Thoughts on Military Service, Part 4: The Ugly

Ah-ten-shun! 

The time is now 1700.  End of the day on Friday, and time for your safety brief.  You guys have to hear this from me, your senior NCO, so that you don’t get yourself into trouble.

Of course, I know this will happen with some knuckleheads, but those are just a few.  This is for the rest of you so that you’re on the straight and narrow.

Last time, I covered the bad.  This time, it’s gonna get interesting.  I’m covering the ugly

This, guys, is really the one you have to watch out for.  Seriously.  No recruiter is going to tell you this.  No senior officer is going to tell you this.  And, hell, your peers might not tell you this.  Why?  They don’t think about it.  Or, they don’t want to think about it.

That’s my job.  Let’s get to it.

  • In general, the types of people who join the military are sadly often bottom or near-bottom of the barrel in terms of self-regulation, mental stability, maturity, direction/purpose, smarts, and ethics/morals.  (However, keep in mind that the military won’t accept cretins because there are minimum intelligence standards.)  You’ll find at least one of these things in the people you work with and work under.  In your travels through the American retail jobs landscape, if you thought your shift supervisor at Home Depot, or McDonald’s, the Winn-Dixie, or the warehouse had his head in his ass, had a short fuse, and couldn’t wait to fire you or make your life hell because he was petty and got bent out of shape for something you said to him, wait until you meet his type in the military, where you have to deal with him all the time and can’t tell him to fuck off with little in the way of retribution.  Ditto for a female boss and/or Karen, which I’ll get to later.
  • As the saying goes, “it takes all sorts to make a world.”  Same with the military.  For both men and women, you’ll encounter white-bread suburbanites, big city New Yawk or Bah-ston, Joy-zee Shore, Chi-town, Born in East LA, ghetto (even with the gold teeth), ratchet, whiggers, white trash, corn-fed farmers, hillbillies, good ol’ boys, fresh off the boat (and maybe undocumented, hoping for that golden ticket of US citizenship), dirty Chicanos, Narco-cultura, Jesus freaks and dyed-in-the-wool Baptists and even Mormons, skater dudes, surfers, hippie kids, slackers, degreed smarty-pants, computer geeks, Second Lifers and LARPers, nerdy Asian and Indian . . . and the list goes on.  (Have I touched on every slightly offensive stereotype? . . . wink, wink.)  Your time in the military will be a prime opportunity for you to learn how to deal with such people, because, in civilian life, you normally wouldn’t have anything to do with them, most likely, except minimally.  But, as I said, they were certain people when they came into the military, and whatever attitudes, cultural grounding, or dysfunction they have won’t be magically erased once they don the uniform.  A shitbag or slut can still be a shitbag or slut.
  • You will find people in the military who think nothing of getting drunk regularly, going off half-cocked and getting into fights, shacking up with low-rent pussy or dick, spending money they don’t have and getting into debt, driving fancy and expensive sedans or sports cars or trucks (Dodge Chargers, Mustangs, Ford Explorers, or Cadillac Escalades, anyone?) with the shiny rims because it’s a status symbol (and for which they have a exploitative car loan), tattooing up their bodies, acting pettily, cheating their fellow military (they’re not called Blue Falcons for nothing), getting into domestic abuse situations, or just something more pedestrian (and sad) like staying in the barracks all weekend, drinking and playing video games – weekend after weekend.  This is more or less across the board with all service branches, though some are worse than others because their standards are lower.  As for me, I can speak only of my Army experience, and I’m speaking of lower enlisted who are usually in their younger 20s.  (At the time I write this, those I’m referring to would be younger Millennials and he oldest of Gen Z.)  Senior enlisted, who are usually older (and, at the time of writing would be older Millennials and mid-to younger Gen X), don’t exhibit the same pathologies or they might exhibit them in diminished form: e.g., the married 30-something Sergeant First Class (SFC) impregnating one of the lower enlisted in the same unit or one of the other units.  That’s kept on the down-low, though.
  • The least offensive of these asshats, in my view, are the bellyachers.  These are the guys who came from “high-speed” units prior to the one you’re in (or, who might have been prior combat arms and then reclassed into an easier MOS), and seem to find every reason to complain about how “ate up” or ass-backward this unit is.  At my Signal unit in Germany, for example, there were a couple of guys in the unit who came from Fort Bragg, North Carolina, which is home to the 82nd Airborne Division and, for sure, is more spit-polish and intense than many other units.  (FYI, you’ll find that at bases that are dominated by the infantry or cavalry, and Airborne.)  Despite these same guys complaining that they didn’t like how invasive their NCOs were at Bragg, they also complained that people in this unit were soft pussies who had their head in their asses (“four points of contact,” in military speak).  And, mind you, these were Signal people, not infantry, MPs, or some other kind of combat arms or combat-related MOS.  Naturally, I’d expect a former Ranger or Special Forces to complain about how soft Signal people are, but not from other Signal people.  Like I said, asshats.  Nothing will ever make them happy, and you get to listen to them complain as well as puff themselves up more than what they actually are (oh, shit . . . did someone say virtue signaling?), just because they spent some time on a combat arms base.
