Morality and Biology

affection art backlit couple

Recently I’ve been listening to Sex at Dawn and Mating in Captivity while I’ve been out and about doing my route. (Hey it rhymes!) Both audio books have given me a lot of food for thought.

A lot of people have decried and discredited Sex at Dawn, saying that the research is biased and that the author’s have their own agenda. I would agree with the agenda part for sure, some of their language that they use and the way that they write (or in this case, the way that it was narrated) makes an agenda very apparent. I’ve seen and heard that there are other books and whatnot that, at the very minimum, refute a lot of what the author’s had to say. (Sex at Dusk comes to mind, as well as Promiscuity.)

There is a “statement” of sorts that the authors of Sex at Dawn mentioned several times throughout the book that got me to thinking though, and it goes something like this:

If monogamy is our “natural” state, if it is our “natural” sexual strategy, then why do we need to enforce it?

We’ve had years of religion and family forcing monogamy down our throats. We’ve enacted laws, both past and present, that either try to curtail “extramarital activities,” or provide punishments for those who get “caught.” We’ve even got tax break incentives for people to get married.

If monogamy is our “natural” sexual state/strategy, then why adultery? Why “cheating?” Why the “cock carousel?” Why do we need to enforce monogamy if that is our natural state? Why is it both men and women usually end up having multiple partners over the years?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe monogamy is our natural state. At least it’s not mine. The idea of being with just one woman for the rest of my life, at least sexually, doesn’t really appeal to me. I’m glad for the experiences that I have had, and intend to have more before I’m done.

My argument, my complaint, is with the fact that bias and morality end up in research when it comes to damn near everything. I know that confirmation bias is a real thing. I know that we as human beings, as people, are not infallible and that we end up usually looking for things to confirm our ideas, our outlooks if you will, instead of actually seeking “the truth.” It just gets so frustrating when you want to learn about a subject and it seems that for every article, or paper, or what-have-you, there is another article, paper, etc., that refutes it.

Sex at Dawn cites a lot of studies and research that points to the notion that we as human beings aren’t naturally inclined to monogamy. Apparently Sex at Dusk (I haven’t read it yet, so I don’t know for certain. It’s on my next to read list) refutes a lot of what Sex at Dawn had to say.

That seems to be the problem with a lot of “research” these days, and maybe it always has been this way. One study or finding points at one thing, and then another points in a totally different direction, refuting the orginal premise. Who is “right?” Who is “wrong?”

I just want to find the truth. That’s all I’m looking for, is the truth. What is, instead of what “ought to be” or what “should be.” This is what I find so frustrating with many things and is why I tend to “go off” on moralists and purists. I don’t want your morality, I just want the facts. I want the truth. Stop selling me your agenda and just show me the information that points to how things are.

This is why I take issue with the “patriarchy” and TradCon crowd. I don’t have a problem with their message as a whole, but I do have a problem when they are offering it up as “the truth” when clearly you can see, on a daily basis, that the only real patriarchy that exists in the United States and in the West today is the State. If monogamy and marriage were the “natural ways” of us being, then why no-fault divorce? If patriarchy really exists in our modern times, then why do men get divorce raped and have no authority in their marriages?

Again I ask, if monogamy is our “natural sexual strategy,” then why all of the laws and whatnot that enforces it? If monogamy was our “natural state,” then wouldn’t we be doing it as a whole? Why would we need laws and social or cultural customs to enforce it? We don’t need laws and codes of enforcement in order to make us take a shit or to eat, so if monogamy is “natural,” why the enforcement, and why do we as a whole seem to be going against what is supposed to be biologically natural for us?

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“I Only Bang 9’s and 10’s Brah”

group of woman wearing bikini on body of water
How Would You Rate These Hunnies, Brah?

I’ve always sort of struggled with the “1-10 scale,” and that’s because, at least to me, it’s so subjective. What I consider an “8” you might consider a “5.” I see and hear guys on Twitter all the time saying stupid shit like, “I only bang 9’s and 10’s brah,” and it makes me laugh and roll my eyes.

