So You Want To Do A Live Show? Part 2

May 4, 2020May 1, 2020 Rob SaysLeave a comment

selective focus photography of gray stainless steel condenser microphone

I covered a few things in an earlier post, but more things came up recently that I’m going to go over here.

I’ve been doing my YouTube channel for about two years now. As of this writing, I’ve done approximately 153 videos and live streams on my own channel. I’ve also done approximately 148 (and counting!) videos and/or live streams on other people’s channels. I’ve done almost as many videos and shows with other people on their channels as I have done my own videos and shows on my own channel.

Here’s some things I have learned along the way and mind you, your experience and mileage may vary with what I have to say:

Be a good host when hosting your own show. Ask your guest(s) beforehand what is okay to talk about and what isn’t. You would be surprised with what is acceptable and what isn’t. It’s a no-brainer, but if they don’t want to talk about something, for whatever reason, don’t go there. Same applies when you are a guest. If there is something you would rather not talk about, bring it up with your host(s) before the show begins.
Be a good guest on your host’s show. Most likely, if you’re “doing it right,” the host approached you and asked you to be on their show. When people approach me to be on their show(s) whether it’s a one time/one shot deal, or if I’m asked to return on a semi-regular basis, or even to become a co-host with somebody, I always try to keep in mind that it is their channel, it is their show. Personally, I want to be the best guest I can be for them. I want them to have enjoyed having me on their show and if they so desire, it would be great to have another opportunity to be on their show again. Their show is about them, even when I’m the guest.
Do the work. Yeah, you’ve heard guys saying this one all the time, but when it comes to having guests, I normally like to know what I’m getting myself into. Do you have content I can check out? Do you have a channel of your own? Have you been on other shows that I can watch you in and see how you interact with others? When I first started my channel, nobody wanted to have me on and that’s because nobody knew me. I had no content, no presence, no nothing. Why would anyone really want to take a chance on me? So I created content. A lot of content. Not because I was hoping to get on a show, but because I liked doing it. I would still be doing it right now, even if nobody ever asked me to be on their shows. But I have content. I have videos that anyone can go and check out and then they have a good idea of what they are getting themselves into if they decide to have me on their show. They know I swear. A lot. If that’s an issue (see #2) I’ll tone it down to the best of my ability. Some guys have zero issue with me swearing and I’m free to “let it all hang out.” Sometimes they would prefer I take it down a notch or two and so I try and accomodate them. I’m on their show right? Their show, their rules. While I’m at it, research your host(s)/guest(s). See who they’ve been on with in the past. What was good about them together? What was their dynamic? What can you take from their interactions and use for yours at a later date and time? Remember, some shows are very loose, relaxed, and fluid. Others are more structured.
Have a good resolution camera, a solid internet connection, a good microphone, and ideally a good background. (See my prior post for more information.) You want your potential host and/or guest to take you seriously? You need to take them and yourself seriously in turn. At least when it comes to gear and etiquette.
If you want to remain anonymous and not show your face, that is fine. However, you better know your topics and you better bring something more to the table. Most people when they watch a live stream want to see your face. They want to see you laughing, rolling your eyes, you rubbing the bridge of your nose, or drinking a beer. In short, they want to connect with you. It’s hard to do that with only a voice and an avatar to go off of. In all the time I’ve been doing and being a part of shows, there’s only been two guys who can truly pull the anonymous thing off brilliantly. That’s Carl from BlackLabelLogic, and Tim Keefe. Unless you can talk about things like they do, you’ve got your work cut out for you. Not saying it isn’t possible, but doing the anonymous thing is a handicap, so keep it in mind.

Now that I’ve covered some essential “do’s” let’s cover a couple of essential “don’ts.”