  • Related to the bellyachers – the so-called “high-speed”ones – are the people who take it upon themselves to correct what they see as “bad” behavior, even when none exists.  In other words, neurotic and controlling (at least IMO) busybodies.  These could be NCOs, who justifiably should be looking out for the welfare of the junior enlisted, or one’s fellow enlisted who have nothing better to do and who fear that they’re going to get their asses chewed for a non-existent threat, etc.  In my case, during my first deployment, I squeaked by on my first downrange PT test.  As a consequence, the one NCO that I ended up working with in the office, but who wasn’t my direct-line NCO, took it upon himself to put me through remedial PT for a couple of weeks.  I don’t recall if he consulted with my direct NCO for this, but he might have since the two of them were buddy-buddy.  This NCO, I should highlight, had a short fuse and told me that he had been busted down at least twice in his career for mouthing off to an officer.  He also had been divorced with two kids, and married a fat, repulsive woman of a darker shade and had kids with her.  I put him the category of the busybody.  He was likeable enough on the surface, but a bit creepy, and not trustworthy enough where you could tell him your deepest secrets.  I couldn’t stand my direct NCO, and so didn’t trust this other guy.  Neither of these guys I’d ever had considered to be “model” NCOs, or soldiers.
  • Connected with this, if you are the NCO of one of these soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, or Coasties, you’ll be the one responsible for their behavior and their “well-being.”  If they fuck up, then you get your ass chewed, even if what they did was unintentional or accidental.  As a general rule, whenever a very senior enlisted or a flag officer sees something “ate up,” the first thing they do is make a beeline to the NCOIC and chew his ass out, ordering him to fix it right then and there – and sometimes, everyone else has to drop what they’re doing to fix the fuck-up. 
  • Because I was enlisted, I can only really speak about other enlisted.  Officers usually are separate from the enlisted and interact with them sparingly.  There are also far fewer of them compared to the enlisted, so you’re not going to see them that often.  My guess is that officers would be at a higher standard (relatively speaking) than the average enlisted, so the pathologies outlined here might be fewer in number.  However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t officers who don’t exhibit the same problems as enlisted do.  Really, the only difference between officers and enlisted, at bottom, is that the officer likely has a college degree, has had different training, interacts with different people and in a smaller pool, reports directly to the unit commander or XO and not to NCOs or junior officers, and has a different job, which might be more “professional” (e.g., doctor or attorney) or “managerial” (i.e., paper-pusher).
  • You will surely run into people who have hygiene problems, which the military tries to solve in part by using NCOs as counselors, but can’t correct if the problem runs deep.  In my case, I knew of guys who refused to take a shower with the other guys in basic training, because they were embarrassed, and who wound up with a skin disease.  I knew of guys who, at my first duty station, still didn’t take regular showers and who, consequently, made others nauseous with their BO.  (On the flip side, there also were guys who took regular showers, but used strong body wash and/or Axe Body Spray.)  And, I knew of a guy or two who never properly washed his feet, or cleaned his socks or boots, and who always had bad athlete’s foot.  And, I want to underscore, that all of this can apply to chicks, too, despite what you might think to the contrary.
  • You will surely run into people who have pre-existing physical and/or medical conditions that affect their performance, but which the military chose to ignore (at the time) because they wanted the numbers to be high.  I knew of a few people who were borderline overweight, and who never got promoted because they couldn’t meet weight standards.  I knew of one guy who had very bad sleep apnea, to the point where he, quite literally, sounded like he was sawing down a forest while asleep.  Not surprisingly, this was partially a result of his weight, which he never took proper care of because he couldn’t stop shoving all kinds of unhealthy food down his gullet.