Maybe I’m an extremely harsh critic, but I’ve never seen a “10” in the wild. I’ve never met one personally or been introduced to one face-to-face. That’s because, to me, a “10” is literally “perfect.” There are literally no flaws, at least physically, that I can see. I’ve definitely seen my share of “5’s,” “6’s,” “7’s,” and “8’s,” and I’ve even encountered what I would consider to be a “9” or even a “9.5” in the wild. In all of the years that I’ve been walking on the planet, I could count all the “9’s” and the “9.5” on one hand, and probably still have a finger or two left over.

That being said, I don’t ever recall seeing someone so ugly, so deformed, so hideous, as to be considered a “1.” To me, a “1” would be that person that no one would want to fuck, it’s really that bad. So that leaves the “2’s” on up to the “9.5” that I’ve encountered in real life.

I know I have my standards, as I’m sure you do as well. It gets really interesting when you move from the purely physical, to such things as personality, scent, and voice. I’ve met women that on initial approach, I would have rated them a solid “8,” only to catch a whiff of them, or hear them talk, or find out her personality is, let us say, “unpleasant,” and she drops to maybe a “5.” Sometimes even lower if the smell, personality, and voice are all left to be desired.

I’ve also encountered women that on initial approach I would have rated a solid “6.5,” and due to their personality, the way they smell, and their pleasant sounding voice, they got bumped up to a “7.5,” or even an “8.” Have that “6” do her hair, put on a little makeup in just the right amount, and have her throw on her “little black dress” and she moves up to an “8.5.”

You see and understand where I’m going with this don’t you? Everybody has their standards of what they find as attractive and everybody is throwing random numbers around. I’ve seen women rated as “10’s” that I would never even come close to giving that high of a mark to them. Other than seeing models in magazines (do you remember those?) or pictures on the internet, I honestly don’t believe a “10” exists.

Back in the day, Hot or Not used to let you rate people based purely on their looks. You might have been able to guess or get an age, and you might have had a name thrown in there for good measure, but that was it. It would blow me away when I saw women getting “10’s” or “9’s” as their rating, when to me, they might have made for a good “7” or “7.5” At least with Hot or Not, they would average all of the ratings out and you had a better idea of their “true rating.” Not super scientific, but at least it was something.

I even threw a picture of myself up there for shits and giggles, because aren’t we all curious what other’s think of our attractiveness? Of course I got rated as a “1” a couple of times (ouch!) and there were even a couple of “9’s” and “10’s” thrown my way (all I could figure was that I either fit that person’s particular niche, or they were just being really generous.) Turns out after about 500 ratings or so, I averaged at a “6.5” Not bad. It’s actually about where I would have rated myself in the past.

The thing is, the 1-10 scale is not only subjective in the sense of what we individually find attractive, it’s also subjective in the sense of what we think women ought to be.

A “5” is the top of the bell curve. She is average in every sense. She’s neither too thin or too fat. She’s not ugly, but she’s not beautiful. She honestly wouldn’t garner a second look if you were to meet her on the street. She’s just, average.

However, women (and men) today have changed over the years. Obesity is unfortunately the norm now. An “average” woman today is going to be overweight. Maybe not the clinical definition of obese or morbidly obese, but she’s going to be overweight. I’ve seen this firsthand on dating sites and apps where women today are describing themselves as “average” and yet to me, they are overweight. “Thin” is actually still thin, or in some cases, what I would consider “average.” Average to me has always been height/weight proportionate.

What are we to do in order to have some sort of standard when it comes to the 1-10 scale? How are we supposed to come to a concensus of what an actual “5,” or any other number actually is? Are we just “fated” to leaving the 1-10 scale as simply a matter of subjective preference and just “know beauty when you see it?”

Aaron Clarey over at CaptainCapitalism actually came up with an answer that I think actually works out if we are going to have some sort of realistic concensus as to what an actual “5” or any other number actually means in today’s day and age.