Don’t ask or beg to be on a show. Showing up in the chat and publicly asking to be brought on looks needy and desperate. Same goes with private messaging that person about being on their show. If they want to have you on, they’ll ask you. If they don’t ask you, it’s not always personal. It may not be about you. Maybe they have certain topics or guests that they want to have on and having you on at the same time would be disrespectful to the other guest(s) or a conflict of interest. Maybe you don’t know enough about the topic in question. Then again, maybe you haven’t done enough work. I’m not trying to brag or flex, but I’ve never asked anyone publicly or privately to be on their shows. They’ve all reached out to me. I figured if they wanted to have me on, they’ll reach out to me and eventually they did. But I never asked them first.
Don’t become “overly familiar” with a guest or a host. You were asked to be on a show? Great! You follow each other on social media? Fantastic! That doesn’t necessarily make you best friends, and that doesn’t give you carte blanche for their attention. Guys that I’ve met in real life, guys I’ve sat down with, broke bread with, and had drinks with in the real world? They’ve got “time in.” They did the work, they did the “heavy lifting” with me. They’ve proven themselves to me. Those guys could ask a lot from me and I would most likely do it. The thing is, those guys wouldn’t ask me to do something that they could do themselves. Unless I’ve met you personally, or had you on a show with me multiple times, or I’ve been on your show with you multiple times, dude, I don’t know you. I’m not your personal messenger or your personal errand boy, and I’m not your personal army. You want to get in touch with someone that I know? Do the work and reach out to them yourself. I’m not here to pass notes along like we are in third grade. We’re all adults now, so put on your “big boy panties” and do the work and reach out yourself if you are looking for their attention. Don’t drag me into whatever it is that you are hoping to do. It’s off-putting. Don’t get me wrong, I may like you and think you are okay, but don’t assume we are “besties” because we ain’t. Just do the work. “Put the time in.”

So there you have it. Try these things out and see how they work for you. and if you’re doing the things that are “don’ts,” you should probably stop doing those. If you are in this for more than just a laugh, realize that it takes time, lots of work, lots of content, and it probably won’t happen “overnight.”

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Priorities

April 29, 2020April 27, 2020 Rob SaysLeave a comment

landscape photography of snowy mountain

Something I realized after I made my prior post, and it deserves a post of its own, so here we are, is that not only do intelligent people tend to focus on more esoteric and obscure topics, they tend to sometimes get “caught up in details” about shit that doesn’t matter.

In many ways, why worry about how and if we will ever “get to Mars and beyond?” Why worry about things like “Saving the West” or “doing it for the elderly/children/future” crowd? When you think about, or at least when I think about it, my elders and ancestors didn’t worry too much about what happened over a hundred years ago, nor did they worry about what was going to happen a hundred years after they were gone. They just worried about what was going on around them in “real time.” They were more concerned with keeping food on the table and keeping the vehicles up and running.

A lot of guys out there that are very intelligent guys are more concerned about “how to get da gurlz” than whatever guy first came up with the first idea of human behavior and why that behavior is. It can be difficult and distracting to wax poetic about the finer points of philosophy when you have a hard dick and no way of getting release besides masturbation.

When I talk about “Let ‘Em Burn,” it’s not only about letting people fail on their own and letting them make their own mistakes, it’s also about figuring out what is important to you. What really matters to you. Figuring out what “is” versus what “ought to be.”

For whatever reason, I personally get more satisfaction for myself and for others when I hear that they figured something out versus all of the detail of how they got there. You got there? Great! I don’t really care how you did it, just that you did. I’m certain that I’m missing something important much of the time when I start to tune out when the details start coming in, but that’s the crux of the matter for me I guess. The devil is always in the details and I don’t like getting bogged down in it unless I’m still trying to figure it out for myself. Once I figure it out I want to move on to the next thing. Dammit, I don’t want to sit around rehashing how I got there.

Maybe this is just my long and rambling way of saying:

Figure out what really matters to you and then do that. Don’t get caught up in all of the details if you can help it. Most of the details aren’t going to reveal themselves until you are “right in the middle of it,” and those details are going to be things that you probably had no idea of what they were or what they were going to be. You can’t plan for everything and you won’t be able to anticipate everything that comes your way. We tend to worry about shit that never happens and we handle whatever it is when it shows up.

A recent example of what I’m trying to convey happened to me over this last weekend.

Friday evening, I was going to hop in my car and get myself something to eat. The place I was going to go to was close, maybe two minutes away. So I grabbed my keys, went out the door, and promptly locked myself out of my house. You see, I grabbed my keys alright, but I grabbed the wrong keys. I grabbed my work keys instead of my house keys and my car keys. I knew it when I went to lock the deadbolt to my house and saw the keys I was holding.