  • You will surely meet people who are mentally disturbed, even if minor.  This can manifest in many ways.  Unhealthy preoccupation with video games, and the same people secretly thinking that they’re a character in one of those games.  Hyper-sexualized men and women, some of whom wouldn’t think twice about cheating on their wives or husbands, or who might try to seduce you because they want to get some nookie from you or because they want to trap you.  (My guess is that they were sexually abused as children.)  Overly aggressive people.  Alcoholics (fairly common).  Closet skinheads and neo-Nazis.  Ruby Ridge survivalist types.  I even knew one guy in Germany who was active in the Furry community online, and who once told me that he French-kissed his dog.  Mind you, all of these people could be functioning soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, or Coasties during the day, and could blow it out of the water with their PT tests, weapon qualifications, etc., thereby making rank quickly.  But, this is what the military tends to score one highly on.  Not so much on intelligence or character, or even proficiency at their job, despite saying the opposite.  Rather, how these people are able to keep going in the military, in my opinion, is a mixture of physical fitness, cunning, doggedness, and dumb luck.  Or, as the in the case with what I’ve liked to call “shitbag Masons” — higher-ups are protecting them from their worst abuses.
  • Because of their pre-existing pathologies, these people can be loose cannons, flipping out even when they’ve not been in combat.  They’ll also turn on you because of something you said or did.  In my case, and because I was older, I sometimes had younger NCOs who tried to lord rank over me because they didn’t like me for some reason.  Quite possibly, I intimidated them.  Age and life experience, and a professional demeanor, can sometimes trump rank.  (But, always remember that you have to respect the rank; you don’t have to respect the person.)
  • Because many people are scum, you always run the risk of falling prey to predation.  Psychological abuse (which is hard to prove in a military setting), harassment, false accusations, theft, and assault, to name a few.  Especially, if you’re junior enlisted, you must strive to keep a low profile, have a strong internal compass (as well as a moral compass), and know the military regulations to fight back if you find yourself in a pickle – and be prepared to take your lumps if you lose the battle.  You might have a case, but then lose because you’re outranked or because expediency trumps all.  Lose the battle, but live to fight another day.  That’s one definite upside.  Play the long game, always.  Keep your eyes on the prize.  Lastly, predation also applies to current active duty and veterans in the form of organizations asking for money or time to further some vet-related cause, and where they give you little in return except a T-shirt and aluminum water bottle.  Especially, those that are crouched to prey on you are colleges, because they want your GI Bill money.  Tread very carefully, and deliberately, when you deal with colleges.  Sad to say, there are far too many vets out there who were screwed, blued, and tattooed, left with a huge pile of college debt, despite the GI Bill paying for a good chunk of it, and no degree.  Sometimes, this was because the college was a fly-by-night outfit that went under.
  • Those who have or who can attain rank over you might be tempted to abuse it.  By the same token, if you outrank them, you might be ineffective if you have no authority and support from your chain of command if you try to motivate them to do something.  You can politely ask first, then cajole, then order.  When the order comes, that’s where you might get pushback.  I’ve seen this to be the case with junior NCOs who were newly promoted, and who found themselves outranking their homeboys, when they were the same rank as they were for so long.  It’s often a case of, “Oh, so you think you’re better than us?” or “So you forgot where you came from, huh?” on the one hand, and a blurring of the lines between homeboy-ship and professional distance.  Put simply, if, in your gaggle of buddies, you suddenly became their boss, think of all the problems that engenders.  If you have to bring the hammer down because one of your team fucks up, what do you do?  Your duty dictates that you have to discipline them, but then how effective will that be?
  • If you’re an NCO, in my view, you’re more effective if you’re an E-6 (e.g., Army Staff Sergeant) or above, and you’ve never met the lower enlisted before.  From day one, the rank structure is in effect and firmly in place, and you keep your distance from them.  Though the military, obviously, tries to promote those who are deserving because this is career progression, as I said, it royally sucks when you have all the responsibility, as an NCO, and none of the authority.  Such is the life of the junior NCOs. 
  • You have few, if any, means of escape if something goes wrong with someone or something.  That is, whereas in the civilian world, if you have a major and intractable disagreement with someone, which degenerates into name-calling, you can just tell them to fuck off and walk away.  If you don’t like your job, you can quit and get another job, or get laid off and collect unemployment.  In the military, you have to embrace the suck, eat that shit sandwich, etc.  If things get really bad, then the unit will probably take measures to separate you from that other person, but you still are in the same unit with him or her, unless he or she is transferred to another unit.