Go check it out.

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Jeremy Part 2

jeremy-spoke-in-class-today-pearl-jam-1-600x450

I mentioned “Jeremy” in a prior post. I’m going to continue the tragi-comedy that is his life here. There’s been updates since I wrote the original post and published it.

The last time when we left off the story of our hero, “Jeremy” was still living with the woman and her two kids in a joint lease apartment. He was considering leaving her, and I even had suggested that that is what I would have done, if I had ended up in the same situation that he is currently in. Did “Jeremy” finally leave? Did he tell her to fuck off? Did “Jeremy” go scorched earth on her and set it all on fire?

No.

Not only didn’t he do any of what I just questioned, “Jeremy” is basically doubling down and wants to marry this woman. He’s waiting for the teenage daughter to become an adult (which is about another year or so from now) and then he wants to marry this woman.

“Jeremy” told me how he had a “talk” with his woman. He told me how he told her that he “didn’t feel appreciated for all of the things that he has done for her, her children, and their relationship.” He reasoned with her, he rationalized with her and with himself. Apparently things are going so well at the moment, he’s decided to marry her. She knows about this of course, because he’s told her.

I was done listening for the most part when he mentioned that he wants and is planning on marrying her. He thanked me for the advice that I had given him earlier. Meanwhile, I’m thinking to myself, “when did I ever tell you to ‘man up and marry that ho?'” When did I ever tell him to sit down and have a “talk” with her and give her an ultimatum? When did I ever tell him to talk to her like she was a man? When did I tell him to try and reason with her?

I didn’t do any of those things. I didn’t tell him to do any of those things. I told him to get a different place to live in, change his phone number, and get the fuck out. That’s what I told him. I remember that, because I was there telling it to him. Apparently “Jeremy” is either two completely different guys, or he didn’t want to hear a thing I said.

Fuck it. “Jeremy” gets to burn. You can lead a horse to water and all of that.

It still amazes me to see grown men think and act like women are just better smelling, less hairy versions of men without penises.

Guys, women are NOT men. They never have been and they never will be men. They don’t think like men, let alone act like one. Get it through your thick skulls. You don’t talk to women like they are men. You don’t “reason” with them like you do with another man. Women don’t think and reason like men, and that’s because they aren’t men.

You will never cross that chasm. You will never truly understand how a woman thinks and why they think what they think and why they do what they do. Best give up trying to “get into their heads” and trying to understand their thought processes. Women themselves have admitted that they don’t know why they do the things they do.

Women can and do reason, they just do it differently than men do. The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you let that shit go, the sooner you can get on with your life and be content. Women are going to women because they are women and that’s what they do.

Women do what they do because they can.

The only real power we have as men when dealing with women in today’s world is this:

The Takeaway.

Take away your attention. Take away your time. And if necessary and needed, take away your presence by walking out the fucking door. Stop throwing your time, money, and attention at someone who hasn’t earned it or is behaving badly. Stop doing the “Sunken Cost Fallacy” thing. Your time and as far as I’m concerned, your dignity is more important than how much money and “work” you’ve thrown at a woman.

Newsflash: She doesn’t care how much time, money, and effort you have thrown at a relationship with her. That’s your job, it’s expected. Stop looking for relational equity, there is none, there never was any, and there will never be any.

“Jeremy” is giving up the one thing that he truly has in his situation,  and that is the ability to walk away. He is giving it up and deciding on staying in his chains of bondage that he put on himself. “Jeremy” truly gets to burn.

When “Jeremy” mentioned that he wants to marry this gal, something inside me “snapped” and then died. I turned and looked at him and said with a smile,

“You’re gonna marry her? Good for you man! Sounds like you found your One! Your soulmate! I’m happy for you! Sounds like you guys were meant to be, and don’t worry about it, everything is going to work out just fine between you two.”

I need to stock up on matches and gasoline, it’s going to be a hot summer this year.

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