Jeremy Part 2

jeremy-spoke-in-class-today-pearl-jam-1-600x450

I mentioned “Jeremy” in a prior post. I’m going to continue the tragi-comedy that is his life here. There’s been updates since I wrote the original post and published it.

The last time when we left off the story of our hero, “Jeremy” was still living with the woman and her two kids in a joint lease apartment. He was considering leaving her, and I even had suggested that that is what I would have done, if I had ended up in the same situation that he is currently in. Did “Jeremy” finally leave? Did he tell her to fuck off? Did “Jeremy” go scorched earth on her and set it all on fire?

No.

Not only didn’t he do any of what I just questioned, “Jeremy” is basically doubling down and wants to marry this woman. He’s waiting for the teenage daughter to become an adult (which is about another year or so from now) and then he wants to marry this woman.

“Jeremy” told me how he had a “talk” with his woman. He told me how he told her that he “didn’t feel appreciated for all of the things that he has done for her, her children, and their relationship.” He reasoned with her, he rationalized with her and with himself. Apparently things are going so well at the moment, he’s decided to marry her. She knows about this of course, because he’s told her.

I was done listening for the most part when he mentioned that he wants and is planning on marrying her. He thanked me for the advice that I had given him earlier. Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself, “when did I ever tell you to ‘man up and marry that ho?'” When did I ever tell him to sit down and have a “talk” with her and give her an ultimatum? When did I ever tell him to talk to her like she was a man? When did I tell him to try and reason with her?

I didn’t do any of those things. I didn’t tell him to do any of those things. I told him to get a different place to live in, change his phone number, and get the fuck out. That’s what I told him. I remember that, because I was there telling it to him. Apparently “Jeremy” is either two completely different guys, or he didn’t want to hear a thing I said.

Fuck it. “Jeremy” gets to burn. You can lead a horse to water and all of that.

It still amazes me to see grown men think and act like women are just better smelling, less hairy versions of men without penises.

Guys, women are NOT men. They never have been and they never will be men. They don’t think like men, let alone act like one. Get it through your thick skulls. You don’t talk to women like they are men. You don’t “reason” with them like you do with another man. Women don’t think and reason like men, and that’s because they aren’t men.

You will never cross that chasm. You will never truly understand how a woman thinks and why they think what they think and why they do what they do. Best give up trying to “get into their heads” and trying to understand their thought processes. Women themselves have admitted that they don’t know why they do the things they do.

Women can and do reason, they just do it differently than men do. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you let that shit go, the sooner you can get on with your life and be content. Women are going to women because they are women and that’s what they do.

Women do what they do because they can.

The only real power we have as men when dealing with women in today’s world is this:

The Takeaway.

Take away your attention. Take away your time. And if necessary and needed, take away your presence by walking out the fucking door. Stop throwing your time, money, and attention at someone who hasn’t earned it or is behaving badly. Stop doing the “Sunken Cost Fallacy” thing. Your time and as far as I’m concerned, your dignity is more important than how much money and “work” you’ve thrown at a woman.

Newsflash: She doesn’t care how much time, money, and effort you have thrown at a relationship with her. That’s your job, it’s expected. Stop looking for relational equity, there is none, there never was any, and there will never be any.

“Jeremy” is giving up the one thing that he truly has in his situation,  and that is the ability to walk away. He is giving it up and deciding on staying in his chains of bondage that he put on himself. “Jeremy” truly gets to burn.

When “Jeremy” mentioned that he wants to marry this gal, something inside me “snapped” and then died. I turned and looked at him and said with a smile,

“You’re gonna marry her? Good for you man! Sounds like you found your One! Your soulmate! I’m happy for you! Sounds like you guys were meant to be, and don’t worry about it, everything is going to work out just fine between you two.”

I need to stock up on matches and gasoline, it’s going to be a hot summer this year.

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“Beef-Only”

brown bull on green glass field under grey and blue cloudy sky
FIGHT ME.

A little while ago, I was reading a thread on Twitter, and a guy in the thread dropped this little nugget of gold. There’s a lot to unpack in that post and I’m not going to go into it too much. Suffice it to say, it got me thinking. I’ll let you guys read it for yourself and do your own unpacking of it.