  • Related to my predation comment above, since around 2010, when I got out, there have been more and more “vet-friendly” organizations and employers out there.  In principle, I’ve always thought this was a good thing, because Vietnam vets certainly didn’t have this, nor did vets in the 1980s or 1990s.  If you were a vet in trouble back in those days, you probably had to rely solely on the VA and a handful of older organizations for assistance.  (Then again, also remember that the number of vets in the 80s and 90s was smaller because the military had been reduced in size since the end of the Cold War, and there was little that was attractive to being in the military, especially since the economy was booming in the 90s.)  Now, in 2020, there’s a surfeit of organizations out there, other than the VA, that provide assistance with housing, unemployment, health and mental health, job placement, training (e.g., code schools, if you want to get into IT), etc.  Today’s vet has a wealth of resources to call on.  This is certainly a good thing.
  • However, there are some important caveats here.  Based on my own experiences in trying to find a job from early 2010 and other vets’ experiences (which I’ve done over the years with being part of some online vets’ groups, including LinkedIn), the road can be a tough one if you’re not prepared for it.  Again, this is nowhere near as bad as the Vietnam vets had to face, but I’ll also wager that, in other respects, it was easier to get a job back then than it is today.  For one thing, one could get a factory job or other lower-level job with just a HS diploma, and even better if the guy hiring you was a vet himself.  You could go to college, when it actually meant something, get your degree, and then start in an entry-level trainee job, eventually working your way up.  I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  The upshot is that, in today’s world, because there are fewer jobs, because the economy (even before COVID) has been limping along, because of affirmative action (where if you’re a white man don’t even bother to apply), and because of what I like to call The Process (online application forms, automated hiring, automated rejection letters, and Karen/Titsy Magoo in HR).  Again, I could go on.  There are so many other obstacles that you, the vet, will have to face in getting that job post-military.  This is why, for many vets, expecting that it will take at least six months to a year for you to fully transition off of active duty and become a stable, productive citizen again is likely in the cards.  You likely will be unemployed for a while.  You likely will have to go on several interviews, and then not get a call back.  You likely will have to play fuck-fuck games with recruiters (internal and external) and then have it go nowhere.  You likely will not hear anything back from interviews, wondering if you got the job or not.  As I’ve been in the working world for many years, before and after my Army time, this hasn’t changed, and it’s gotten worse.
  • Oh, but it gets better, rest assured.  Not only do you, the vet, have to face the indignity and humiliation of a broken and dysfunctional hiring process, but you have to steel yourself against the indignity and humiliation of “vet-friendly.”  Sad to say, in many cases, I’ve noticed that “vet-friendly” is virtue signaling.  Especially in a large organization, though they might say that they honor and respect vets, you’ll have to get in line and go through the process like everyone else does, unless you can find someone on the inside who will run interference for you and help you to avoid The Process – as much as they can.  Along the same lines, the organization likely won’t bring you on board unless you have something they want, and if you check their diversity boxes.  FYI, a vet is a valued diversity classification (as evidenced in how many times, online, you have to check if you’re a veteran when you fill out the anti-discrimination sections.)  Want to work at Google or Facebook?  Make sure that you’re a black or Latina lesbian who came from a disadvantaged background, and who can code.  Senior white male enlisted or officers with coding experience and strong operations experience need not apply.  Want to work for a government contractor?  Make sure you have that Top Secret clearance already in hand because the contractor is rarely going to pay for it, even though you bring a lot to the table. 
  • Lastly, the “vet-friendly” sham stretches out to vets themselves who have hung out their own shingles and provide “counseling,” “assistance,” “training,” “coaching,” etc. to other vets.  It’s not dissimilar to the hordes of guys out there hawking informational products for “getting ripped,” “make money in your sleep”, “dropshitting,” “getting da gurlz,” etc.  Then there are the guys who are hawking T-shirts and other apparel, coffee, liquor, etc.  Some of the worst offenders, IMO, are those like Jocko Willink, the former Navy SEAL and podcaster who founded his own consulting firm, prattling on about “extreme leadership,” and who, this year, has started his own line of denim jeans.  Hey, you might think he’s the cat’s meow.  I don’t because guys like Jocko ain’t gonna help me get a job if I become unemployed.  That’s my problem – and that’s where the “brotherhood” of vets stops dead in its tracks. 