Normally this wouldn’t have been a huge problem except that I had left my phone in the house as well. Since I was only literally going “around the block,” there was no need for me to have my phone on me, except that I did have a need.

Technology is great, but there are certain drawbacks to it as well.

When I was younger, before the day and age of smartphones, I had phone numbers memorized. I still do. I can still pick up a phone and dial my grandmother who has been dead for over five years. I have no idea who has her phone number now, but I could dial it without even thinking about it. Same could be said about several childhood friends phone numbers. I could call them even though they moved away over twenty years ago and they didn’t take their numbers with them.

I couldn’t call my Dad though, and that’s because I don’t have his phone number memorized. My phone has it though and it was currently sitting on my coffee table behind a locked door. Something else that I realized at that time was that even if I had my Dad’s phone number memorized and I went to a neighbor and asked to borrow their phone in order to call him, he was most likely out with his girlfriend and wouldn’t be able to help me at that time.

The only option that I had available to me was to start walking. Two and a half miles later I ended up at my Dad’s house where I could get my spare key to my house. He wasn’t home at the time, of course, but I was able to get the key and then I had to hoof it back to my house, two and a half miles yet again. By the time I got home it was getting dark and turning chilly. I can only imagine what a predicament it would have been had I locked myself out of my house in the dead of winter and me not wearing a coat or jacket.

I had a little over an hour to go over and over in my mind what I need to do in order to not have to walk five miles to get a spare key in the event that I lock myself out of my house again. Walking five miles is doable, but I really don’t want to repeat it. It’s not an ideal “plan b.”

I figured something out that will work for me and I’m in the process of implementing it as I write this. It’s not totally ideal, but it will work. It’s better than walking five miles roundtrip or busting a window to get back into my house. The point is, while I was walking and mulling it over, I wasn’t thinking about “how are we going to get to Mars” or even “how do I get da gurlz?” None of that shit mattered. I barely focused on anything except “What do I do so I don’t have to walk five miles to get a key?”

Small side-note: I’m walking and avoiding getting hit by cars and people were out, not “sheltering in place.” Most of them were hiding behind their car windows and masks. But there were two women that I passed, one of them complimented me on my shirt, and had I not been pressed to get my spare key, I would have stopped and tried to pick at least one of them up. But I had a different urgency at the time and different priorities.

Neither of the women were wearing masks. Apparently they didn’t give a fuck about COVID-19 either. There’s hope for humanity yet.

KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. Stay in the moment instead of wondering and/or worrying about a bunch of things that ultimately don’t matter, never did, and never will. You can keep distracting yourself with your interpretation of what some dead philosopher said over a hundred years ago, or you can figure out where to stash a key in the event you lock yourself out of your house. You can distract yourself with visions of flight beyond the speed of light, or you can notice that the girl not giving a fuck about a bug is not wearing a mask and she’s smiling at you, and now is your chance Bubba.

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Is Intelligence An Inherently Unattractive Trait?

April 27, 2020April 24, 2020 Rob Says1 Comment

Someone that follows me sent me the pic above and a question. The question was:

Is intelligence an inherently an unattractive trait? The person also asked me “What is it about the human condition that seems to prefer less over more intelligent males?” They also followed up with a final question, which was “Why does this trait draw backlash, hostility, and resentment from friends, colleagues, and family?”

All of the questions were decent questions and I felt like I wanted to throw my two cents at it, so here it all goes:

First off, the first question is a good one, but it’s the wrong question. Intelligence isn’t an inherently unattractive trait. I can only speak from my own personal experience and also from other men in particular, but women find intelligence attractive. What women and men as well, find unattractive is a lack of “social intelligence,” an understanding of social cues, mores, and graces.

I’ve met people that are “on the spectrum” and have been diagnosed with something like Aspberger’s, where they were complete geniuses when it came to something like mathematics. They could solve the most complex equations in their heads, on the fly, in real time. Yet they had no idea how to relate to another human being. They had no concept of how to have a conversation. They had no social mores, would just blurt things out, and would make other people uncomfortable. Sometimes these individuals even came across as confrontational, even though they weren’t trying to be, and ultimately they would be shunned and avoided.