Here’s a few thoughts that I had about it though:

A beef-only thinker is someone you cannot simply talk to. Anything that is not an expression of pure, unqualified support for whatever they are doing or saying is received as a mark of disrespect, and a provocation to conflict. From there, you can only crash into honor-based conflict mode, or back away and disengage.

I’ve encountered a lot of people on the Internet of Beefs, which is pretty much all of social media these days. You can’t have a conversation with them, you can’t talk to them unless it is in support of whatever their beef is. Think about binary thinking and lack of nuance here. Everything is black or white, everything is us versus them. The beefs that people have range from the large scale, global type of stuff, such as climate change, down to the absolutely ridiculous like, if you don’t have kids, your opinion counts for less to society at large.

I swear sometimes that people have nothing better to do in their lives except try and stir up outrage. Imagine that your life is so great, so absolutely “normal,” that you have to go out onto the internet and pick a fight over nothing. Beefing for the sake of beefing.

To continue operating in public spaces without being drawn into the conflict, you have to build an arsenal of passive-aggressive behaviors like subtweeting, ghosting, blocking, and muting – all while ignoring beef-only thinkers calling you out furiously as dishonorable and cowardly, and trying to bait you into active aggression.

This is one of the parts that drives me nuts. The fact that you have to literally duck your head and monitor what you say, just so that you can avoid a conflict with someone who literally has nothing better to do than stir up conflict.

The article goes on to describe what are known as Mooks and Knights:

A mook is an involuntary anonymous, fungible, angry figure desperate to be seen as significant. I was a mook over a year ago. I’ll admit it. I was raging for the sake of raging. Being a mook is mostly about taking sides in somebody else’s fight, whatever that cause may be. It’s mostly opt-in, which means you get to decide if you want to participate or not. You get to choose if your stress levels go up or not. You get to do this every time you engage.

Knights are the guys who have the cause that the mooks fight for. Here’s the thing though:

The conflict is happening for the sake of conflict itself. The goal isn’t to end the fight, but to keep it going, ideally without end. A war without end. A beef that never ends. Fighting for the sake of fighting. This is outrage culture.

The only reason for the fight is to sustain the fight, there really isn’t a strategy to all of this except to sustain and stretch out the beef. The knights are the instigators for the most part and the mooks are the cannon fodder and combat soldiers.

Why the beefing?

The mark of a knight of the vast round table of the Internet of Beefs is the relentless pursuit of the Holy Grift. A mercantile mission for the end of history…..

[P]ush come to shove, that the grifting motive will rule behavior rather than ideological ends. The grifters keep the culture war going…

It’s all about making money and getting the clicks basically. In many cases I think it’s all about trying to remain relevant. Especially when you are a knight of the Internet of Beefs and you need to make sure that the cash keeps flowing in.

While the mooks fight, the knights make money.

And there it is. Have a knight write a tweet or a post of some beefy outrage, whether it’s “real” or not, whether it truly matters or not, (in my experience, it usually doesn’t matter) add a link to the knight’s latest course, book, or seminar, click send, and there you have it. Agitate the mooks and get them fired up so that the dumpster fires get started and then bystanders as well as other mooks join in the foray and links to products and services get clicked. Money is made.

Get people agitated and they want to buy something to alleviate their agitation. It’s one of the oldest sales tricks in the book. It’s similar to creating a problem for someone and then selling them the solution to the very problem you created for them.

I’m not shitting on guys who want to make money, by all means, make your money. Do your thing. I’m just choosing to opt-out of the Internet of Beefs. I’m choosing to not be a mook anymore.

I don’t need to engage in the ‘rage. I don’t need to buy another course or book or whatever it is that is being sold. I’ll be fine without it.

Opting out is a great thing:

Your stress levels fall dramatically. Life tends to “slow down” somewhat. Colors, sounds, and the taste of things has become more vibrant. Maybe that last one about vibrancy is only something that I have experienced, it may not apply to you, but hey, you can always find out for yourself by trying the opt-out route. At a bare minimum, it won’t hurt you to try it.