WOMEN IN THE MILITARY          

Volumes can be written about this, but these are the highlights:

  • I’m on the fence regarding women in the military.  On the one hand, I’m well aware of the history, stretching back a long time, of quality women who served – e.g., Florence Nightingale and Clara Barton – as nurses and medical personnel, and then closer to the present day when you have not only the medical personnel who are in military hospitals, but even women pilots.  At both of my duty stations, I worked with both women NCOs and officers (and the commander of my Signal battalion was a woman), and I found virtually all of them to be competent and professional, giving me a fair shake and treating me with respect.  (Of course, I always strove to be professional, which certainly helped, and I was older, which I’m sure they appreciated.) 
  • However, despite some women, both enlisted and officers, being competent, smart, and mature, they’re still women.  Apply all Red Pill wisdom regarding women judiciously and efficaciously.  Remember that they’re still women and, as such, can still bring out the bag of tricks that only women can deploy: e.g., sexuality/seduction, damseling, leading with the fi-fis, verbal jiujitsu, needling and sweet-talking, and the pussy pass.  This applies to both enlisted and officers.  I’d also like to add that, partially in defense of women personnel in general, that the most problems came from the lower enlisted.  We are, after all, dealing with late teens and early 20-somethings.  Young guys like to play fuck-fuck games, as do young women – just in their own way.  Be aware of this.
  • Military women can often be some of the nastiest, trashiest, cattiest, and most disgusting people you come across.  Particularly among themselves.  Avoid getting entangled in their drama and shenanigans.  For example, at AIT at Fort Gordon, a couple of months in, I heard that a dust-up happened among the womenfolk because one of them took a shit in the shower (there was only one since they were all on the same floor) and smeared it on the walls. 
  • Women know that they can take advantage of a bunch of young (and not so young), fit, and horny dudes around them – both single and married guys.  When around any military chick, always think with the big head and not the little head.  Rub a few out when you have to if you find some chicks in your unit quite comely, to quiet the little head.  Yes, Private (or even Sergeant or Lieutenant) Titsy Magoo with the slim and fit body, the huge perky rack, and the tight ass will distract you, so be mindful of this.  Fortunately, you won’t see this often when they’re wearing the uniform, because the uniform is unisex and not form-fitting.  You’ll see it when they’re in civilian clothes.
  • Many military women tend to be ugly, low rent, and not fuckable.  Rarely, you might get a 7 or 8 in your unit, and she might already be spoken for.  Just put it out of your head.  The juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
  • Gynocentrism still applies, and many military women will exploit it.  If the chick fucks up, she could get a slap on the wrist.  If you fuck up, you could get severely punished for it. 
  • Bang a military chick, and you might get a disease (e.g., crotch rot), get a false sexual assault charge (especially if alcohol is involved), or be slapped with a paternity charge if she claims she’s pregnant and you’ve been her last dick.  If the latter two happen to you, you can’t escape from them that easily.  If you get slapped with a sexual assault charge, which is all the more dangerous in the age of #MeToo, you could be punished and get kicked out of the military on a dishonorable discharge.  If you have a kid and you have to pay child support, the military will make sure that those authorities get their money.  It’s even worse if it crosses officer/enlisted lines.
  • Being married and/or having kids will come under severe strain while you’re deployed, unless you’re mature enough and your spouse/baby mama is mature enough.  (It’s a stretch, though.)  All too often, wives and girlfriends will be fucking some other dude while the guy is away on deployment.  This applies both to military and civilian chicks.  Not much you can do about it, and if you’re aware of it, it will affect your morale and the morale of your team.  While deployed, you don’t want to be dealing with worry, jealousy, rage, heartbreak, etc., so it’s better to be the single guy with no ties.  You can spend more time and energy doing what you need to do and planning your next moves.
  • To get out of deployment, women can get knocked up.  Men can’t do.  And, such women will use the military resources to have the birth in a military hospital and take advantage of all of the follow-up resources that the military has on offer.  You, as the father, can still have to deploy and risk getting your ass blown off, and it’s your money that she’ll take for the baby.  Also, the chick who uses the pregnancy get-out-of-deployment card isn’t helping unit morale.

