, or your parent’s told you to do, or society told you to do, or even what you told yourself to do and it can still all be taken from you in the blink of an eye. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

You can have a ton of cash in the bank, in bitcoin, stuffed in a mattress for all I care. It’ll all be gone if and when you get into a serious car accident and you end up in the ICU at your local hospital.

Sometimes life just fucking sucks and there’s no answer as to why that is. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes you get to take a big bite out of the shit sandwich that has been served to you and there’s no avoiding it, changing it, getting around it, or getting out of it. Chew slowly motherfucker, chew slowly.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be present for somebody, let them talk, and just listen. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get someone from stepping off of a ledge. Sometimes you get to be the sounding board while they are processing how and why their world is falling apart at the seams.

Sometimes all you can do is tell them, no matter what they are going through, they are not alone. And sometimes that’s all it takes to stop them from making matters worse for themselves.

For all the bullshit slogans and chest puffing that goes on in the ‘Sphere, there’s not a lot of empathy going on there. Too many guys are beating their chests to the sound of their own drums about how big of an island unto themselves that they are. Guess what guys? Just like men and women are better together than they are apart, so are men themselves.

We as men are better together than we are apart. We aren’t islands unto ourselves as much as we want to pretend that we are. “Lone wolves” perish faster than a pack. Keep that in mind the next time you want to throw a slogan around.

If you haven’t had your heart broken by a woman, you haven’t really lived. If you haven’t had your heart broken, you will if you dare to connect and care for someone other than yourself. If you can just, “go out and get another woman,” and walk away from what you had with the last woman, especially if she is the one initiating the walk, did you really care for her or about her? Or are you worried about your frame and if you talk about it, it’ll show the world just how “beta” you are?

I think a lot of guys put on a show of how “alpha” they are because deep down inside they are hurting, literally bleeding from the inside, but they are either too scared or too ashamed to show it. They are too ashamed to show their humanity and reach out for help because they will be judged by their peers as being weak and “beta.”

I’m not saying that it’s a great idea to emote and expose your world falling apart to everyone on the internet, but reaching out to someone and telling them you are in pain isn’t weakness. Sometimes that’s the strongest and bravest thing that you can do.

“I’m hurting man, and I don’t know what to do. My world is fucked, and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole that I dug for myself.”

I hear you. I can’t dig you out of the hole that you dug for yourself, you’re the only one that can do that, but I can listen. Pick up the phone and call me anytime.

You’re not alone.

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It’s An Invitation.

red envelope with fresh red flowers inside

A guy I follow on Twitter posed an interesting question:

A good-looking (7.5) extremely fit girl in the gym that I see often engage in some dribble of a conversation then tells me her boyfriend has been sent to overseas for an assignment. Is this an opening or a way to keep me away :-)?

I told him: It’s an invitation.

Whether he wants to do anything with that information is totally up to him. I don’t care either way.

Other people chimed in with their two cents, some saying yay, and some saying nay. I’m going to get into that in a minute as well. For right now, I just want to focus on the question or more precisely, the mindset to have in this situation, should it ever arise for you.

Always assume the sale.

If she’s talking to you, she may not want sex, at least at that moment, but she’s interested. If she does more than nod at you or talk to you in one word answers, she interested in you. Women are fantastic at not fucking guys they don’t want to fuck. Women are fantastic at letting you know when they are not interested in you, all you need to do is pay attention.

Most guys fuck this up though because they are stuck in their heads, too busy overanalyzing the situation. When you’re stuck in your head, you aren’t paying attention to what she is saying or how she is saying it. You’re too busy thinking what you’re going to say next. You’re not really listening, you’re just waiting your turn to talk. When you’re stuck in your head, you miss all the little cues and body language and whatnot that she is literally throwing at you. When you are stuck in your head overanalyzing things, odds are that you are overanalyzing the wrong things. You’re worried about if you are coming off as “cool,” or “witty,” or “funny,” or “smart,” or any number of things.

That shit doesn’t matter. You’re focusing on the wrong things. Ideally you should be focusing on her.

It’s always better to assume the sale than to not assume the sale.

I don’t know how many times I see guys fucking it up for themselves and either giving her a reason to not fuck him, or he talks himself out of a damn near sure thing. The 80/20 Rule is big on Twitter yet again, (what is old is new again) and I guess guys want to take it from a guideline to a Law.

Seduction and talking to women is an art, not a science. There are no hard “laws” when it comes to it. This isn’t chemistry or physics, this is talking to women. All the statistics, graphs, data, hypotheses, and logic don’t mean shit when it comes time to walk over and talk to her.

Sure the odds are against you. They are against all men, even “Chad.” Women are the selectors when it comes to sex. Even “Chad” has to work at it to get laid, he may not have to work at it as hard or as much as you or I do, but he still has to work at it.

It’s better to assume the sale and think that she’s interested in you than not. Thinking she’s not interested in you is just a form of defeat. You’ve already lost before you even showed up. Since we are creatures that have confirmation bias, if you think she’s not interested in you, then those are the signs and signals that you will look for. You literally won’t be able to see signs of interest from her. It’s better to assume the sale and see signs of interest, even if they aren’t actually there.

Since seduction isn’t a “hard science,” you can and do affect the outcome of any and every interaction that you have with women. If you assume she’s interested, she may very well be interested from the get-go, or she may become interested in a short period of time while you are conversing with her. But you’ll never know that if you assume she isn’t interested. Not to sound all new agey, but your thoughts and beliefs do affect your outcomes and results. I do think a lot of the “pick up” guys would agree with me on this one. Call it “vibe” or whatever you like.