Please give that article that I linked to at the beginning a full read. It might be one of those “aha moments” for you like it was for me. At the very least, it allowed me to see what was going on around me on the internet and it gave me a way to literally predict what is or was going to happen next.

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I’ll Be Waiting To Ramble On

man walking on the empty street

Some people come into your life, and they are there but for a moment, and then they are gone. They choose to leave, they want to leave, they have to leave. And you wish that they wouldn’t go, that they didn’t go. But they did. And that’s life. It is what it is and you remember the good times and you wish them well, and you let them go. You move on.

Some people come into your life and they overstay their time. Or you let them overstay. They should have never stayed as long as they did. You should have never let them stay for as long as they did. You knew better and you let them stay for far too long. And they did. It is what it is and you remember the good times and you wish them well, and you walk away or you turn them out, telling them that they must go. You move on.

Morning came and I was on my way, when you reminded me. I had too soon forgotten, it was you that set me free. Yeah, you were here when I came, you’ll be here when I’m gone. So don’t be waiting on love, ’cause I’ll be waiting to ramble on. – Kip Winger

I’m not Mr. Right. I’m Mr. Right Now.

Mr Right Now. Such a phrase with many connotations. One night stands. Same day lay. Someone who “just” wants sex. There’s many more connotations, and it seems that many, if not most of them, are negative. Seriously though, what’s wrong with being Mr. Right Now? At least I’m being honest about it. At the end of the day, that’s all I have to offer you, my honesty and my presence in this moment.

I’m not Mr. Right, I’m Mr. Right Now. I’m here but only for a moment, this moment. I don’t look for anything from you but this moment, right now. Don’t try and keep me here, you can’t. You won’t. I’ll be moving on before you know it. So just enjoy me now in this moment. Enjoy us, right now.

I’ve done the “domesticated thing.” It doesn’t work for me. Perhaps it never did. Perhaps it never will. I don’t want or have expectations of a tomorrow because there is no tomorrow. There is only now. This moment. Let’s just enjoy it shall we? Whether sex is on the agenda or not, I don’t really care. Having you spend time in my presence and me spending time in your presence is what I seek. Even just for this one moment in time.

And that’s all there really is. Moments in time. And if you join me in this one moment in time, with no expectations of another moment in time, maybe there will be another moment in time? And another moment. And another moment.

Stop looking for “forever.” Nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Not even the Great Pyramids will last forever. Not even this planet that we live on and inhabit will last forever. Certainly our lives won’t go on forever, so let’s drop that fantasy shall we? Let’s just enjoy the moment, this moment, with no expectations of any future moments. This is what it means to be Mr. Right Now.

There is no permanency in life. Memories fade over time, memories change. Photos degrade or may become corrupted. People move on, move away, and then at some point they die. Or we die. We forget, they forget, it’s what we do. And that’s okay. This is not hopelessness. This is not futility. This is reality, this is what it is. This is why I laugh when I hear about “legacy.” Will my words, these words, be preserved, untouched, unmarked, unchanged, throughout the entirety of time? I highly doubt it, because nothing lasts forever.

Languages change, meanings change and shit gets lost in the translation. Or sometimes there are words that have no definition or meaning in a language, so we “give it our best shot” trying to step into the mind of the author and thinking, “well, this is probably what he meant.” We’ll never truly know because the author is long gone. Doesn’t mean don’t try, but it does mean don’t get hung up on it.

“Living as Mr. Right Now is so superficial, so shallow.” No it’s not, I assure you. I will love you and cherish you intensely. I will love you for a lifetime in this moment, because that’s all I have to offer you and to give to you. You can know a person deeply in just a moment. You can know all you need to know about them, if you let them show you, in a moment. I know this because I’ve seen it and I’ve done it. It’s possible.

Darling, don’t wait up for me, tonight I won’t be home. You’ve become a stranger,
I just got to be alone. Don’t need nobody on my side, to dull the blade I’m on. So don’t be waiting on love, ’cause I’ll be waiting to ramble on. – Kip Winger

I’m not Mr. Right, because there is no Mr. Right, because there is no permanency, there is no “forever.” There’s only now. I’m Mr. Right Now. We could be so good together, yeah we could. I know we could. For now.

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