Whew. All right, troops. I’ve said all I can on the subject, though I could still write volumes. I’ve kept you here long enough, so you’re dismissed and go enjoy your weekend.

Just do me a favor . . . stay out of trouble, and stay away from the ugly.

Comeuppance

happy businessman checking message on smartphone in downtown alley
He just saw the latest “revenge porn” story.

I watched a couple of Rian Stone’s latest videos on his channel recently and he’s going over some material that has been in circulation now for nearly 8 years. The two latest videos that caught my attention was Michael’s story and Confessions of a Reformed Incel. In both videos, Rian points out and breaks down some really interesting information, and what is interesting and a little sad to me is that “what is old is new again.” Not to sound like a cliche, but the more things change, the more they stay the same. Check out those videos though, they are worth the time and worth the price of admission.

One of the things that really stood out for me was the bitterness that both guys had towards women in particular, “Chad’s,” and society in general. I can see why “revenge/outrage porn” stories have their appeal. It’s men getting a sense of justice, even if they are living it vicariously through a story of another man “who got his.” It’s women getting their comeuppance for their shitty behavior and their shitty choices from their pasts. I understand this. Hell, just thinking about it gives me “warm and fuzzies” at least for a moment.

But here’s the reality:

Kaylene speaking to Michael: “Michael let me tell you something: not only am I going to have my cake eat it and eat it too. I’m going to have it with ice cream and sprinkles”. All of the girls laughed and smiled in agreement.

Source

Some men like to think that women will “pay” for their poor choices that they made while they were younger, and in all honesty, some of them do. The real reality though is that most won’t pay for their poor choices because they won’t have to. There are plenty of beta males ready and willing to forgive them of their sins and ready and willing to wife them up. There is an ocean of guys ready and willing to give them a pass.

Understand that “the pretty people” have had it good for the younger parts of their lives and for the most part, they will go right on enjoying their lives at least into middle age or beyond. Just because you chose an air of superiority and chose not to participate doesn’t mean that others won’t. People living the “good” life tend to go on living the “good” life. Sorry if you find that disappointing.