Social cues and graces can be learned. We usually do it from a young age where we observe our friends and families enteracting with other people in our worlds. Subtlety is key here, and I think that sometimes that subtlety is missed out by the highly intelligent person. They’ve got other things going on in their heads.

Most people that I have encountered that are considered intelligent have little or no understanding of social graces and social cues. I think this is because someone who is considered highly intelligent is usually focusing on other things. They are focusing on questions and ideas that you could consider “bigger picture.” They aren’t concerned with things like “small talk,” or general trivialities. Unfortunately, the average person isn’t usually too concerned with things that they don’t understand, and so they tend to focus on things that they do understand.

The average person tends to have more understanding of social cues and social mores or graces. Especially women. A guy who understands or knows “game,” has an understanding of social cues and social graces. He just “gets it.” People with high intelligence usually miss these social cues and graces or consider them irrelevant and unnecessary. And those cues and graces are unnecessary when you are trying to figure out a way to go beyond the speed of light or figure out a cure for cancer. Ignoring or dismissing those social cues won’t get you laid though.

Johanna Schopenhauer writing to her son in the above graphic, ripped him a new asshole, but it wasn’t because he was highly intelligent. It was because he doesn’t understand social cues. I imagine that Arthur didn’t understand the concept of “active listening,” and that he was merely “waiting for his turn to speak,” if even that. His mother probably saw him time and time again making social faus paux, which most likely embarrassed her, and in her mind, made her look bad, so out of frustration she gave him “both barrels.” I imagine that Arthur probably couldn’t have cared less.

Many highly intelligent people that I have met or talked to are very lonely people. They tend to spend much of their time in some form of isolation or with other highly intelligent people discussing their theories, ideas, and hypotheses. They can’t relate to the “average person.” Talking about what latest celebrity did what, or what the weather is like at the moment, can be a very taxing and dull prospect for someone that is highly intelligent. Many times a highly intelligent person would rather skip the “fluff” and get right down to the “meat and potatoes.” The problem is, the “fluff” is necessary. Talking about the weather and the latest celebrity gossip may seem mundane and boring, but it can be essential. Especially if you want to get laid.

Highly intelligent guys throughout the years have had this conundrum. They realized that something was off because the babes weren’t knocking down their doors to get at them and get their seed. So like any highly intelligent person, they decided that they needed to tackle this problem and so they started trying things out, making notes about their results, comparing those notes with other guys, refining their discoveries, and before you knew it, “game” was born. Think Ross Jefferies, Mystery, Style, etc. As far as I can tell, all these guys were highly intelligent guys, they just had one problem, they couldn’t get laid. Or they couldn’t get laid on a regular basis by the women that they desired. So they went out and started trying things and seeing what results they would get. There’s a ton of literature, blog posts, videos, courses, ad nauseum that covers all of this in more detail than I want, or will go into here. You want more information on that, you’ll have to do the digging yourself.

“Why does this trait draw backlash, etc?” That’s because no one wants to look stupid or like a fool. We resent those who make us look bad. We can be intimidated by someone that seems or is highly intelligent. On the other side of the coin, those who are charming and make us feel like we are the only people in the room will have us eating out of their hands. They are charismatic. You do that by paying attention to what the other party is saying, actually listening to them instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.

A person who “just gets it,” doesn’t try to outshine or outcompete with others, who pays attention to social cues and graces will be sought out by others. Throw intelligence into the mix, and that person is a rare find. Most women want a man who “just gets it” and is also intelligent to boot. He will be able to find better ways to provision, he’ll be more efficient at doing it most likely as well, and he’ll most likely be able to outdo his competition. What’s not attractive about that?

So in my opinion, it’s not intelligence itself that is inherently unattractive, it’s a lack of understanding of social cues and social graces. It’s the inability or the unwillingness to understand that there are certain “ways” to have conversations with others.

While intelligence may eventually get us to Mars and beyond and it may figure out a cure for all cancers, intelligence alone will probably not get you laid. That’s where learning about social cues and graces comes into play. That’s what is considered being “charming and charismatic.” Ignore and avoid this at your own peril.

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