Another thing I noticed in the interaction with the guy who asked the question I quoted was not only the yay’s and nay’s, but particularly the reasoning behind the nay’s, even though he didn’t ask for it.

The naysayers were mostly coming from a place of morality:

“If she has a bf she has a bf… that should be the end of it.”

Stay clear either way… If she is signaling that her BF is away and she wants to play, then she has no morals avoid. If she is hedging you…avoid.”

“Who cares? She has a bf, find a single girl to pursue.”

Women who want to fuck will find a way and find someone to fuck. It might be you, it might be me, it may very well be somebody else, but she’ll do it. In my opinion, it might as well be me.

Guys that tend to use morality and shame men into not fucking women, whether those women are “taken” or not, tend to be “low value men” as far as I’m concerned. Why do any of these guys care what the questioner does or not? It’s not their girlfriend is it? So why care?

Scarcity mentality and the fact that the guy doing the shaming and projecting his morality onto others because he isn’t getting any sex or doesn’t have many options is why. I have a feeling that this type of guy would make a horrible wing man if you were to ever go out to meet women. I think he would be the type to either end up cockblocking you or he would throw you under the bus because he wants a stab at the girl that you are talking to in addition to the girl that he may or may not be talking to. He wants them all because there just aren’t “enough to go around.”

I believe it was Rollo who said something to the extent of, “Alpha’s don’t commit to just one woman because they have options. Beta’s commit and invest heavily into one woman because they don’t have options.” I’m paraphrasing heavily here, but you get the idea.

If women “break rules for Alpha’s and make rules for Beta’s,” it’s also Beta men who make “rules” for other men to follow. Especially when it comes to women.

Keep that in mind when you are dealing with another man, whether online or in real life.

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You Don’t Really Know Her, And You Never Will.

afterglow backlit bokeh dark

Here’s another truth that I’ve had to swallow that has been a bitter pill:

You can be with someone for a long time, months, years, even decades, and you will never really know them.

You will think that you know them, and I’m sure that is part of the idealism that lives inside of Men. You think you know your wife, your girlfriend, your significant other, whatever title, name or term of affection that you want to give her or call her.

But you will never really know her. Not truly.

Swallow that pill. Choke it down.

You will never really know her.

In all fairness, she will probably never really know you either. But if you are like most Men out there, you will take many opportunities to show her who you are, to invite her into your world and to get to know you better. To know who you really are.

Do not expect the same courtesy in return. She will always hold something back. I’m not saying this from a place of anger or bitterness, I’m just speaking from my own personal experience.

After every relationship I’ve had that has ended, I end up seeing more of who that woman really was.

Sometimes it’s not pretty. Sometimes it’s okay. Either way it is what it is.

I wrote a while back about a bitter red pill that I had to swallow. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s a good place to start. This one would be the next one that I have encountered that has been really hard to get down my throat.

I don’t blame the women that have been in my life and are now gone for this lack of knowing them. It’s not their fault for the most part. It’s mine.

Goddamn, unplugging is a bitch. You go along, thinking you’ve unplugged and then something hits you. Sometimes it even blind sides you. That’s where you realize that you haven’t unplugged as much as you thought you had. That’s when you realize you are still a long way off and that you still have a lot of work to do.

Rollo Tomassi wrote about this to a degree a few years ago in an article that he called, “Kill The Beta.” I imagine to some degree this was what he was talking about.

I don’t know why this one is bothering me so bad right now, except that it shatters an illusion that I once had and cherished. That illusion was that I knew the woman I was with, that I really knew her.

Knowing now that I didn’t really know her, it’s sad to me. It’s sad because now I know more about her and what she is actually capable of. Which means that she is truly capable of anything.

In the past if you asked me if she was capable of “X,” I would have told you no way, not in a million years.

Now if you asked me if she was or is capable of “X,” I would have to say that “X” is totally possible. She could do it. Doesn’t mean she would, but she could.

That opens up a whole world of uncertainty for me. That uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. If she is capable of say, lying, cheating, deceiving, stealing, and even taking a life, it means that I don’t really know her and I cannot trust her.

I take that back. I can trust her to be her. Someone who is capable of anything. Even theft and murder.

The question that keeps haunting me is this:

Knowing that a woman is truly capable of anything and could turn on you for no reason at all, how do you trust them? How can you live with them? How can you spend time, any significant amount of time with them?

I don’t want to go through the rest of my life not being able to trust a woman. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life realizing that a woman is truly capable of anything and everything.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and sleeping with one eye open, wondering when, not if, she’s going to go feral on me and pull whatever shit she’s going to pull.

How do you overcome that? Or do you?

Is it simply throwing your hands up in the air and giving up? Is it submitting to the fact that All Women Are Like That? How can you be with someone that you can’t trust? Or that you can trust that she will do what she’s going to do and that she will go feral at some point and betray your trust, betray you?

I can already hear some women that might read this saying, “Not all women are like that!” To which I would answer them, “Prove it. Your words don’t count for shit with me. You’re going to have to show me that I can trust you, your words don’t count.”

I understand why some Men decide to go MGTOW now. It makes more sense. Sometimes it seems to me that it would be a much easier life not dealing with women. If I want female companionship I can always hire a professional and be done with it. At least with her, I know what I’m paying for and what I’m getting. I can see why some guys do this.

Maybe I’m just zeroed out emotionally at this point when it comes to the idea of dating and dealing with women. Right now I don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle to get to know someone only to know that I’ll never really know them and that I can only trust them about as far as I can throw them. It sucks knowing that the only thing I know for certain is that I can trust her to be her and that means that I can trust that she is capable of anything at any time. I can trust that she can go feral at any point for any reason or no reason whatsoever.

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