You have a couple of options:

  1. You can stay bitter and probably end up unhappy and possibly alone for the rest of your life. If you are young, say around 25, you have roughly another 50 years of life ahead of you. That’s a long time to be bitter and possibly alone. I’m not talking about the Lonely Old Man Myth here, but it will be a possible choice that you may have to face down the road.
  2. You can “settle” for “used goods.” Guess what? Most women are going to be sexually active because it’s encouraged and because they can. Again, you can hang on to your anger and bitterness, and you can take on the role of provider/plow horse and maybe you’ll get sex from your wife who isn’t interested in you once or twice a year. But hey, you got to be a Dad right? If you think this way, your entitlement and your bitterness is still showing. You get the woman and the relationship you deserve.
  3. You can say fuck it all and walk away. Plenty of guys go this route. Maybe it’s for you. It’s not for me. It seems too much like surrender and giving up. If you are young, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you to figure out what you are going to do with your time. Don’t worry though, you’ll have plenty of time to figure that out.
  4. You can accept reality for what it is and you can join in on the fun. Instead of being angry that things aren’t the way that you think they should be, you can accept them for what they are and enjoy yourself, your life, and the women that show up in your life. Not all women are absolute whores. Not all of them have made the shittiest of shitty decisions. You won’t know that though if you can’t get outside of your bitterness and your ideals. You can have all sorts of amazing experiences with a bunch of amazing women and who knows, one of them could turn into something that could possibly last you the rest of your life.

I don’t know about you, but I know for me I would rather be on my deathbed with all of my memories of the people I have met and the things I have done than dying alone, which we all do anyways, with nothing but regret and ideals swimming in my head of things that never were and would never be. You see, I don’t regret the things I have done. I don’t regret the things that didn’t work out the way that I had hoped they would. I regret the things that I haven’t done and now that window of opportunity is gone. I regret not making certain decisions and certain choices and taking certain actions, because now I’ll never know how those things could have turned out. That’s what I regret. Ideals of what “ought” to be and fear paralyzed me into doing nothing and that is the biggest regret of all.

Comeuppance is a great dopamine hit. It’s that satisfaction that “Karen” got what was coming to her in the end. The real truth though is that comeuppance is just another form of mental masturbation. It’s another coping mechanism to get you out of taking responsibility for your own life and your own choices. It’s another way for you to not take action or do anything but it sure feels like you are doing something.

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The Two Most Unattractive Things About You

elderly man in a sharp contortion face

I’m going to talk to you about what I believe are the two most unattractive things, or traits, that you as a man can have. You may disagree, and that’s fine, but these were the two that I have had at one point in my life or another that contributed the most to my lack of success with women.

I’m going to start with the one that is probably the most obvious, is certainly the most visible, and is the one that you can do the most about immediately.

However, I don’t believe that this first thing is actually the most important one of the two. I’m saving the worst for last.

Buckle up and let’s begin…

For most of my life, I was overweight. Not obese or morbidly obese, but definitely a good 20 pounds on average overweight. At my heaviest, I topped out at 180 pounds. Not too bad you may think, except that I’m 5’4. That’s a lot for a short guy.

In 2015, I lost 60 pounds just by cleaning up my diet. I got tired of eating junk and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t get more physically active than I already was. 60 pounds. And I wasn’t even trying. Weightloss wasn’t my goal, I just wanted to eat differently and try new things. I went from 180 pounds down to 124 pounds in under six months. People noticed. People asked questions. People thought I was ill. The truth was, I had never felt better in my life.

Like I said, people noticed. Women noticed. Before I lost the weight I had been mostly invisible to most women. I incorrectly assumed that it was because I was bald and short. It wasn’t. It was because I was fat. It was because I looked like most men. I blended right in with all the other fat guys. I dressed like all the other fat guys. I didn’t stand out in the least.

By losing weight and then changing my wardrobe to clothing that actually fit me instead of hanging off of me, I started looking good. That’s part my own opinion because I liked what I saw in the mirror, and also the opinion of women because they now noticed me and began talking to me. They too, appreciated what they saw.

So guys, if you are overweight, lose the fat. You don’t need to get “ripped,” or “shredded,” or “jacked.” You don’t even need to get “buff.” You don’t need to become a gym rat. Just clean up your diet a bit and you’ll lose some of the weight.

Let’s move on to the worst of the “traits” now…

Bitterness.

I’m going to give my own definition of bitterness. Bitterness is anger coupled with a sense of unfairness and injustice, topped off with a sense of hopelessness. It’s the idea that life isn’t fair and you got screwed over, but there’s nothing you can do about it except be angry about it.

Life isn’t fair. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t. But you need to deal with it and get over it. Bitterness is the biggest woman repellent that you can have in your arsenal.

Here’s an example from my own life. Not only was bitterness there, but creepiness too.

When I was younger, I had no real idea of how to attract a woman. So I did all the things that mom told you to do, all the “blue pill” stuff. You know what I mean. I was desperate and horny. I said things that you don’t say to a woman that you have just met. I threw all of my attention and affection at her. I gave her all of it for free. Because of my behaviors I came off as creepy. The girl ran. And I was hurt and confused as to what had just happened.

Instead of looking at what I had said and done though, I turned it on her. She was a bitch and a cunt. She wasn’t a “good girl.” She wasn’t a “quality woman.” And then I got angry. And I stewed on it and amplified it. And it grew. And soon it permeated my every interaction with women. It was in my behaviors and my words. I oozed it from my pores. And women could literally smell it on me. And like any downward spiral, it got worse and worse with every interaction, every encounter that I had.

I remember when I was around 24 and I was bitching about women to a friend of mine and a woman overheard me. She came up and said, “Wow, you are bitter for someone your age.”

I remember it stopping me in my tracks. Was I the problem here? Yeah I was.

It took me a long time to get over my bitterness. It took several years actually. I was able to meet women occasionally, but I couldn’t keep them around for long. My bitterness would turn them away.

Like I said earlier, life is unfair. Life sometimes sucks, plain and simple. But life and women don’t owe you anything. If you are bitter you need to look in the mirror. Why are you bitter? Your woman cheated on you? She divorce you and take your kids and half the stuff? I get it. You have every right to be angry about it, but it isn’t going to make your life better and your interactions with women, if you choose to interact with them aren’t going to get any better either.

That sense of life as unfair is because you have fantasies in your head about how the world “ought” to be. How women “ought” to be. When they don’t turn out that way, you get angry. I get it. But you aren’t helping yourself with it.

I don’t have a “5 Step Plan” to beating bitterness. It’s going to be different for every guy. But you have to beat it. For me I realized that life doesn’t care what I think and neither does anyone else. Instead of getting angry about that I let it go. I let go of my fantasies of how the world ought to be and how women ought to be and accepted both for what they are. I don’t always like it, but I accept it.

When I did that, that sense of hopelessness, that despair, that anger, it all went away. My bitterness disappeared. And women started showing up. They were excited to meet me and be around me. They were excited and happy to be with me. I didn’t take them, life, or myself so seriously. Then things got interesting. Life got interesting. Women became fun. Life became fun.

When I said that women can smell bitterness on you, I’m not kidding. I know it too when I encounter it in someone else. I can literally smell it. It’s definitely a “vibe” or “energy” that you give off in your words, your mannerisms and your behaviors. If I can pick up on it, you better believe that women will pick up on it in a heartbeat and they’ll go running as fast and as far from you as possible. I believe it is the ultimate “chick repellent.”

You can be bald, short, and even to a degree, overweight and women will still show up for you. Ask me how I know. But if you are bitter, being tall, good looking, fit, and all the other things that you think matter, won’t matter. Once she gets a whiff of your bitterness, she’s gone. Again, ask me how I know.

For you literal types out there:

  1. Lose the bitterness
  2. Lose the weight

In that order.

There are plenty of other things that you can do, and there are plenty of other sources saying how to do it. Most will say it far better than me, so I’m not going to go there. Look them up.

These are the big two though. Deal with them and the other things will be much easier.

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